One Girl Revolution

Inspiration Abounds...

2010-01-03T13:49:00.003-05:00

I never did get around to listing some of the positive things that occurred in my life in the last decade, but while thinking about what I might list (like adopting my dog Daisy - who is a joy to me everyday - and creating and running SpeakOUT), instead I actually started to realize what creative people I have in my life.

I have been blessed to meet and know some very talented people...I don't want to embarrass them by naming names, but I would like to list their talents: singers, musicians, painters, photographers, writers, playwrights, jewelry makers, costume makers and arts & crafts queens and kings! While some of these people do not make a living off of their passions, they are not mere hobbies either. All of the people I am thinking of have gotten paid for their talents or have been featured in galleries or published. It is very inspiring! I regret that these people do not know the extent of my awe for their creativity and my pride in their accomplishments.

I also know several individuals who's passions have given "birth" to support groups, websites, businesses and organizations over the last decade supporting that which they hold most important. These groups rang from religious beliefs to social or medical issues. Having done this myself, I know how much of yourself that you put into such an accomplishment. Each of these people have my deepest respect.

Knowing these individuals has inspired me to further pursue my own artistic side in the coming decade. I was very proud to have some of my writing published in Outlook Weekly. I would like to continue down that path. I'm also planning on getting back into the mix when it comes to LGBT issues...break time is over. I'm ready for a new decade - I hope it is ready for me!

Songbird...

2010-01-03T13:25:00.002-05:00

I was watching the Graham Norton show on BBC this past New Year's Eve and was introduced to a talented singer I had not heard of: Sharleen Spiteri. She was awesome! I can't wait to hear her new album of movie songs.

You can see her here performing Xanadu - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km929Ggl0oo

Check her out! http://www.sharleenspiteri.co.uk/

Green Day With the 'American Idiot' Cast, '21 Guns' -- Song Premiere - Spinner

2010-01-03T13:05:00.000-05:00

Green Day With the 'American Idiot' Cast, '21 Guns' -- Song Premiere - Spinner

Check this out...pretty awesome!

Things that are wrong in this universe...

2009-12-31T19:37:00.001-05:00

Pastor Rick Warren Appeals for Close to $1 Million in Donations for Saddleback Church - Sphere News

I saw this on AOL and it makes me sick! Just like our very own World Harvest Church/Rod Parsley cry for help...this showcases exactly what is wrong with organized religion. It is what gives "Christianity" a bad name.

I never bought into the whole paying your way to heaven scam...but there are plenty out there who do. I believe a person's actions not monetary donations will be the true test in the end. It doesn't stop these mega-churches though.

Why don't these pastors (who should be living a humble life) sell off their million dollar homes, expensive cars and boats to make up the missing money? Maybe they should stop running their own TV stations. The list goes on. It is such a scam and it angers me.

I once read an article in a magazine about a couple who needed financial help - they were spending more than they could bring in. One of the reasons was that they were giving like $300 a month to tithe at their church. The counselor advised them to dramatically reduce this amount until they could get caught up on their bills. They flat out refused...and tons of angry letters followed. I thought it was absolutely the right advise. These people couldn't pay their electric bill but they just doled out $300 to their church. Is this really what Jesus would want?

These "men of God" ought to be in jail. These Mega-Churches ought to be illegal. Until their flocks wake up and realized they are being duped, however, it never will happen.

God save us.

POP! goes the Decade...

2009-12-30T22:24:00.003-05:00

Last night I watched this cool video from Newsweek – it’s the decade in review in only seven minutes: http://2010.newsweek.com/video/decade-in-seven-minutes.html

It’s hard to imagine that in 1999, there were no I-Pods, Wii or even Facebook!

I know that yesterday I was 'Ms. Downer'…and well, I still think the 00’s pretty much sucked, but it wasn’t a decade without some high points too.

Let us focus on the fun stuff today:

Pop Culture:

The OO’s will certainly go down in history as the beginning of over-sharing and self-importance: I got ‘My’ own ‘Space’, found a few friends on Facebook, started a blog and learned how to Tweet.

The OO's were also the decade to bring everything 80's back around again:

I rekindled my love for an old gem in Weird Al Yankovic…a musical genius!

I re-discovered the hilarious and multi-talented Neil Patrick Harris.

I finally got to wrap my arms around Boba Fett when I met Jeremy Bulloch!

I finally got to meet my favorite New Kid, Donnie Wahlberg...and saw NKOTB in concert again!

They finally made the movie – Freddy versus Jason – and my 80’s inner horror geek rejoiced! (Ok…it sucked – but still!!)

Indiana Jones dusted off his fedora one more time and we finally got to see Episodes 1-3 of Star Wars (OK...technically Episode 1 was released in 99.)

Elsewhere...The OO's left it's mark when...

I learned that some vampires sparkle and I rooted for some Gryffindor wizards.

I was astonished to find that the best Bond had yet to come when I fell for Craig’s version in Casino Royale.

British Man of Many Hats, Hugh Laurie, knocked my socks off as an actor, author and musician.

I said “Seriously” a lot and called everyone “Mc” so-and-so for at least a year.

I got my news from Jon Stewart and fell in love with his zany cast of characters.

I preferred Tina Fey’s version of Sarah Palin…and thankfully the majority of the country agreed.

I got LOST, dug Bones and checked into hospitals Seattle Grace, Sacred Heart and Princeton Plainsboro regularly.

Queer As Folk became the first television series I actually paid to be able to view…and I discovered that a man named Gale could make me weak in the knees!

I out-grew my long-held subscription to Glamour and traded it in for Redbook.

I got hooked on Post Secret.

Adopted a Webkinz or two.

TMI got kicked-up a notch with the introduction of the term "Va jay-jay."

I got "green"!

I celebrated Same Sex Marriage victories - in my own country!!

I helped elect the country's first black president!

There's more...I know I'm forgetting so much...but those are the things that stick out in my head tonight as I write this.

Tomorrow I'll focus on the good things in my own personal life.

Good Riddance...

2009-12-29T22:14:00.001-05:00

Greetings Dear Readers…I am back after a lengthy time-out. I hope life treated you well in my absence. Since my last entry, life has kept me busy (and aged me a year older back on November 10^th). My children have also increasingly been hogging the computer (and thus keeping me from getting online long enough to blog)…but hopefully I will not stay away so long again.

As these last few days of 2009 tick down, I like many others have become reflective. Mainly I was thinking about the past year and the ways my life has changed since the year before, but my son got me thinking on a larger scale. He is obsessed with the fact that we are about to change decades. (Considering this is the first time he has ever experienced this, I guess I can see the excitement.) So now I’m pondering the 00’s - or whatever you prefer to call this decade we are currently still in.

From my point of view, this has been a decade to forget! Not that there haven’t been good things to celebrate and cherish – like the birth of said son in 2000 – overall though, this has been a terrible decade.

Being a glass half-empty sort of gal, I think I’ll focus on the bad before the good…

During this past decade, I have watched my country steadily crumble under the leadership of the worst president in our history – George W. Bush. Economically we are in the crapper…my husband became one of the countless Americans who lost his/her job (of 12 years) – and then again only six months later when he was let go from the job that replaced the old one - during the recession. This of course changed our lives immensely – mainly for the worst. Although I don’t have the tax forms in front of me to prove it – we are probably worst off now than in 1999. We still only have one vehicle and do not own our own home.

I won’t even bother to pull out my soap box on the devastation that 8 years of Bush brought upon the civil rights of this country’s citizens. I am only grateful that because of this, my social conscious finally awoke and I became a much more aware, active participant of the human race…

If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change. (The Man in the Mirror ~ Michael Jackson)

Our lives were forever changed by the events on September 11^th, 2001. These events continue to affect our lives as we are still entangled in not one but two wars. I once felt justified that we went to war with Iraq after 9/11; but once the death toll of Americans killed in Iraq reached and surpassed that of those lost in 9/11 (and we still had not captured Bin Laden), I had to rethink my usual pro-military stance.

I’ve already mentioned the addition of my son to our family in this decade, but my family unit was also permanently altered when my parents divorced…leaving me essentially without my father in my life. Brian lost his father as well when he took his own life.

Medically it has not been a banner decade in my home: Being diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder has altered the person I am today. Brian was diagnosed with vertigo. Brandon was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. Heck, even Meg had to get glasses.

I have lost more friends this decade than I would like to remember…

I have lost the gift of gaming in my life…

This has been a trying decade in my marriage to Brian – but we are still hanging in there.

Career-wise, I’ve been a temp at my current place of employment for almost a year now. Is this what I get for all the effort I put in working my way through college, while raising a family? I am nowhere near the job I thought I would have at this time in my life. Brian isn’t even working and is trying to re-create himself.

I’m sure there is more…of course there is more…but I think you get the bleak picture. We lost our sense of security; kicked out a planet (Pluto) from the solar system (As a Scorpio, Pluto was my ruling planet! Hey! Maybe that’s why I’m so adrift…I have no planet!) & almost lost New Orleans to the sea. This decade can’t be over fast enough if you ask me!

Tomorrow…I (attempt to) look on the bright side!

Happy Birthday - now remove that stick from your ass!

2009-10-03T22:19:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow is my husband's birthday. He hates that it is his birthday...and therefore I hate him. (My logic teacher would be so happy!) For the past 13 years I have tried and failed to make Brian's birthday special for him. Doing so is pretty hard since he never tells you what he wants, shrugs over the gifts he is given, has no friends to celebrate with and he can't stand his relatives. He is a total grouch and just makes me miserable.

But I try - I get him nice things and put thought into it. I take him to a nice restaurants. I try. He does not care though. I might as well be trying to set him on fire instead. He just sits there - sour, ungrateful and makes me feel worst. Couldn't he just pretend to thankful for my sake?

Tonight we took him to Bucca di Beppo and had them bring him a special cupcake after dinner. They didn't sing to him though - unlike at other tables - and I was a bit upset about that, but I could tell he was relieved. Then I took him to the Container Store because the single thing he did ask for were plastic containers to hold our cereal (because he hates that the kids don't close the boxes up)...and guess what, we left without buying them. Too expensive...the holes were not the right size...blah.

I talked him into walking through a small section at Easton that was all lit up for Christmas (which I love and he hates). We ended up at Godiva and I wanted to buy him a special piece of chocolate for a birthday treat...he wanted nothing to do with it. So I picked something and the kids wanted to look at the fountain because it was all lit up. So they ran about and we were alone, under the stars and twinkling lights. The fountain looked beautiful. I put my arm around him and said something about it being romantic...to which he grumbled something snarly about the kids.

Damn it! Why can't he allow me treat him nicely? What I am supposed to do? Ignore him. Tell him to fuck off?!

The worst part is that my birthday is next month. He - a hater of birthdays - really doesn't care to make any special occasion of my special day. I WANT to have attention lavished upon me. I WANT nice gifts and a fuss. I'm married to the anti-Martha Stewart, so for years I just suffer through his "attempts". This year I sent him an email about how the nation tour for Star Wars in concert was coming to town. I wrote "hint, hint...what a nice gift for a birthday or Christmas". Instead of surprising me, this morning he just blurts out "So how many tickets are you expecting me to buy for that thing." What?! I was crushed. Why can't he sweep me off to a nice birthday dinner and give me the tickets? I may as well have just bought them myself and saved him the energy of having to think at all. I ended up telling him to just buy one. He will. He is an ass.

I hate being a husband basher...I don't want to be that woman...but I can hardly stand to be around Brian anymore. He is so down and negative every moment of the day. We don't talk. We occupy space in a house together - but we are not together in a home, if you know the difference. Sex? What is that? I tickled him with a feather duster at the Container Store and cooed at him with a French accent - he just rolled his eyes and wandered into the next aisle. I point blank asked him when he wanted to get lucky this birthday weekend - he ignored me and flipped the channel on TV. Where's the remote to this marriage? I want a different channel!

This life I'm living is toxic.

Good Wife lives up to the hype...

2009-09-23T21:39:00.006-04:00

The Good Wife - CBS, Tuesday Nights 10PM

I was able to find some time this evening to hit my DVR and watch a couple more fall premieres, including CBS' The Good Wife. It airs opposite The Forgotten, and boy did I choose to watch the wrong one! This one has plenty of potential.

First, it would really have to be a stinker of a script for this cast to drop the ball: Julianna Margulies, Chris Noth, Christina Branaski, Matt Czurchy...hell, even Grams from Dawson's Creek is in this thing! Luckily the writing was good and the characters interesting. Plus Christina B. barley annoyed me at all. A miracle! I'm already planning to add this show to my must DVR list.

Here's the run down: "The Good Wife" is a drama about a politician's wife (Margulies) who pursues her own career as a defense attorney after her husband (Noth) is sent to jail on charges of political corruption - not to mention his extra-marital affairs. Margulies will not only have to deal with her career but also with keeping her family together by providing a stable home for her two children and a nosey, but caring mother-in-law.

Yes, it is a bit of a chick show...but fear not because at its root, the show is basically another court room drama. If you like those, you'll like this. Plus Margulies does a great job at showing vulnerability while still standing strong.

I want those 22 minutes back!

2009-09-23T20:03:00.004-04:00

Accidentally on Purpose - CBS, Monday Nights 8:30PM

Horrible...horrible...horrible! I managed to make it through this entire hot mess - but just barely.

Jenna Elfman is a likable, good-enough actress - but she is just never going to find another vehicle on TV and she ought to stop putting us through the grueling nightmare of her "next big thing." Seriously!

How in the world this show got the plumb time slot between How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory is beyond my comprehension. Who is Elfman banging at CBS? Even my 12 year old daughter, who willingly watches such shows as Keeping Up With the Kardashians, couldn't manage to watch more than 5 minutes of this episode.

In the first episode, the "cougar" (Elfman) hooks up with the (questionable) hottie (Jon Foster), has sex twice and gets knocked up. Wait there's more...then her "boy toy" gets tossed out of his apartment and is living in a van - so she of course invites him to live with her. Since she doesn't want any complications however (too late!), they can't have sex anymore. Huh? Add to this mix his loser guy friends and her desperate gal pals and hilarity never ensues. Even the funny and talented Ashley Jensen (from Extras) is just a wash in this show.

If I haven't turned you away from the horror of this sitcom yet, let me add just two more words: Grant Show! Yes, Mr. 'Original' Melrose Place (hey...maybe he should wander over there) is also in the mix as Elfman's boss/sometimes lover. You know it's bad people.

Friends don't let friends watch this crap!

Easy to forget...

2009-09-23T12:40:00.005-04:00

The Forgotten - ABC, Tuesday Nights at 10PM

The fall TV season unveiled another new show last night…The Forgotten. I was actually looking forward to seeing this one because it stars Christian Slater from (among other things) last season's prematurely yanked My Own Worst Enemy on NBC. Despite what the critics had to say about MOWE, I actually enjoyed it and found it getting better with each episode. I was very disappointed not to get to see where that all may have went (my take: Henry and Edward would eventually merge into one conscious being).

Besides, anyone who knew me 'back in the day' knows that I have adored Christian since his Gleaming the Cube days! Pump Up the Volume was an essential film in my adolescence. He was a genius in Heathers. So I swore one day I'd be Mrs. Christian Slater…well, that didn't happen and despite his rocky path in life, I still love him. That's why it is so unfortunate that he is associated with this easily forgotten Bones/Scooby-Doo knock-off.

Here's the basic plot - a group of every day people (Slater's character was once a police officer) belong to the Midwest chapter (Chicago) of a national organization whose members search out the identities of Jane & John Doe victims that the police have given up on. They also seek to solve their murders. Slater's character began working with this group after the unsolved abduction of his own daughter two years previous. Other people have their own reasons - some are simply bored with their everyday lives. The group has been successful enough that the police give them some cooperation - and Slater's ties to the department seems to come in handy.

There is little to say positive about this show. Most of the characters are cookie-cutter space wasters. The victim's voice-overs do not add to the show and are not very effective in producing empathy for them. The "artist" of the group seems to be the most realistic of the group, but his character is so similar to Angela on Bones that it should fall under some sort of copy-right infringement. Plus the guy reminds me of Heroes Milo Ventimiglia…but I like Milo. Everything seems to come pretty easy to this group - making one wonder how the cops couldn't figure it out as well. Some of it is far-fetched…like deciphering the brand of black nail polish from a photo of the victim's hand. Mainly I'm just amazed why anyone speaks to these people - they have no authority. C'mon!

I know this show underwent a major cast change and ultimately a change to the pilot…and plus the pilot is rarely a good indicator of what the show can be (remember the Friend's pilot?)…so I'll watch again next week. Everyone deserves a second chance…but if this gets aired past 6 episodes I'll be very surprised. Too bad - I love seeing Christian on TV each week.

2009-09-22T17:30:00.000-04:00

Today I decided to take my afternoon break outside…and what a treat! Despite being in a huge corporate area, this building does have a very nice out door break area. It is like a little woodsy oasis. There are tall trees and plants galore. I love to sit there and watch the squirels bounce all over the lawn. When the place isn't over-taken by smokers, it really is a nice retreat. You would hardly know that we are right next to an off-ramp into Dublin from 270! Actually, I find the hushed whizz of the cars passing from behind our wall of trees soothing. Today there were leaves falling all around and one couldn't miss the distinct aroma of autumn in the air. Welcome to my favorite season of all….Happy Equinox!

The worst in us...

2009-09-04T17:25:00.003-04:00

Today something sad happened…our neighbor was evicted. Having very closely been in his shoes several years back, we feel badly for him and his financial troubles. Although we rarely saw him and only exchanged a few friendly words when we did cross paths, we didn't really know the man - yet his life unfolded before our eyes.

First he was visited by some folks from the Children's Services Department…and soon his two boys stopped spending the weekends with their father. Then his work truck was fitted with a boot and an officer actually asked my kids to go get him a screw driver so he could take the plates too. Then the eviction notes began to appear on his door. Now all of his belongings are on his front lawn for the world to know his troubles.

Worst yet is the mob outside picking over his belongings like a bunch of vultures. I mean, the body's not even cold yet people! I don't even know if he knows they finally "set him out" and yet the whole neighborhood is outside taking their pick. Is the economy to blame? Or are we humans hard-wired to ignore our empathy and only look out for ourselves?

My child has eyed a few odds and ends that she might like for herself, but we have firmly told her that we won't be part of the pack out there. Of course her friends are in there hip deep like it is Christmas…so she doesn't get our hang-ups over the whole affair. What happened to common decency? Perhaps we are only able to be empathetic to this man's pain because we too are poor and have been unable to pay our bills from time to time. Our shared experience of trying our best but failing allows us to treat him with respect at a time when I am sure his own self-respect must be low.

I only wish my neighbors were so enlightened...

One Girl Revolution Does Not Endorse This Product...

2009-09-02T19:46:00.005-04:00

Yesterday I was reading my new issue of Parenting "School Years" magazine when I came upon the "tipsntrends.com" page. The entire page is basically about 10 mini-ads laid out to look like an article. It is clearly marked "promotion" though - meaning someone paid them to include their 'hot' and 'trendy' product. Mostly I find these items to be harmless (Gummy Bear Vitamins) or even cute (a onesie that says 'iPood' on the butt). Then I came across:

Bach Kids Natural Remedies

For $12.95 a pop for a 10 ml bottle (plus shipping & handling) You can get Dr. Bach's Confidence Remedy. It promises that their "doctor created medicine" will instill a "greater sense of self-esteem when you feel inferior, fear failure or lack confidence." All of this without a drop of alcohol! That's right - step right up folks and just a few droppers full of Larch (a cone from a tree) will do the trick!

Got a kid with his/her head in the clouds? No worries - just a few droppers of Day Dream Remedy will set him/her straight. Clematis (a flower) will "help you live more actively in the present rather than in the future or your own dreamworld." Don't let the pharmaceutical companies who are pushing their ADHD medicines down thousands of kid's throats hear about this one!

Here's more good news about Clematis, also known as the "pepper vine": The entire genus contains essential oils and compounds which are extremely irritating to the skin and mucous membranes. The compounds in clematis cause internal bleeding of the digestive tract if ingested in large amounts and the plants are essentially toxic. (source: Edible and Medicinal Plants of the West, Gregory L. Tilford, ISBN 0-87842-359-1)

I was amazed - no, astounded - that this product was being promoted by what I considered a reputable magazine that people turn to for sound advice and recommendations. Yes, it is a paid advertisement - not an actual article promoting the wonders of these magic potions, but by just having this advertisement in their magazine they are implying their approval of it. The publishers can turn away products like this and in my opinion they should have. You know the old saying about a sucker being born every minute? Well, I think that more than applies to whomever might decide to purchase these items.

Knowing I wanted to talk about this in my blog, I did some online research: The remedies, developed by Edward Bach an English physician and homeopath in the 1930s, contain a very small amount of flower material in a 50:50 solution of water and brandy. Because the remedies are extremely dilute they do not have a characteristic scent or taste of the plant. Vendors state that the remedies contain the "energetic" nature of the flower and that this can be transmitted to the user. Two reviews of clinical trials of Bach flower remedies found no support for effects beyond a placebo effect.

Apparently, rather than being based on research using the scientific method, Bach's flower remedies were intuitively derived and based on his perceived psychic connections to the plants. If Bach felt a negative emotion, he would hold his hand over different plants, and if one alleviated the emotion, he would ascribe the power to heal that emotional problem to that plant.

Feel any better about dropping that magical elixir down your kids throat yet?

Now, I am not some closed minded person when it comes to the occult and 'other worldly' phenomenon. I want to believe, like Mulder & I like getting my tarot cards read. I just don't think some traveling charlatan's 1930's snake oil should be advertised in a national magazine which influences parent's decisions on matters of health.

Attention future "Dr. Bach's"; a co-worker of mine, with whom I shared this advertisement with, sighed and said "I wish they had an elixir which created day dreams. I don't have those anymore."

Somewhere a new product line is being created...

Creamy Equality Goodness in Vermont...

2009-09-01T21:38:00.000-04:00

Same-sex marriage is legal in Vermont as of today and to celebrate, Ben & Jerry's has renamed its Chubby Hubby ice cream flavor "Hubby Hubby" for the month.

In April, the Green State became the fourth in the nation to allow gays and lesbians to marry.

"From the very beginning of our 30 year history, we have supported equal rights for all people," Walt Freese, Ben & Jerry's CEO, said in a statement. "The legalization of marriage for gay and lesbian couples in Vermont is certainly a step in the right direction and something worth celebrating with peace, love and plenty of ice cream."

But the move by Ben & Jerry's is largely a symbolic one. There are no plans to produce pints of ice cream with the Hubby Hubby label.

Sean Greenwood, a spokesman for the company, told the Boston Herald it takes 18 months to revise a product label.

Hubby Hubby sundaes, though, will be sold at Vermont Ben & Jerry's all month long.

Another Post Secret truth...

2009-08-30T22:13:00.000-04:00

To not love this movie...would be illogical!

2009-08-29T23:26:00.007-04:00

With rare exception, I usually end up seeing new movies about a month or so later than everyone else...so it should not be too much of a surprise that it took me this long to finally see the new Star Trek film.

Upfront I should admit to the following:
1) I am first and foremost a Star Wars person. It was my father who liked Star Trek, and he & I would stay up to all hours watching the original cast in re-runs.
2.) If I am forced to choose a Trek then I am a Next Generation person.
3.) I think JJ Abrams is a genius and most everything he does rocks.
4.) Being the geek that I am, I honestly wanted to see this movie but I also felt going into it that it wouldn't be very good.

Forget what you "know" about prequels and "re-boots" because this film is awesome. It has excellent action, humor and just enough Trek cheesy goodness to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside afterward.

Zachary Quinto rocked my world with his portrayal of Spock. It is scary how much he resembles the original Spock. I honestly thought I would have a hard time seeing past his Sylar-ness (of Heroes)...but there was never an issue. He nailed it! Dare I say I even preferred him to Nimoy? (Sorry - but I did.) It also amused me that his hair moved! I mean, not once in a single TV episode or film did I ever see Nimoy's hair move...it was lacquered to his skull! LOL

While I'm not sure the Trekkie in me can get over the romantic link they decided to create between Quinto's Spock and Zoe Saldana's Uhrua in this film, I admit that the elevator scene between their characters locked it for me. I liked this new twist. Quinto is a master at playing broken or conflicted characters...and he was at his best in that scene. Also, that Spock gets the girl and not Kirk makes it even more fun.

Chris Pine made for an amusing James T Kirk who I grew to appreciate as the film progressed. I was happy that they made his character fodder for some comic relief. Sure he's an arrogant, ladies man and all the other things you'd expect Kirk to be - but again, he was his own man and was able to stand on his own two feet in Shatner's giant shadow.

As each of the original characters make their appearance on-screen the film got increasingly more interesting and entertaining. There were plenty of juicy one-liners and fan favorites like "I'm giving her all I've got Captain!" to keep the die-hards happy. Karl Urban's Bones and Simon Pegg's Scotty were clearly standouts...I only wish there had been more Scotty and sooner.

I also enjoyed spying some of JJ Abram's usual cast of characters peppered throughout the film in brief cameos (or in Greg Gunberg's case - voice overs, that was a tricky one!). It was like an Abram's drinking game! Spot the actors JJ likes to use in all his work and take a shot.

The weakest link, at least for me, was the bad guy - Romulan rogue Nero, adequately played by Eric Bana. I know! In the history of Star Trek you can always count on the Romulans to be the bad guy. They are the Nazi's of Trek film lore. But this guy just wasn't that scary or even that memorable to me. Give me The Borg any day or night. I also would have liked to see more of Kirk's time at Starfleet Academy.

I definitely recommend this film - even my husband who is not much into SciFi or Star Trek enjoyed it. The ending left me squirming in my seat for the sequel! Bring it on JJ...

When you love someone but it goes to waste...

2009-08-28T21:48:00.005-04:00

Something has been bugging me all day long. Every time I would write today's date, an odd sensation would wash over me. Driving home, I finally figured out what my subconscious was trying to remind me of: On this date in 1992 I married my first husband, Mark.

This realization brought about a mix of emotions. There was a time in my life that I never would have imagined being able to simply forget the significance of this date. I suppose that is proof of my growth...of time's ability to heal. To be honest, I don't even think I have thought about this day in years.

This year is different.

I'm certain that this is a direct result of having spent time with Mark fairly recently. Seeing him again stirred up many feelings and thoughts that had long settled to the bottom of my soul. The unfortunate way that he decided to part ways with me brought about a fresh new set of wounds that I have been dealing with as well. So I guess it is only natural for this date to suddenly have meaning to me again.

Taking into account everything that has happened...I keep coming back to one question: What if the person you were meant to be with has already come into your life and you let him/her go?

I will never have the luxury of knowing what Mark's real reasons were to suddenly disappear from my life, so I am going to blatantly state my thoughts as fact: It freaked him out that even after a decade apart, we came together and still fit like two mating puzzle pieces. Everything about the time we spent together felt so easy and comfortable. It was as if those 10 years were just a blink of time. That's not to say that we were the same people, because we weren't. But that didn't seem to matter. The spark was still there - the pieces clicked together effortlessly. What does that mean? What was fate trying to tell us as we fretted about our new lives?

I think that Mark wants to be remembered now as the guy who walked away from temptation for all the right reasons. He wants to be the noble guy who did the right thing to ensure that the life I had built after him remained intact and unscathed.

But I saw the way he looked at those photos of us...and I didn't miss the way his voice changed when we were talking about my grandfather's medallion that I gave him for protection, which he still wears to this day. I heard him use his 'special voice' that he used to use when he flirted with me. I saw the regret in his eyes as I showed him pictures of my children.

I noticed everything.

Yet he wants me to think he doesn't give a shit, but I don't buy it. His disappearing act was just him taking the easy way out once again, and that pisses me off. When things get tough, he walks. I guess some things don't change. So sorry Mark, but I don't think of you as the guy who did the right thing by driving away that night. Instead I just see you as the guy who walked out of my life not once but twice because it was the easiest way for you to deal with things.

Despite what you may conclude, dear readers, I don't take for granted what I have with my actual husband. I do love him. I know my life would be less without him in it. He is a better man than Mark in many ways. Still...there is a piece of my heart that is forever locked and sealed from him (and any other person for that matter). No amount of time will ever penetrate and dilute the feelings that are in there. That may be unfair, but it is the truth. Whether or not he deserves it - Mark still has my love.

So on this date I remember him and what could have been and wonder how I could have fixed things...tomorrow I shall go on with my life.

Back to school SNAFU...

2009-08-28T21:26:00.003-04:00

Tuesday began the new school year in our house. Meg headed off to her first day of middle school (7th) and Brandon began his "intermediate years" (4/5) in elementary school. Being the coupon savvy Mom that I am, I was pretty proud of my pre school-year savings at Staples and a variety of other stores. I smirked at the mass of Johnny-come-lately shoppers crowding stores on the Sunday before classes began. I was finished…or so I thought; then came the second day of school!

It is apparently the norm for middle schools and high schools to wait until the first week of classes to send home their "real" list of items. So even though I had been making my penny, nickel and dime purchases since June - I found myself standing in a feeding frenzy of other parents of kids in the higher grades. It was a sea of crazed teenagers and their beleaguered parents…the line at Office Max stretched from the front registers to the back aisles. Visions of November's "Black Friday" went through my mind like a shopping vet having a flash-back.

College rule notebook paper?! Where?! A group to my right launched themselves upon the prize like a pack of hungry wolves.

As I clutched my newly acquired list of items from Meg's literature teacher, I wanted to scream: I'm not like you! I didn't wait until the last moment to shop…I was finished!

Defeated I joined the others searching out a package of spiral bound index cards. I swallowed my anger as I reached for a "tape bound" notebook - thinking of the dozen or so "spiral" notebooks I had bought for a mere penny, but were now substandard. Standing in line, I watched a small group of people snatching up the last of the TI-Scientific calculators - others hovered on the edge trying to sneak a hand in to grab one too. I waited for a knife-fight to break-out, or at least a decent musical number a la West Side Story, but it was finally my turn at the cash register and I lost interest. $11.35 later I was (again) finished. That was probably the same amount that I had spent on all of Brandon's carefully purchased supplies (minus his book bag and binder) - I clenched my teeth in frustrated rage that I had missed out on previous bargains just because Meg's school couldn't be bothered to produce a proper list earlier in the summer. Didn't these people know we were in a recession?

I wandered over to Target next to locate a decent student planner - since Meg had declared the one the school gave out for free to be "lame". She was actually right - they gave the kids only 4 lines per day to list their assignments but they have 7 classes. Apparently Target sends out a siren call to all single fathers that we married folk cannot hear…because every aisle I ventured down had at least one baffled looking man with a bored child in tow. One muttered, "I can't believe there is nothing left." Another whined into his cell phone that they "just didn't make those in that size." I bet he was looking for the mysterious "4.0 oz large glue stick." HA! It was a trick…just buy the biggest one you can find and move on young pup, I wanted to whisper knowingly in his free ear. They just throw them in the communal basket anyhow, you know. I finally located the only style of student planner left and made my way home.

I'm still in disbelief that I had to shop for school supplies on the second day of school. At least I had found what I needed, and despite the fact that my new little list had cost me all of what I had saved previously, I could be content with the knowledge that I was done.

Until the third day of class...

Summer winds down...

2009-08-16T13:39:00.004-04:00

Hello dear readers - I know, it's hard to be a 'reader' when there is nothing new to read. I've been bad. I've not been posting as I should - blame it on the heat of summer. While I've had things to share, I've not been able to find the energy to do so. I'm also at this point where I have so much going on in my head that I'm not sure what to share. So I guess I'll break my fast with something light and fluffy:

Summer is officially on the decline in my house...we saw The British Invasion. Every year we catch a free concert by this band here in Hilliard. It is a ritual, which usually marks the beginning of the end of summer, that Brian and I enjoy very much. We find a nice place on the lawn, snack on some munchies and enjoy a pretty darn decent Beatles' cover band. (They play more than The Beatles btw). The kids enjoy the music - despite themselves - and get to bounce themselves silly in the free inflatables area they set up. All in all, a good time is had by all. (They play all over the place - check em out!)

Last night the crowd was a bit sparse - which is a surprise because this concert is usually well attended. It made for shorter lines at the bouncy house though. :) It is a good place to people watch. I enjoyed watching all the happy dogs bounding about the park and the toddlers shaking their diapered booties. I was alarmed, however, at how many obese children I saw. I'm talking about kids no more than 5! How does this happen? It is seriously troubling to me. Do their parents really have blinders on? How do they not see how much more their child weighs than the rest of the kids? How does that not worry them to the point of taking action? It is a serious problem.

Yesterday, also marked the end of my back to school (BTS) shopping spree. I put the finishing touches on all things BTS. Supplies - check! Clothes - check! Loss of sanity - check! Totally drained budget - double check! Between all the getting ready for school shopping (which fell squarely on my shoulders despite the fact that I'm working full time) and completing all the necessary paperwork, I am ready for classes to begin. We had to spend extra energy in preparation for Brandon's return to school due to his diabetes...trips to the doctor, extra medical supplies, extra snacks and forms. I'm just worn out!

I feel like we've already started school really...Meaghan spent the last two weeks trying out for cheer leading and then volleyball, which meant daily trips up to her new school. Unfortunately she did not make either team, but her spirits are still good and she is looking forward to 7th grade. I was really proud of her effort and determination these past 2 weeks. Tuesday begins her 2-day (you read that right) orientation. Brandon doesn't meet his new teacher until next Monday (24th) - the day before school starts. He's a bit bummed about that. He's ready to go back too.

Another summer fading away...it's all downhill from here!

Wacky Al...

2009-07-07T22:30:00.004-04:00

Good evening my dear readers,

I was going to finally sit down and write an entry tonight about the emotional drama of my recent decision to end SpeakOUT. I really was going to produce a good, hearty post: then I saw this photo...

OMG! I laughed so hard I almost spewed my drink out of my nose. I don't know what I love more...Weird Al's expression of pure happiness, or the fact that somewhere in this crazy world there is a "World of Jerky."

At any rate - I found my happy place (thanks Al) and I don't want to wallow. Sorry. Perhaps another evening.

Totally Random thought: Scarlett Johansson is a world-class skank. Just watching her in a film makes me want to take a shower...and guys love her. Whatever.

How did I not know about this?

2009-07-07T21:46:00.000-04:00

This is not a joke...there is an actual video game (Playstation 2 and Wii) out there called Accordion Hero!

Check out the game controller! Can you believe that? I really want to play it. I also really want the T-Shirt. :)

Words to live by...

2009-07-07T19:20:00.000-04:00

Turn the page...

2009-07-05T11:51:00.001-04:00

SpeakOUT Members & Friends:

With a heavy-heart, I'm writing today to announce that as of July 1st, SpeakOUT - as a formal organization - has ceased operations.

I know this announcement will come as a surprise and I have struggled for many weeks to make this tough decision. As much as I would love to continue running this group as a formal non-profit, I simply no longer have the time and energy required to do so. My personal life has changed in many ways since I began this group in the spring of 2004. My youngest son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in the fall of 2006, which brings with it unique demands and focus to ensure that my son remains healthy. My two children are now 12 and 9, and their activities are becoming increasingly demanding on my time. My husband lost his job not once, but twice due to the recession. He remains unemployed at this time. This change in our life sent me back to working full-time and forced me to cease all speaking engagements during working hours.

These changes in my life have not changed my personal feelings and goals as an ally, but it has forced me to re-evaluate my priorities and take a hard look at my schedule and what I can and cannot do at this time.

Seeking out social justice for the LGBT community started as a spark inside me the summer of 2003...and it grew into the birth of SpeakOUT the following year. This organization is truly a labor of love - it is something I have done as a volunteer for six years. There are no words adequate enough to express how much I wish this letter was not necessary.

Over the past year, I have tried several things (such as suspending our monthly meetings) to ensure that SpeakOUT would endure. In the end, however, these chan ges proved to be not enough. I want to assure you that I have also actively sought out a replacement for myself as the acting Director, but after a year, I have failed to locate anyone willing to do so.

I am so proud of everything SpeakOUT has achieved as an organization. There is simply not enough room to list all of our accomplishments, but let me just say that our message of hope was heard by thousands...not just here in central Ohio, but across the nation. (I have received numerous letters of thanks from people who reside out of Ohio!) Not only did we reach out and welcome new allies but we built bridges within the gay community itself. Some of the most remarkable letters and comments I've received were from GLBT-identifying people who were moved by our members and actions.

I am very excited about the current atmosphere of activism in central Ohio. I have met more straight allies this past year than in any other since I've been active. New ally focused groups are spring-up all over: Knox County GSA has been incredibly successful, TransOhio continues to grow and do good things, Delaware Christian Gay/Straight Alliance remains a steadfast warrior and the new Athens PFLAG is off to a great start. While I certainly do not take any credit for this20growth in LGBT awareness in the straight community, I do hope that SpeakOUT played some part in spreading the seeds of activism in our state. I strongly encourage our existing organizations to put more time, money and effort into the education and recruitment of allies.

I would like to thank everyone for their support and encouragement over these past years. I want to thank the many individuals who listened to my "stupid questions" and taught me. Thank you for sharing your secrets, fears and hopes with me. I have learned many lessons, gained a life-time of knowledge and was blessed with many new friendships though my work with SpeakOUT. I want to thank each member - especially the founding ones who came to my very first meeting when I was green, nervous and very-late since my husband was in urgent care at the time! I want to thank the community leaders who welcomed me, taught me and eventually had to put up with me as one of them! I want to thank each and every person who donated their time or money to our organization. I also want to thank the Columbus LGBT community for welcoming a straight, suburban mom & wife into their community - I am honored to be a member.

Specifically I feel the need to thank a group of people by name, each of whom played a specific and special role in developing our organization in their own special way: Linda Thornberg, Rob Berger, John Marzulf, Susie Johnston, Dina Smith, Rachel Andrews, Peg Allegman, Kelley Pinkleton, Michael Dutcher, Russ Goodwin, Chris Hayes, Michael Daniels, Tom Grote, Bill Hedrick, Adam Leddy, Nick Staup, Rolando Ramon & Dorrie and Karen Andermills. (If your name is not on this list, please be assured that you are remembered and thanked in my heart.)

Lastly, I want to thank my family; Brian, Meaghan and Brandon. All of them have supported me in this effort and I can truly say without them SpeakOUT would never have existed. All of them have sacrificed time with me and given their energy (sometimes not by choice) to support SpeakOUT. My family makes me proud and I won't be surprised if one of my kids grows up to be their school's GSA president! :)

So to wrap up all official business: The remaining amount of $70 in our bank account will be donated to a fellow GSA. I will also be reaching out to the community to see if anyone is interested in obtaining the massive amount of literature and so forth that I've accumulated over the years. Our last "official" sponsorship will be at this year's TransOhio Trangender and Ally Symposium...where we are donating a gift basket to be raffled off. All documents which may contain personal information (such as addresses) will be shredded. 20The group site (for members only) will remain up until the end of July to allow you time to save any photos or files you may want. I will also be closing our Cafe Press account at the end of the month - so if you want a keepsake, order it now!

If you would like to continue to keep up with me and my activities as an active ally, I invite you to follow me on Twitter at AlliesSpeakOUT. On there, I plan on sending out tweets regarding action alerts and so forth. It's not the update, but it's close. Also, if time allows, I may create another way to keep up with action alerts and news over on MySpace or Facebook. I will keep my email account active - so you can always reach me at SpeakOUT_cols@yahoo.com

I'm not ending this with good-bye because I still plan on being out there volunteering, staying active and speaking out wherever an ally voice is needed. Please join me...there is still much work to be done.

How could I forget...

2009-06-17T22:55:00.005-04:00

Happy 31st Birthday to Joshua (on June 11th)

From 'The Creek' to "Fringe"...
Oh how I love this man!
Growwwwl

36 Awesome years...

2009-06-15T22:30:00.004-04:00

Happy Birthday to Neil Patrick Harris...

Yes - that is really him, as the Emcee in Cabaret!

Ah NPH...how can anyone NOT love him?

Indecent proposal...

2009-06-15T21:56:00.005-04:00

Just so my dear readers do not think that all I like are old(er) British men, I thought I'd mention my latest 'boy crush' - Shia LaBeouf.

At 23, he is maybe too young for me to crush over. I feel dirty just talking about him...my lord, have I become a cougar?!

Honestly, I think he's a pretty good actor. I just watched him in 'Eagle Eye' and really enjoyed that.

Being the geek that I am - I can't wait for his new 'Transformers 2 - Revenge of the Fallen' to come out.

All I know is I wouldn't kick him out of my bed for...well, any reason. ;)

Something that made me smile today...

2009-06-13T01:31:00.002-04:00

And so Lord Stanley has a new home...in Pittsburgh!

While I've never been a huge Penguins fan, I am so happy that they rallied to come back and steal The Cup from the defending champions, the Detroit Red Wings!

Everyone knows my NHL team is the New Jersey Devils - but they got kicked out on their rears by the (shutter) Carolina Hurricanes in the first round! (HATE THAT CANES CURSE!)

So I honestly had no emotional connection to the final games...but I really didn't want Detroit to win. I hate them. I hate their cocky, rude fans. I even hate their farm teams. Grrr! So, as I watched the final minutes...then seconds tick off the clock and Pittsburgh prevailed - well, it made my day!

Congrats Pittsburgh! Maybe the win will ensure that the Penguins will stay in Pittsburgh - which I fully support.

50 Never Looked So Good!

2009-06-11T00:54:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday Hugh! :)

Life...interrupted

2009-05-31T10:50:00.003-04:00

I know it has been some time since my last real post. The truth is that I've been going through some crap lately and I have had no idea what to write. My head is a mess. One day I feel one way and the next I am feeling just the opposite. I wish I could figure out the right direction...if only for sanity's sake.

Even as I wake each day and go about my daily life, I feel as if my life is out of my control. I look around my home and I am just dismayed at how I've let it go. It is a mess. There is no organization - just barely contained chaos. When I was not working, I maintained order and balance. I wrote things on our bulletin board and knew what was happening. Now? Not even close. Even when I buckle down and clean the house, it only stays that way for a day or two. It is very depressing. Things are piling up...I haven't even started to look at things for the kids to do this summer. I'm honestly out of my element and overwhelmed.

It would be easy to point my finger at Brian. He is now the stay-at-home parent...and thus these issues should be his to worry over. He is home - why isn't he stepping up and ensuring that we have a clean and organized home to live in? Simple answer - he isn't me. He doesn't have the same standards...or even concerns. I worry about everything and he worries about none of it. That isn't to say he doesn't care, but his priorities are not mine and vice versus. Plus I hated being counted on to be the sole person to care for our home when I was home all the time - so it wouldn't be fair to expect it from him. Lastly, I know I've been lazy lately. It's like I'm a pod person. I just don't care...or maybe I should say I just don't have the energy to care.

A lot of this "not caring" attitude stems from the fact that I am not a happy person these days. It was worst a month or so back - so much so that I felt suffocated just being around my own family - but now it is just there simmering in the background. The problem is I cannot pin point what it is I'm unhappy about so I can fix it. Can I just say "everything"?

You need not be a genius to read between the lines of my posts from a month back...I wanted out. Out of this marriage and dead-end life. It isn't because I don't love my husband though. It's that we are not "in love" and the daily grind of life has worn me to a nub. Sometimes just laying in bed with him - listening to him snore as I struggle to even fall asleep - makes me want to smother him with his own pillow. Being around him is just plain annoying sometimes. (I'm sure he has similar feelings about me.) So the question is: how long to do you stay in a situation like this? Do you stay because you have a family and this is the "American Dream"? Do you stay and stay until suddenly you divorce just years before retirement - like my parents? So what then? You waste half a life - waiting?

At the time of all these feelings, my ex-husband was in my life again unexpectedly. Perhaps not so unexpectedly, I linked the two. I began to idealize a relationship with Mark as a solution to my misery. It was not really a surprise to me to discover that I still love him. I don't think I ever stopped. He is the one who left me after all...not the other way around. But enough time had passed under the bridge to heal old wounds and allow me to see him in a new light. I liked what I saw...well, mostly. I felt so much happier and comforted when I was with him. Nothing inappropriate happened between him and I - but I found it harder to resist the urge than I expected. I think that made me realize even more so that things had deteriorated badly between Brian and I.

So now what? Mark is out of the picture - which is distressing me to the point of misery. Brian and I have talked about "options" and "trying harder" - with little effect. I feel lost. Nothing seems to make me happy and nothing seems to be changing. The only thing I keep coming back to is the primal need to be alone - which being a wife and mother seems to make impossible. So I end up resenting everything and everyone in my life these days. It is a vicious circle with no end in sight.

How did I end up in this place? Is this a mid-life crisis?

This is offensive to me...

2009-05-30T23:46:00.002-04:00

As a straight person who has been actively advocating for GLBT rights for over six years now...I find this new HRC shirt to be offensive.

Is it just me?!

Am I being overly sensitive?!

The (Or are they?) portion pants all straight people in the same corner. It also finger points at straights as the enemy. This is just not right...and it is the last thing the movement needs.

If same-sex marriage is going to become the law of our country, we are going to ALL need to come to the table...and the large majority of those people will be straight-identifying people.

I've already written to HRC to complain about this shirt and the message I feel it sends...if you feel the same, please contact them (www.HRC.org).

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

2009-04-24T23:15:00.003-04:00

Tuesday night I wrapped my hands around some heat...

Yes, dear readers, I finally made it to the gun range up in New Albany and lived to tell the tale.

It was such an unlikely location for my first, and likely last, experience shooting a gun. I was surprised to find the joint packed. Apparently Tuesday night is a good night to blow things away! The place was filled with a mixture of people from all over the social / economic chart. It was very interesting as far as people watching goes. I wondered if I stuck out like a sore thumb in my work attire.

The first thing you have to do is sign a waiver and watch a safety video. My shooting companion (let's call him Shooter X) sat restlessly through it, but I watched it with great interest. Shooter X instructs future soldiers on how to shoot...I, on the other hand, am just a silly housewife from Hilliard with a violent imagination who wanted to leave with the same number of fingers that she came in with.

As we waited for a lane to open, I wandered around and looked at all the guns for sale. There was something there for everyone...and I appreciated their beauty. I also noticed how expensive they were! Owning a gun is a serious investment. I decided then and there that if I were to ever fork over a few hundred dollars for a gun, that I would not buy the silly "girl gun" with the pink handle. Please! Who could ever take you seriously with that thing? On the other hand, I didn't need an Uzi nor a big shiny gun with a 9 inch barrel to feel butch. The geeky gamer in me did like the coffin gun case though.

Shooter X asked me to pick out the targets I wanted to blow away...or attempt to I should say. I felt a bit overwhelmed at the choices. There were body shaped ones, zombie ones, bulls eye ones and even one with a bowling pin on it. I felt really stupid. Which ones matched the guns we would use? Were some meant only for riffles? I ended up making Shooter X pick it out - which I think annoyed him. Sorry Shooter X.

When it was finally our turn to take the lane, I began to feel quite nervous. The room we entered was not what I had pictured in my head. I thought it would be private, cool and quiet. Instead, it was small, hot and dirty. The floor was littered with hundreds of empty shell casings. Couldn't the staff be bothered to clean them up between shooters? Then the smell hit me. Sulfur and hot lead...it stung my eyes and would cling to me long after we left.

Shooter X had brought with him a small army of guns for my choosing from his own personal arsenal. It was only a small selection of the many he owned, but it was more than enough for me. My eyes went immediately to a sleek silver model (which, as it turned out, was Shooter X's own choice for personal protection...I felt a bit smug that I had chosen wisely). I watched Shooter X fill the clips with ammunition and before I was really ready, he was handing me a loaded gun. That's when the people in the lane next to us...who were about 3 feet away...began shooting their gun. Holy crap! I just about jumped out of my skin. Loud is not an adequate word to describe the noise that came from the other side of that thin panel of plastic separating us. It truly frightened me! Shooter X seemed unphased by the sudden and unexpected discharge. I somehow managed to not jump straight into his arms, but I did inch as close as I could next to him.

What can I say dear reader...when Shooter X put that gun in my hand I almost chickened out. It was really fucking scary to have a loaded gun in my hand. Everything about that room and that moment seemed violent to me. I really could not romanticize it at all. It wasn't cool. It was a loaded gun. This wasn't a video game. The weapon in my hand wasn't a toy. I could hurt someone with it. I felt very responsible for my every movement. Shooter X warned me that the first time you shoot a gun "it scares the hell out of you"...nice pep talk...and he was right.

I tried (and failed) to relax my hands...apparently I was holding the gun so tightly that my hands were turning bright red...and bend my elbows like he instructed me. Instead I kept my death grip on the sucker and locked my arms. From watching Shooter X take a couple of shots first, I knew to expect a kick-back. I didn't want the damned thing to fly out of my hands. Shooter X calmly told me - many times - that I would not drop the gun, but I didn't believe him. Finally it was time to put up or shut up. I aimed at the body-shaped target, put my finger on the trigger and squeezed.

BAM!

Holy Shit! The whole gun just came to life. It jerked hard and I really thought it would fly out of my sweaty palms. It didn't...just like Shooter X promised...but I didn't feel like I was in control of it at all. I couldn't even say what happened to the bullet. The hot metal shell flew out of the gun and landed somewhere behind me. I thought it would be empowering - and yes, cool as hell - to shoot a gun. Instead, I wanted to cry. It really freaked me out. I think I would have been happy to just turn to Shooter X at that point and say, "Well, that was interesting - thanks!" and walk away. I didn't though because:

1) I didn't want Shooter X to think I was a wuss.
2) He seemed eager for me to try some of the other guns he had brought.
3) He had paid a lot of money for me to have this opportunity and I couldn't bring myself to stop after just one turn without looking like a huge, ungrateful jerk.

I did try the other guns and I must admit that it did get easier...although each time I pulled the trigger I was still scared to death. I liked the kind of gun that the FBI uses...a 45 I think...and I also learned that I prefer a rubber grip. I'm also damned proud to say that I actually hit the red target in the center of the body a few times. Shooter X actually said "Good Job!" a couple of times too. That made me really happy with myself. Before I could really get into a groove, however, the range announced it was closing time. I was a bit disappointed.

I did get a chance to watch Shooter X fire off a few clips. He was obviously an excellent shot. I was amazed to watch him shoot a round off in rapid succession...grouping his bullets with ease. He, unlike me, seemed to be in complete control of his weapon. Is it wrong for me to admit that Shooter X got a little sexier at that moment? :)

Before we left, I asked Shooter X if I could try to shoot at a target further out...we had been shooting at targets at 25-30 feet away. So he put up a fresh sheet and rolled it out to 45 feet. I got in my stance, sure that I could do this. I emptied the clip and he rolled it back in. Nothing. NOT ONE BULLET had hit it! I couldn't believe it. How embarrassing! I mean, really. I wouldn't have blamed Shooter X for laughing right in my face, but he didn't. Thanks Shooter X.

It was an experience of a life-time and I'm glad that I did it. It was definitely an adrenalin rush. I don't think the NRA should be looking for my application any time soon though. I really don't think I'll ever do that again. I do have the confidence now, however, that if I had to protect myself with a gun that I could...as long as they bad guy was 25-30 feet away that is. LOL :)

As it turns out, I should have listened to Shooter X about relaxing more. The next morning I thought I was going to die! My shoulders, neck and wrists hurt like hell. I felt like someone had beaten me. I'm sure it was because I was so rigid.

I'm not sure what I'll do next...but I'm looking forward to checking off another item on my wish list. I'm just so very grateful to Shooter X for the experience. I felt safe with him...and he was very patient with me and all my questions. It was a better experience because I was with him. Thanks Shooter X...it seems appropriate to have shared another "first" with you. :)

Long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last for 3 days...

2009-04-23T23:29:00.009-04:00

Whatever happened to the art of kissing? Why do you have to be a hormonal teenager to feel the bliss which comes from your lips meeting those of another? Can you still remember when all you wanted to do is kiss the object of your affection? Can you recall how you would kiss for so long that your lips would get chapped? What happened to that?

Is it me or does it feel like the older you get, the act of kissing becomes tame and domesticated? Once you get to know what comes after "first base," why are we in such a hurry to round that base? After nearly 13 years of marriage, the only kind of kisses I get are functionary, pecks on the lips or cheek. The kiss has become a starting point - not a destination. How could we allow it to lose its appeal and importance?

What I wouldn't give to feel the passion of a first kiss again. Sometimes, I wish I could forget everything that comes afterward just so I could concentrate on that single kiss and enjoy it like I used to. The way your heart beats hard in your chest and every nerve in your body feels electric.

Maybe one of the most memorable kisses I have ever witnessed was this one between actors Adrien Brody and Halle Berry at the Oscars:

It was so spontaneous and passionate, that I bet it remains the single most perfect kiss she has ever experienced. There wasn't a women (or perhaps man) in that audience who wouldn't have loved to have been on the receiving end of that kiss.

I want to be swept off my feet again by a passionate kiss.

A momentary lapse of reason...

2009-04-22T22:49:00.006-04:00

A friend of mine recommended a book to me...from which the following two passages really struck a nerve in me:

From "How to be Good" by Nick Hornby

"You see, what I really want, and what I'm getting with Stephen, is the opportunity to rebuild myself from scratch. David's picture of me is complete now, and I'm pretty sure neither of us likes it much; I want to rip the page out and start again on a fresh sheet, just like I used to do when I was a kid and had messed a drawing up. It doesn't even matter who the fresh sheet is really...I just want his rapt attention when I tell him my favorite book and I just want that feeling I get with him, of having not gone wrong yet."

"It's true that I don't want David to be David anymore. I want things to be structurally the same...I just don't want that voice, that tone, that permanent scowl. I want him to like me, in fact. Is that really too much to ask of a husband?"

When I sit across from my version of "Stephen" I don't necessarily see a chance for a fresh sheet...but instead it is more like I can see a first draft version of myself in his eyes. Before I made all the wrong turns and life was open and full of opportunity. When I'm with him, for a moment I can remember how it is to be just me...and not a mother or wife. I miss that girl of yesterday. I grieve for her. I like that version of me...before life happened.

I want to climb into his car and drive far and fast. I want to escape this place...this person I am. I do not like this second draft version of me. I wonder how he sees me? It is as if regardless of the passing of time, he is still my constant. A part of me of me is forever drawn to him like a magnet. It is comforting and easy. He is home.

I feel the pressing of time...it is slipping away from me too quickly. I want to grab it up and keep it in my greedy hands. Does he know his secret smiles, meant just for me, breathe fresh life into me? I know that I share too much during these fleeting moments - I'm afraid of running out of time. I want to submerge myself completely in the moment and rise again renewed.

I am confused by his careful distance. Is it for a lack of want? Am I so easily forgotten? Am I not worthy of temptation? Or am I to be impressed by his fortitude? Is restraint how one shows real love? I don't know these answers. I only know that I am so filled by reality and reason that I am suffocating under it. It presses me down until I am choking. Can you blame me for running toward the wide open space?

This pot has settled for so long that it has become stagnant. It has forgotten the joy of movement and motion. That is no life at all.

stir...stir...stir

Song of the moment: "All I Want" by Toad the Wet Sprocket

Song Lyric of the moment: "When I suffer from your neglect, it is my responsibility." from "Now I'm Gone" by Juliana Hatfield

A-ha moment...the Oprah kind not the 80's band:

2009-03-31T15:43:00.004-04:00

I saw this on Post Secret today...

Seeing it finally made me decide that when I write my book, I won't waste my dedication page - as this person plans too -on a person who hurt me.

Instead, I will celebrate my accomplishment in spite of her cruelty. She is but a mere ghost to me now, so why would I want to immortalize her?

The only person who can ruin your life is you.

Funny - but for no real reason...

2009-03-28T11:57:00.004-04:00

"ShamWow Guy Busted for Allegedly Beating a Prostitute"

The Shamwow pitchman, Vince Shlomi, reportedly hit Shasha Harris after she bit his tongue. Both parties sustained injuries.

Guess she wasn't "wowed"...hope he had his Shamwow to wipe up the blood.

Strictly for the kiddies...

2009-03-26T23:24:00.004-04:00

Tonight we took the kids to see the touring production of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang at the Ohio Theatre. We try to make an effort to get the kids to the theatre at least once a year and this one seemed perfect. We all love the movie version and the kids would already know much of the music. We also lucked out because all the tickets for tonight's performance were half off - due to a promotion called Kids Night on Broadway. We were surprised that the place wasn't packed. There were many empty seats on the floor...which is where we were.

Much like the touring production of Beauty & the Beast, this show is strictly for the kids. Though they throw in a new song here or there, it is basically the movie but live. The actors were adequate (with the exception of Kelly McCormick who shined as Truly Scrumptious) but I found myself wondering about two songs in if we had mistakenly walked in on a JV production instead of a professional touring company. Scene changes were obvious, off-stage actors could be seen hiding behind props and the acting was pretty wooden. Steve Wilson's (as Potts the Inventor) microphone was poorly glued to his forehead and the whole night I kept thinking he had food or something stuck to him from the breakfast scene which starts the play. It was really distracting! Plus it didn't seem to help at all because I could barely hear him at times...though I am hard of hearing in one ear to be fair. The kids also had some trouble understanding the dialogue at first because the obviously American actors were pretending to be British.

There were some bright spots - "Me Ol'Bamboo", "Doll on a Music Box" & of course "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ." Some of the sets were nice as well. The biggest draw - Chitty herself - didn't disappoint. She really looked like the one in the movie, and they did a nice job with the flying and driving scenes.

My kids enjoyed it, and so did other kids old enough to sit through a 2 1/2 hour performance. Brandon loved how they used real dogs in the show. If all they did was have this little pack of dogs run back and forth across the stage all night, I think he would have been happy. My daughter really liked the vaudeville spies Boris & Goran...but she was wise enough to realize their slapstick was only there to kill time between scenes. Some of their jokes were a bit risque - and indeed the Baron & Baroness' behavior bordered on inappropriate at times as well. The crowd at our show seemed willing to clap over anything...which makes it fun for the kids, but annoying to those who are more serious about their theatre.

The touring company also fell victim to pandering to the audience in the cheapest of ways - mentioning the Buckeyes and actually getting the audience to do the whole O-H-I-O. I hate that. I loathe that. I want to get up and leave because of that. Theatre does not need to do this. Our town is sophisticated enough to enjoy the show without it. They did it in Wicked and they beat it to death in Spamalot. Boo hiss...

I'd give the production a B-/C+. I would recommend it for anyone with kids 6-12, but everyone else should just buy the film on DVD.

Kiss-Kiss...Bang-Bang

2009-03-25T19:42:00.004-04:00

And now for something completely unexpected...I'm going to a shooting range!

For those dear readers who have been with me a while, you already know how I'm a world-famous author just waiting to be discovered (smirk) and how one of the things I seem to write about more often than not is shooting a gun. The only problem is that I have never done so. Heck, my parents bought me a Red Rider BB Gun as a joke and I never shot the thing even once. It is sitting in my basement - unused to this very day.

So how am I supposed to write realistically about something that I've never experienced? The opportunity has just never come up...until recently. So I asked and now I'm going to get my chance! I'm really looking forward to it. I want to know how close my imagination is to the real deal. Of course, I'll be in a safe environment with a trained professional...and not in some dank, dangerous alley just past midnight...but it's probably better that way. ;o)

I'm tired of waiting for my chances to experience life to come to me. I've made the decision to try to be more pro-active in making a dent in my "bucket list." I honestly didn't think shooting a gun would be the first thing to get checked off...but I think it's a thrilling beginning. Next up (I hope) joining in the next Zombie Walk

Other than that, I ought to say thanks to those of you who wrote me after my last post. I want to assure everyone that I am actually fine. Like I said, it was inevitable that bad memories would surface when I stirred up a pot long left untouched. I needed to let those feelings of hurt and frustration out...and isn't that what a blog is for? I'm not going to think about it anymore. I'm tired of living in the past. I want to face the future - and if Mark is meant to be in my future then he will be.

Tomorrow night we are taking the kids to see the touring version of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I'm sure the kids will enjoy it - and if not, who cares because I will! I'll be sure to write about it over the weekend.

With that I'll leave you with some amazing advice from singer/song writer Ingrid Michaelson:

"Fear is to be battled. Fear is to be eaten and digested. To do something that frightens you, and to come through unscathed, even stronger, is incredibly empowering. I hope you have the chance to pummel fear into the dirt."

You go girl...

70 / 30...

2009-03-24T18:46:00.006-04:00

Perhaps it was inevitable, but after so much soul-searching, I find myself angry. For the better part of the last two days, I have thought about my relationship with Mark and the new information I gained from our dinner on Saturday. During our conversation, I remember him saying that our relationship was "70% good-times/30% bad." I agreed. He then added, "Unfortunately, the 30% is what everyone seems to remember." Then I said for no apparent reason, "I don't. I try to just remember the good parts." I realized today how true that is.

After I decided to forgive Mark and let my anger go, I have always looked back on our time with rose-colored glasses. I remember (perhaps the better word would be 'romanticize") the good parts...and quickly turn away any nagging reminders of how bad it was at the end. But here in the cold-light of day - the bad times are what I am focusing on today. I remember just how badly things were at the end...and I also remember that I cannot recall him ever apologizing for his appalling behavior. I, on the other-hand, have apologized...more than once.

Am I just the world's biggest fool? Am I so spellbound by this man that I have no self respect? I feel like that is true and that is just wrong. I feel like I'm chasing him - just begging for a scrap of his attention. I'm pathetic.

I deserve an apology...
* For his infidelities - he cheated on me at least three times that I know of.
* For his emotional abuse - he served me with divorce papers at work to humiliate me, he left me in the middle of the night and called me at work to tell me he was on a bus to Texas, he actually jumped for joy when I told him I wasn't pregnant (which meant he could stay with his girlfriend and not be 'stuck' with me), he had me followed at work so I wouldn't bother his new girlfriend who also worked with us.
*For his physical abuse
*For his cruelty - see above...but also add trashing our apartment before he left, leaving his wedding ring on our dresser, bringing his girlfriend into our home when we were separated despite my pleas that he respect me enough not too, cranking up the heat before he left the apartment to raise the utility bills and for acting like he might actually come back to me repeatedly.
*For ruining my credit - while he enjoys a financially sound life, my credit was ruined by our divorce because I was the person named on all the bills he left behind. He left me with unpaid rent and utilities. To this day I cannot buy a car without a co-signer...but he has three cars!

Today I remember and acknowledge that 30% was real. It happened and it was very hurtful.

I want to remain friends with him...but how can I and still hold even a shred of self-respect?

I deserve a real apology...not just "regrets."

If he loved me at all, he would offer one.

The Story of Us...

2009-03-22T21:49:00.006-04:00

It only took 15 years, but last night I closed a chapter in my life. Last night I went to dinner with my first husband, Mark. I honestly did not think that it would happen. Ever since he and I reconnected via email/MySpace over a year ago, we've flirted with the idea of meeting in real life. I never considered that it might actually happen though. I guess all the stars aligned though, because I found myself, with my current husband's blessings, across the table from a man I never thought I would see again.

I'm so glad that I went.

I had seen current photos of him on his MySpace page, so I was prepared for the fact that he wouldn't be the same "kid" of 19 that I married all those many years ago. What I wasn't prepared for was the fact that I had forgotten his voice. How could that possibly be? For the first few minutes I felt like a stranger was sitting in front of me. He looked different and sounded foreign to me...but behind all the years that had separated us, I finally just looked into his eyes and saw the man I remembered as mine.

The first few minutes, I found it hard to look him in the eye. What was he thinking? How had the years changed me in his mind? He hid behind his folded hands too. It was just so surreal to be there in that moment. Luckily the moment passed and we fell into a comfortable conversation. Dinner passed as we caught up on old friends, updated one another on our families and talked about our lives. I was envious to learn of all the places that he had traveled too...when I had just stayed here in Columbus - wishing I could be elsewhere. I envied him that he had become all the things he hoped to be...and I am still trying to figure out where I belong. I envied his financial freedom to own three cars when I can barely get by. The time passed too quickly and I found myself saying aloud how I did not want our time to end. He never echoed my sentiment, but he never found an excuse to leave either.

It wasn't until we found ourselves outside in the parking lot that our conversation took on a more meaningful tone. I had no idea if I would ever have the chance to see him again...or if I would have the courage to speak my mind so freely...so I let most every thought out into the cool night air. I asked him questions about our marriage that I had kept buried deep inside of me for years...questions I figured that would never have answers. He answered them with honesty and maturity that could only come from a decade and a half of hindsight. There was no more cruelty. There was no more lies. It was a time for truth and healing. We owned up to our faults and put the past to rest. We laughed, cringed and shared meaningful glances as we walked down that twisted road known as the story of us. I cannot adequately explain how that felt. It was a long time coming.

What I learned...
* It's never too late to heal old wounds.
* It's liberating to say the things that you've kept deep inside your heart...and to do so without being hurtful.
* There's something freeing to admit blame and ask for forgiveness - even if it happens years later.
* That what I thought I knew wasn't entirely the truth. I finally heard his side.
* It wasn't all my fault. It wasn't all his either.
* We both had regrets...but having been together wasn't one of them.
* That we both envy pieces of each other's lives...but we were also pretty happy with how it all turned out.

What I learned that was hard to accept...
* That it wasn't about infidelities, lies or not being good enough - it was just that it was time for us to be over. We were hurting one another - physically and emotionally - and no matter what we had to end.
* That it still hurt to have lost him...but not as much as I remembered.
* That he had a specific moment in his mind when he knew the end had come for us - and it had nothing to do with another person. I never had that and I think that kept me from healing for a long time. Instead, the end of my marriage to the first person whom I really truly loved and trusted, was just something that "happened to me." I felt that I had no control. I envied him.
* That he was no longer "my Mark"...he had grown into a person that I no longer really knew.

I was really proud of myself last night. I had the courage to speak my mind and heart...and it didn't end with me in tears. Sure, I felt them at times threatening to surface but they never came. I had matured too. The bravest, most truest statement I made last night was this: "I didn't want to let you go." I am sure he had no idea how hard it was for me to admit that to him, but it was really hard.

Even though we had spent the better part of three hours talking, it still felt like I had more to say. I didn't want the night to end...but of course it had too. Those final moments were sort of awkward. Should we just go our separate ways? Shake hands? It seemed ridiculous to have this sort of tension between us...so I asked him if he wanted to give me a hug. I have to admit that I was happy to get one. All night I felt like reaching across the table and taking his hand in mine. It felt like a natural instinct to me.

Thinking back on it now, I realize that I touched his arm more than once last night. It was like I needed that physical connection with him. Maybe subconsciously I wanted to mark him with my scent again - who knows?! I also realize now that he was much more guarded toward me. He never touched me except when we hugged. He was exceedingly polite all night. I really wish I could know what he was thinking behind his little wall. I'll admit that I wondered how the night might end. Would he try to kiss me? (Would I let him?) Would I try to kiss him? (Would he let me?) For the smallest of moments, as we said our good-byes, I wanted that movie moment. I wanted him to let his guard down and pull me close. That never happened...and I honestly couldn't say that he even thought about it. (Which was a bit ego bruising if I am being honest here.) If he did, I couldn't read it in his face. Of course, it is better that it didn't end that way, but I am human and I admit my curiosity.

The one luxury I did allow myself that night was to touch his ears. If you don't know us, then that sounds a bit strange. Let's just say, I loved his ears and I warned him that if I ever saw him again that I would have to touch them again. I suppose that was crossing the line, but he didn't stop me...and in that briefest moment I stole away a precious memory of "us" to keep close to my heart. I can only guess what was going through his mind at that moment, but he smiled at me and I'd like to think he was enjoying the moment too.

Even though he will be moving to another state next month, we didn't say good-bye like we did 15 years earlier. We left it open. I'm not sure how long we will stay in touch now. I hope to maybe see him again before he leaves. Perhaps though that dinner served its purpose for both of us, and his emails will become less frequent and fade away. Maybe last night will actually be the last time I see Mark. If it is, I will never regret it. We should all be so lucky to have the kind of closure he and I gained in three short hours.

Today, I feel a bit down. I'm finally able to process several long-held issues. I suppose that in some ways, I'm finally putting him behind me. I certainly see him through new eyes. For some reason, this all makes me feel sad. I'm also processing my feelings about how my life has turned out and what I still want to do with the time I have ahead of me. It's been a quite day. I feel like something has changed, but as I look at my family, it is still all the same. I still have all the challenges and responsibilites that I had before my dinner with Mark...yet there has been a change, at least in me.

What I didn't say last night...
* I love you. (That will always be true.) I'd like to think that he already knew that...it was just the one thing I couldn't trust myself to say out loud without becoming emotional.

God's Eye...

2009-03-01T20:54:00.003-05:00

Isn't this photo amazing?

Ours is truly a beautiful and mysterious world...

The following information about his planetary nebula was taken from MSNBC's "Cosmic Log":

The Helix Nebula is a popular pin-up for astronomy fans, thanks to clouds of gas and debris that make the planetary nebula look like the eye of God - or, for fans of "The Lord of the Rings," the eye of Sauron. The Hubble Space Telescope and the Spitzer Space Telescope have both taken turns producing glorious views of the Helix. Today, the Spitzer team released an even more dazzling infrared view - and as a result, there's a new dust-up over the old eye.

The reds and greens of the Helix's monstrous eye are color-coded to highlight a mystery: The infrared readings, made in 2004, have picked up the glow from a dusty disk surrounding the moribund white dwarf at the nebula's center. That's surprising to scientists, because they thought the dust surrounding the star should have been blown off in the stellar blast that created the nebula in the first place.

"The dust must be coming from comets that survived the death of their sun," the University of Arizona's Kate Su, the lead author of a research paper in the March 1 issue of Astrophysical Journal Letters, said in today's news release from the Spitzer team.

The Helix Nebula, which is about 700 light-years away from us in the constellation Aquarius, formed when a sunlike star blew off most of its outer layers. Most of the expelled gas and debris can be seen in the Spitzer image as a halo of blue-green streaks. The final layers of gas show up as the red "pupil" of the eye. The red ring at the center represents the dusty disk surrounding the nebula's parent star - something that astronomers hadn't picked up in previous images.

Su and her colleagues suggest that the dust now surrounding the star was churned up by comets smashing into each other in the chaotic aftermath of the stellar explosion. A similar phenomenon may well occur when our own sun blows up, billions of years from now.

The presence of all that material around the star may well explain yet another mystery surrounding the Helix Nebula. Past research has shown that the white dwarf was emitting surprisingly energetic X-rays - and scientists wondered where the oomph behind those X-rays was coming from.

You-Hua Chu, an astronomer at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and a member of Su's research team, said that material from the dusty disk might be falling onto the star and triggering the X-ray outbursts. "The high-energy X-rays were an unsolved mystery," Chu said in today's news release. "Now, we might have found an answer in the infrared."

For more about the mysterious Helix, read this archived Log item about the nebula's 3-D structure (including a very cool "Hubble Minute" video), as well as this one about a classic view of the eye. For more about planetary nebulae, click through this "Greatest Hits" slideshow. And if you're looking for more "Eye of God" candidates, check out the Hourglass Nebula and Fomalhaut's dusty disk.

This...and that

2009-03-01T20:28:00.003-05:00

Since the last time I wrote, I have now been basically turned loose as a "regular" employee at my new job. In other words, if I screw up, there is no safety net. I started my permanent hours (8:30 AM - 5:30 PM) too. From what I understand, I have been released from training pretty quickly and I have gotten many positive comments about my performance so far. I still like the job, but I'm quickly wondering how I could possibly stay there for years. By the end of the week, my back and neck are killing me from sitting at a computer 8 hours a day. By 3:30PM my eyes are shot, and three fingers on my right hand start going to sleep too!

I'm happy to say that I have made a couple of new friends there. I sit away from everyone else in my department - right next to our boss - so I'm still sort of a mystery to everyone. I just sit in my cubicle and listen to my tunes while I work. I don't have much opportunity to chat...but I'm making an effort to be friendly.

I actually got a few things accomplished this weekend. While at the winter fundraiser for my son's school yesterday, I actually won a silent auction! I was able to buy a $200 birthday party at Buckeye Gymnastics for $60. Since my son's 9th b-day is in 3 weeks, it is perfect timing! I think I'm more excited about it than he is! LOL We even managed to come up with a birthday list and things are rolling along smoothly. Brian and I watched the first episode of True Blood (I had it on a DVD) and I enjoyed that. We also watched The Departed...ugh! I cannot believe that this movie was up for an Oscar. Sure, everyone and their mother was in it...but it was so long and just not that good. I also registered Meaghan for soft ball. This is her third straight season. It is a big time commitment - but she is getting pretty good at it.

I mentioned Valentine's Day earlier in another post...well, Brian and I spent our evening at Ballet Met's Jazz Moves Take 2. The Columbus Jazz Orchestra was there live as well. It was perhaps the best performance I've seen yet. We had so much fun and was in awe of the dancers and musicians. We really hope to go see the Jazz Orch. again - solo this time. If you get a chance to see this annual performance, I urge you to go. You will love it. It really was the perfect evening.

Attention fellow parents...

2009-03-01T20:05:00.002-05:00

I just read about this cool new product in the March issue of Redbook, and I thought that perhaps my fellow parents out there might want to know about it too:

They are called Eyedentity Labels - which are 2"x2" temporary tattoos that display critical medical/ emergency information about your child. For example, for my son his Eyedentity Label would read Brandon/ Insulin Dependent Diabetic/ and then our phone number. You get 18 per pack for $25 (free shipping) and the tattoos last anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks (depending on activity). The idea is that these are great to use on vacations, field trips - or anywhere that you might become seperated from your child. They are also recommended for the elderly who might become disoriented and need assistance.

Anyhow - I thought this was pretty brilliant. You can lose a medical ID dogtag or bracelet...but not a tattoo. They are also very flexible with what you want written on the labels.

If you are interested, visit www.eyedentitylabel.com for more info.

A Hip Tip...

2009-02-24T23:21:00.000-05:00

Noise Colored Party

Ric Ocasek

March 6–April 25, 2008

Invitation Only Reception: March 6th
Gallery Hop: March 7th, 6–10pm

Ric Ocasek, renowned lead singer and songwriter from The Cars, will debut his first solo art exhibition, Noise Colored Party, at the Mahan Gallery, March 6, 2009. The two-month exhibition will showcase select works from the 1980s to the present across several media: drawings with pen, colored pencils and markers, digital photo collages and mixed media paintings.

For Ocasek, who has also found success as a music producer for No Doubt, Nada Surf, Weezer and other groups, the boundary between the musical and the visual is nebulous. Like music, his artwork encompasses elements of rhythm, harmony and dynamics. He creates art as an escape, each piece emerging as a transient daydream or diversion as he works in his studio, passes time on airplanes or simply sits in a quiet spot. Self-described as colorful, abstract and unconscious, the artwork is an extension of himself a collection of self-portraits created without pretense and with no intent for public exhibition. Visitors to the gallery are free to interpret and experience the artwork in their own way.

It is fitting that Ocasek's first art exhibition takes place in Columbus, the city where he spent many of his formative years as well as where he met fellow Cars bandmember, the late Benjamin Orr.

Ocasek will make an appearance at the gallery for an invitation-only reception on Friday, March 6, with a possible public appearance during Gallery Hop.

Please join us for the Gallery Hop: Saturday, March 7th from 6–10pm

The Mahan Gallery presents the work of contemporary artists in a variety of media, including painting, photography, and sculpture. Gallery hours are Tuesday–Saturday, 11am–6pm and by appointment.

For more information please visit www.mahangallery.com
or contact Colleen Grennan: colleen@mahangallery.com

Sometimes simple is better...

2009-02-17T23:41:00.003-05:00

I saw this secret on Post Secret this past week and just loved it...it really sums up this whole "love" thing up, don't you think?!

Hope you had a nice Valentine's Day...
I'll post soon about mine (it was awesome!)

Please watch this video...

2009-02-17T23:31:00.003-05:00

Have you heard that Ken Starr -- and the Prop 8 Legal Defense Fund -- filed legal briefs defending the constitutionality of Prop 8 and attempting to forcibly divorce 18,000 same-sex couples that were married in California last year? The Supreme Court will hear oral arguments in this case on March 5, with a decision expected within 90 days.

The Courage Campaign has created a video called "Fidelity," with the permission of musician Regina Spektor, that puts a face to those 18,000 couples and all loving, committed couples seeking full equality under the law.

Please watch this heartbreaking video now. If you have the same reaction that I did, please help me spread the word by sharing it with your friends and family ASAP:

http://www.couragecampaign.org/Divorce

The more people who see this video, the more people will understand the pain caused by Prop 8 and Ken Starr's shameful legal proceeding.

After you watch the video, please join me and over 200,000 people who have signed a letter to the state Supreme Court, asking them to invalidate Prop 8 and reject Starr's case.

Thanks.

Working Girl...

2009-02-17T23:14:00.005-05:00

Okay...I know it has been weeks since my last post. Don't worry - I'm still here.

I haven't been able to get online much in the past week because I started a new job at Smiths Medical in Dublin on the 10th. I finally broke down and got hired on as a temp...within 5 days I had my new position! It was originally just an 8 week assignment, but on my first day the manager pulled me out of the group and now I'm temp-to-hire.

I do data entry (entering PO's from all over the country) in my own little cubicle - and I am treated like a regular employee. So far I like it - it is challenging because each order is unique and I have to remember a lot. I love that I don't have to take calls. I'm also allowed to listen to my music on my MP3 player whenever I want. The people are friendly too. Plus, the perks so far have included this awesome birthday cake and next week I get a free massage at work! Sweet...

I'm working full time now and it is kicking my ass. It has been years since I have done this and my old body is not used to it. I seem to be fine at work (after I get over the shock of being awake at 6:45 AM), but as soon as I get home all I want to do is sleep. I'm useless. I haven't even been getting online to check my emails or anything. I'm seriously out of the loop. I'm so behind on my SpeakOUT work. I don't know how I used to handle everything before.

My poor dog does not seem to understand why I keep leaving for so long. Poor sweetie.

Anyhow...I know this is short, but I need to get to bed. I promised myself I would write though.

Mission accomplished!

(P.S. The photo reminds me of how I feel right now. Some hackers changed this traffic sign in Austin, TX. F-hillarious!)

Than never....

2009-02-02T14:58:00.004-05:00

And here's Daisy all ready for trick or treat!

She got the most attention the entire night.

In case you can't tell what she is - she's dressed up as a hot dog. Get it?! :o)

Better late...

2009-02-02T14:51:00.006-05:00

Remember waaaaay back in November when I told you I'd post some photos of the kid's costumes for Halloween? Well, I finally got off my arse and scanned them.

Voila!

Family Sundays at the Columbus Museum of Art

2009-02-02T14:45:00.003-05:00

I thought I would post this here - just in case any of my dear readers might be interested.

We've gone for years and it is a great day! Free parking, Free art, Free events for the kids and Free music. Say, did I mention it was free?

Enjoy!

Warning - Cuteness Overload Ahead...

2009-01-23T00:42:00.003-05:00

OK - This is not the post you've been waiting for. This, instead, is a totally unexpected post about the birth of my friends' Thad & Julia son - Owain back on January 9th!

Here's the most adorable photo ever of their 3 year-old daughter Ari and her new brother meeting. Owain looks like her own personal baby doll!

I'm in total Mommy-fever mode now!

I just wanted to share the happiness.
We all could use some...

So why don't I feel better?

2009-01-22T17:00:00.003-05:00

For a few weeks now, Brian has been telling me that if/when I leave Allstate that I should let them know just what's going on at our office. I agreed. They should know the truth when they are evaluate whether or not he stays as an agent in March.

So today I sent Davis a big letter - an exit interview, I labeled it - explaining why I felt the agency was doing so poorly. It wasn't an outright attack on him personally, but I didn't hold back when evaluating his effectiveness as a manager and owner. In the end, I concluded that he just wasn't the kind of person who could run his own business. Not everyone is that guy - and Lord knows he is not that guy. I sent a copy of it to 2 Allstate people who are "sort of" his bosses. (Not really - but they are the closest thing that he has to one.)

I honestly felt like I should do it - and had the right to do it - but instead of feeling vindicated by my letter, I actually just felt depressed. Am I really such a door mat that I feel bad for saying what is true (in my view point)? The guy knew I had no other source of income & two-kids and still let me go. Yet - I felt badly.

Maybe it was a stupid thing to do - and I did wait a couple of days to make sure I wasn't doing it out of spite -but I can't take it back now.

This bugs me...I really can't figure out why I'm not happier now. I finally got to say all the things I would have said to him had I not needed my job. It was off my chest...but!

Maybe I am a douche bag after all.

Ctrl+Alt+Delete...rebooting America

2009-01-20T23:10:00.000-05:00

Got Hope? Today, I do.

Even after the crappy day I had yesterday, I feel a renewed since of calm today. I feel pride in my President again and in being an American too.

I haven't actually sat down and watched an inauguration before - but I did today (it wasn't like I had to go to work or something!). I started at 11AM and we watched it until late in the evening. It was like the day that wouldn't end. I felt bad for the Obamas. (Especially having to stand for hours in the cold and watch that stupid parade!) I thought it was all very interesting though.

I just pray that this is the start to a better chapter in America.

Just made it in under the wire...

2009-01-19T13:00:00.000-05:00

So you can add one more person to the unemployment counter under President Bush's reign of terror! Yep, on his very last day of office, I walked into work at 11AM and was greeted at the door by Davis who wanted to "have a word" with me. It was sort of fitting.

I was a good little employee and stayed to clear off my desk and share with them all the little things they were too ignorant to know they needed to know about. I didn't have too - and Lord knows he isn't going to pay me for those 35 minutes - but I wanted to go out with class. I even handed over all the work I did over the weekend - but wasn't going to get paid for either. What good was it going to do me? I didn't want to be a douche bag about it all.

I knew it when I woke up. I knew I wouldn't be employed by the day's end. Davis just said he didn't have the money to keep me - sorry. Huh! Bet he still has enough money for his ski trip to Vermont next weekend though. Bastard. It was all very silent...no thank yous, nothing.

Whatever.

I didn't think I would cry over it. I mean, I really disliked working there at the end...but half way home I did cry. Who wants to get let go? I guess that is normal. Really though I was just dealing with the fact that now neither Brian nor I have a job. How does that work? Brian is still on unemployment for now. I cannot get it because I was only employed for 16 weeks - and you have to be there 20 to qualify. So I got screwed twice.

Life seems unfair and dark today - but there's always tomorrow right? Tomorrow when Obama becomes our 44th President, it will be even more important to me. I believe he can change things for the better. It can't happen fast enough for this household.

Lazy Saturday...

2009-01-17T23:59:00.000-05:00

Another cold day here in the tundra! Isn't this lazy-day polar bear just adorable? I just want to scrunch my face against his marshmallow fur...although it isn't as soft as it looks. I just love polar bears!

Somehow, I managed to stay indoors all day long. Around 2PM, I did offer to take the kids to see this movie that they have been begging me to see - but suddenly they didn't want to see it today! Whatever! I couldn't afford it anyway, but I also couldn't stand their constant squabbling either. Since the movie in question is (the newest money machine from Nickelodeon) "Hotel for Dogs." it wasn't like I was heart broken over missing it. The one good thing about the movie is that proceeds from it are going to help real-life dogs who need adopted. So that's pretty cool.

We ended up watching 2 movies at home. Brian and I watched Ghost World - which we enjoyed, even though the movie got a bit dull in the middle. Plus Ricky Gervais just wasn't as funny as I hoped he would be. Then we all snuggled on the couch and watched Mad Money - which was worth the dollar I paid to view it. The main problem I had with this film was all the factual errors about money. I used to work in a bank, so I guess I know more than the average movie viewer...still, you think they'd get it right. (FYI: Money that is to be destroyed has its serial number recorded. Therefore, if the money they stole was put back into circulation, it would be a red flag - eventually. Since this movie spans 3 years...well, I think it is a pretty big error.) The climax (spoiler: when they get busted) was also unbelievable. Also, I just really dislike Diane Keaton. She plays the same whiny, self-absorbed, upper-crust bitch in most every movie I've seen her in. She is just a very unlikeable person. I felt no different here. Hmm...did I even like this movie?! LOL

I just finished working on more stuff for work - hoping (probably in vain) that my boss will pay me for the hours I didn't get to work yesterday. I don't think I wrote yesterday...Davis calls me at 9AM and asks if I got his text? Well, hell no! I wasn't at my computer just hoping he'd write me...grr. Turns out it is too cold to work...and "we've all had a rough week." Really? Hmm...why? I wouldn't know since I am 100% left out of the loop now.

So there went my make-up hours. I was disappointed...and Brian was mad. I made a special trip to the office to fetch the remaining sheets that I need to research for Sharon. I am going to do the work...and I hope he will agree to pay me for my time (the time he promised me on Friday). I also went to see with my own eyes that "everyone" was off. (They weren't there.) I honestly thought they would be. It's gotten to that point. Plus I was a bit ticked that we are supposed to be working so hard to make our numbers...and we aren't even close this past week - but he just closes the office! Grr!!

I've been struggling all day with what is best for me to do. Half of me thinks I ought to quit out right. If I don't, I won't be as motivated to find something else. The other half thinks I need to stay there as long as I can and then take any job I can...even if that means giving no notice. I also thought about just laying my cards out on the table to Davis on Monday...I can't make it on the hours you are giving me; you won't accommodate my request for a more compact schedule so I can get an additional job until things get better here; you keep calling me to tell me not to come in; so now I'm going to apply for a temp-job and if they call tomorrow with an offer, well I'm taking it. So you can let me keep working here - knowing I could just call you any time with no notice and leave, OR you can lay me off and I can collect unemployment. All three seem dismal and sure to lead to failure.

Yesterday, I did take advantage of the time off though. We got our grocery shopping done - our cupboards were empty! (There went half of Brian's check!) Since there was no school either, Meaghan finally got to pick up her new glasses. (Free! Thanks Medicaid!) She was thrilled for about 15 minutes, but now she complains that the glasses hurt her nose and are too cold when she is outside. BUT she also is amazed at how much clearer everything is! She keeps shouting out stuff like - "I can read that!" while watching something on TV. I think she looks nice in glasses - but I like glasses. It's weird how fast I've gotten used to her in them already. I also picked up my Xanax prescription. :o) Bonus - I finally got Coldplay's Viva La Vida CD in at the library. I've been waiting forever for it to come in!

The worst thing to happen yesterday was that my damned car wouldn't start - again. Even though we have it in the garage, it was just too cold. Luckily our neighbor was home and gave us a jump. It started and we were fine, until later in the evening and then it acted like it wasn't going to turn-over again. Brian broke down and went out to fetch us a new battery from Walmart. There went half my pay check - on a totally unplanned expense. Sigh! At least we know the car will start. I just feel so overwhelmed. :o(

I plan on visiting my Grandma tomorrow. Hopefully she will be up for a quick visit.

Well, it is so late. I need to get off the computer. Just a quick game of Spider Solitaire - I'm addicted! - and I'm going to join Brian and Daisy the Wonder Dog in bed.

Hope you are all staying warm.

Last Song I Heard: "White & Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovich
Last Thing that Made Me Happy: Brandon coming in to kiss me goodnight
Best Thing About Tomorrow: less than 3 days until President Obama takes the oath!

The day I almost quit...

2009-01-15T23:07:00.002-05:00

(*Image taken from Post Secret)

I saw this on Post Secret and laughed! Oh how I can relate, dude! Today I was almost out of forced civility. I very nearly just packed up my crap and left. I have two people who want me to work on what they want me to work on - and neither seem to care that I actually have things that I am responsible for as well.

I only have 3 hours a day to get them all accomplished too.

For the first time, Sharon raised her voice to me today and barked out an order to get her stuff done like I was her serf. I was literally speechless. Luckily she did it as she rushed out of the office, so I didn't have time to retort. I had a total of 2 minutes to glare a hole in the doorway when Davis rushed in. He wanted updates on the 3 projects he had phoned in 20 minutes earlier. I couldn't find one (turns out the email in his inbox was actually in his cell/text), I had completed another and was working on the third when Sharon had her hissy-fit. I was trying to figure out the history behind the customer's issue and also trying to decipher our billing system - which I don't have a lot of experience with. When I tried to explain this, Davis just clenched his teeth at me and snapped - Oh well! I'll do it myself! As if I were a useless piece of crap. I asserted that I WAS trying to do as he asked, but that I needed to know the history behind the issue before I just blindly picked up the phone to call for billing help. Apparently, at this point no one in our office should "Not Know" how to do something...too bad that I've never been trained on the system in question, used it enough to figure it out myself or even spoke to the customer in question.

The real breaking point though came when he started lecturing me on customer service. ME! I've been the squeaky wheel for weeks now about that very topic. I keep saying that our CS stinks. Davis insists that we tell every one to call the 800 national number. He says that unless we are selling...or doing something to sell...then we are wasting his money. If we do try to help one of our new policy holders and it takes longer than 15 minutes...then we are wasting his money. CS went out the door about mid-November with this guy and he had the nerve to yap his gums at me about it now?!

I swear I just wanted to throw something at this guy's head. Seriously... How can a man with two MBA's be such a terrible businessman?

Instead I let him vent, let him say what he needed to say, and then I proceeded to continue to tell him how I was trying to handle his assignment and get the answer he needed. He let me - and I got the answer. He didn't like the answer - but that is out of my hands. I DID finish more of Sharon's work and even as I sit here venting away on Blogger - I'm working (off the clock) on some of Sharon's things that I can do here so I can be ahead tomorrow when I walk in (just to avoid her crap).

What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I bother? It's not like they give a shit about me. I've got one-foot out the door anyway -right? I tell you why...cause I'm not a piece of shit. I do a good job there and I'll be damned to give them even one reason to say otherwise. Stupid assholes.

Ugh! Sorry...

You can't fool your body. You can control your exterior...you know, smile and be pleasant...but your body inside knows the real deal. For the past few days I have been feeling very anxious again. I feel shaky. I feel like my chest has a 50 lb weight on it. I feel like my brain is running on overdrive. I can't fall asleep at night, and I just wake up over and over when I finally do sleep. My dreams are vivid! I always wake up feeling exhausted and nervous. None of these things are good signs...but it is especially bad for me because I have a history of anxiety attacks. I really need to go get my Xanax prescription filled. I hate that too! I have been off that for a long while now. Yet I can't ignore these signs. I can pretend to everyone else...but I can't hide from myself.

Well, I've spread enough sunshine for one night.

Later...

I spy something the color of white...

2009-01-14T21:50:00.002-05:00

Snow! Today I got a good ol'fashioned snow day. My boss called me up about 15 minutes before I was about to leave for work and told me not to come in because the roads were getting nasty. Since he said that I could make up the hours, I naturally agreed. My kids say it is their turn tomorrow.

Not much happened to me today. Brian and I braved the elements to drive the 3 miles to the mall. We ate lunch and walked around the place at our leisure. It was nice to be there alone...and to be able to go into the stores we prefer. Over lunch Brian and I spoke about things weighing on our minds. I enjoyed it...though no plan was designed from it.

Then we came home and snuggled in our bed for an afternoon nap. It was nice and relaxing. I could think of a few other things I should have been doing...but screw it. Watching the snow fall was very beautiful. Watching my dog frolic in her first real snow fall was adorable.

There is absolutely nothing on TV tonight. I started watching last season's LOST finale...but I just didn't feel like 3 hours of LOST. So here I am instead...blogging, clearing out my email account folders and the like. At least I feel useful.

My grandmother's surgery went well. They don't think the cancer spread to her lymph nodes...which means no chemo. We are waiting for the biopsy. She is back home now - which is ridiculous. Insurance companies are ridiculous. 24 hours is all you get when you have to remove your breast. There are tubes inside her still...draining the area where her breast once was! She has to deal with that on her own. She just lost a breast! Can you imagine the psychological issues she is also dealing with on top of the physical ones? It is just absolutely wrong. She should be at the hospital. Universal Health Care looks better all the time.

Well...not much to report tonight. I'll keep this one short.

Last Song I Heard: "Wouldn't It Be Good?" by Danny Hutton Hitters

Last Thing I Watched: "LOST"

Last Thing I Read: TV Guide

You've gotta like a book with the word motherf%#$ in the title...

2009-01-13T14:39:00.001-05:00

Having just finished the fourth (and final) book in the Twilight series, I decided to go with a little comedy...I think I read an excerpt from "Mother on Fire" (by Sandra Tsing Loh) in Redbook or something. Anyhow, 20 pages in and I'm not in love yet. There was this one section though that had me laughing out loud and I thought I'd share it with you dear reader. I think we ALL know someone like this...

"Bruce may think he is single, but he does have a tortured, passionate, unrequited, lifelong relationship with...the Republicans. Bruce is obsessed with their evil, tracking it tirelessly, 24/7. Bruce has been at it for decades. The man has one hundred hours of old Iran Contra hearings...on Beta!

Never mind that the Republican Party seems completely unaware of Bruce's very existence. I don't believe a day goes by when Dick Cheney thinks about Bruce at all. But the rest of us have Bruce on our minds continually. How could we not, given his relentless Unabomber-like mass e-mails raving how Bush stole ALL the elections...via the Electoral College...from Nader. ("Have you figured out how to unsubscribe?" "I can't - I try to hit Unsubscribe and then get RE-subscribed three more times!") Still Bruce's emails come, as though it is we who yearn for them, thinking - "What I find frustrating about my quality of life is a worrisome lack of rabid political punditry. Thank heavens I got another five e-mails today from BRUCE!"

Or alternatively, "Never mind all the experts - let's see what BRUCE has to say! Normally I'm not that interested in gerrymandering - except when my unemployed friend BRUCE, with absolutely no training in the law WHATSOEVER, e-mails me about it!"

LMAO! I know many "Bruce-like" individuals. God bless em!

So I'm going to try out this new routine: as soon as I get home from work, I'm going to beat my daughter to the computer and write in my blog. I figure this will keep me from making a beeline to my bed (which lurks temptingly just over my shoulder!). I've got to get OUT of this slump. I swear it is so bad that I've even been thinking about...exercising! Holy crap! THAT's a sure sign that I'm mentally unstable.

Work went smoother than usual today. I had a variety of different projects to work on, and that made the time go by faster. Plus my boss was gone most of the time I was there...a bonus! Another $30, hoo haw!

As I type this, Grandma is beginning her surgery. I know it is God's hands now. I'm hoping for the best. I just think it is so unfair that a woman her age has to go through this. More proof that life sucks.

Random realization: I used to be annoyed at all those drone-like zombies walking around the mall, or wherever, with their little ear buds connected to their MP3 player. What in the hell could be so fantastic that these people cannot stop listening to it when out in public? They don't hear/see/recognize your existence because they are so into their tunes. I just wanted to run up to them and yank out those stupid ear buds and tell them to pick up the damned pace!

But now that I have an MP3 player, I totally get it! I love having my favorite tunes at my finger tips. I love how I can listen to Weird Al's "EBay" song 10 times in a row if I want and no one will strangle me. I feel as if I am in my own little safe space - the rest of the world isn't allowed in. It's strangely peaceful to me. I still hate those ear buds (I bought regular headphones) - but now I'm glad I didn't go mental on some poor fellow music lover.

Rock on!

Last Song I Heard: Disturbia by Rhianna (on my MP3 player)

Last Thing That Made Me Happy: Hearing from my friend Jessie.

One Thing I'm Looking Forward To: New Scrubs episodes tonight! Lovin' me some Zach Braff!

For Grandma...

2009-01-12T23:44:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow at 3PM my Grandmother, who is in her eighties, is having a mastectomy.

Please...pray for her if you pray.

Send her your well wishes and good karma.

Think of her during this time of uncertainty...

Thanks!

Burn Your Life Down...

2009-01-12T23:07:00.004-05:00

"Burn your life down" is the title of a Tegan and Sara song. I don't really know it...but the moment I read the title, it spoke to me. The first thing that came to mind was how that's exactly what I'd like to do with my life right about now. Just burn it down to ash and start the fuck over...but life doesn't work that way. Just ask my "ex" - when life got too hard for her, she just grabbed everything that she felt represented who she was and literally threw it in a bonfire. Her gaming books, her art supplies, our tapes...but guess what? It didn't change a damned thing. Sometimes you can't bury (or burn) your problems.

2008 sucked so badly that I figured 2009 could only get better. Well, I'm still waiting. Not only have my hours at work been wittled down to 12 (from 32), but my boss won't even consider a better working schedule for me to be able to get an additional part-time job that doesn't involve retail or fries. It is getting so hard to walk into that office every day. I just smile and work my stupid 3 hours a day. Then I come home and bury myself under my pillows and wish for darkness to swallow me up until I have to do it all over again. I'm bored...I'm listless...I'm lazy...I'm freaking out! Mainly though, I wonder how I am here at this point in my life. I loathe the idea of being out there looking for a new job...yet that is exactly what I need to be doing.

I keep having this conversation with myself. Where else could I be? What city? What state? (What country?) Are those places any better than where I am now? Would I be able to find a decent job there? Could I be happier there? Why do I stay here? I know I'm not happy here - and I know that there are no stupid jobs here. Maybe this terrible place where I exist currently has been brought about on purpose. What if this is a signal from someone much smarter than I? What if this misery is supposed to be the equivalent of a karma cattle prod to the ass?

Do you ever wonder how come people stay where they are when they'd rather be somewhere else? Like me for instance: I'm a water lover. I feel such peace around a lake or ocean. I loved it down in North Carolina. It was beautiful. SO WHY DO I LIVE IN COLUMBUS?!?! Seriously...why?

I'm in a dark, gloomy place tonight. Sorry. I didn't want my first post in such a long time to be like this...but what can I do but be honest?

Last Book I Read: "Breaking Dawn" by Stephenie Meyer

Last Song I Heard: "Breakable" by Ingrid Michaelson

Last TV Show I Watched: "How I Met Your Mother"

Last Inspirational Thing I Saw: My daughter finally making it to the top of the rock climbing wall - even though she had to move to the easier area. She never gave up until she did it!

Last Thing That Made Me Happy: Seeing Kate Winslet (or "that British actress" as some dumbass from Mad Men called her) win 2 Golden Globes last night. She's awesome! (& yummy...lol)

Last Thing That Made Me Unhappy: Watching Hugh Laurie/House lose twice during the Golden Globes...bah!

Fringemas

2008-12-24T12:14:00.001-05:00

Oy Vay!

2008-12-16T22:25:00.005-05:00

I've been a bad blogger. I'm sorry that I haven't been writing as often as I should/could be. While it is true that I have had some sort of flu for over a week now, which has me sleeping as much as possible...and while it is also true that whenever I can muster up the energy, I have been trying to get all my holiday "to do's" crossed-off...but I really should just admit to being a worthless slug.

The holiday season just sucks the life out of me! Meaghan's birthday was back on Dec. 6th. (She turned 12! I can hardly believe it myself.) Having a child with a birthday before Christmas is a financial nightmare. Given the fact that Brian is out of a job made this year even harder. We managed to throw her a nice party at the Dublin indoor pool. She had a decent number of girls show up. I miss her birthdays when she was younger...and every present made her shriek with joy. This year she tore through her gifts - demanding to know the dollar amounts on the gift cards she received - and then turned to me and said: "Where's my Clique DVD?" Snotty little brat!

This past weekend I attended my second son's Holiday Memorial service. Jacob would have turned 10 on Dec. 22nd this year. I know I just bitched about the financial strain of having a December baby...but I'd give anything to have two. :o( The service was nice and we got our annual ornament (a star). It just drains me to go - but I would be more upset if we didn't go. This weekend we will go out and put his little Christmas tree up at his memorial...and put a birthday balloon up too.

Of course I've also been dealing with the usual child of divorce drama that occurs around the holidays. I'm too sick to muster up the energy to tell you all about the big fight my Dad and I had recently. To sum it up: I just found out that his mother (my Grandmother) has breast cancer and she has to have a mastectomy in January. She is in her early 80's. I wasn't told...I just found out by chance. When I asked my Dad why he didn't tell me she was seriously ill and had to have surgery, he told me "not every thing's about you". He called me selfish and told me it wasn't any of my business if Grandma didn't call and tell me herself. To keep this short - I disagreed. I have now blocked him from being able to email me and I told him to lose my phone number. I really hate that man. Did I mention my Grandmother's husband died of cancer (a long time ago) - but near the beginning of the January? So it kind of makes me even more worried. (I did find out that my Dad called my Grandma and told on me - but she took MY side and yelled at him! HA!! Then she called and talked to me about everything.)

If you can stand to hear me whine about one more thing - looks like I'm back to searching those want ads. We haven't been able to meet our quotas (due to a lot of factors) and that means come Jan. 1 my boss will only be able to pay me for the number of policies we close in the previous month. Right now that is 10. So I will only get to work 10 hours each week in January. That's crazy! I cannot make it on that. I'm not happy that he will not allow me to work a minimum of 20 (which is what we agreed upon when I was hired, and which would be just enough to allow me to stay there). We are in a huge hole though and all signs point to us being closed down as an office on March 31st anyway. I knew it was a possibility when I took the job...but a lot of things changed over the course of my employment: I found out that the owner (my boss) had no experience being a sales agent, the other agent was brand new and had never been trained on the Allstate system, the third agent never showed up and was never replaced and then I was basically turned into a telemarketer. It has been a stressful and unpleasant situation for weeks now - but I really need this paycheck, so I keep going in. I'm not sure what will happen come Jan. 1st. To be honest...I'm scared.

So - maybe you can see why I haven't written. It hasn't been a stellar month or so for me, and I hate to write when I am in such a dark funk. I'm still trying to stay positive and despite it all I think we will have a pretty decent holiday. I will worry about the New Year when it gets here.

Hope your days have been brighter...

P.S. I forgot to mention a big milestone here in our home...Sunday Meg shaved her legs for the very first time! LOL Where'd my baby go?

Tit..for tat...

2008-12-16T22:20:00.003-05:00

I saw this on Post Secret...

And I wanted to reply:

"I hate how anti-homosexuals say that pro-homosexuals are evil, anti-Christian, liberal sinners." (among other things)

Really?!

Just because...I like to see his face

2008-12-02T21:24:00.000-05:00

Black Friday...when the crazy people roam the streets!

2008-11-28T20:36:00.002-05:00

I can barely believe it, but I actually showed up at the mall at 4AM this morning. I spent all Thanksgiving Day bitching that there were no good deals in the ads this year, yet I was up at 3:30AM. What the hell is wrong with me?

My mother had given me some money to go out and take care of her shopping for the kids, so I couldn't resist. I think I did a decent job of it too. Did you know that Toy R Us no longer price matches?! Hmm...me neither until I was at the register and had spent 40 minutes finding the appropriate items to match to other ads. Grrr!

Nothing tops this final story though...I was at the very last store of my buying marathon when the following occurred:

I was parking my car in the Best Buy parking lot near Tuttle Crossing when when a lunatic struck! Some 60-something, freaky, Christian conservative walked behind my car and started yelling at me "BABY KILLER! YOU SUPPORT A BABY KILLER!" Apparently he saw my Obama sticker and just decided to yell at me right there in the parking lot. He even waited at the end of row of cars for me to get out of the car to yell at me some more. "YOU VOTED FOR A BABY KILLER! OBAMA'S A BABY KILLER!" The two people who had the unfortunate luck of being parked next to me, gave me a sympathetic stare as the quickly got into their car. Freak!

I ran into him again in the store and tried to shame him for yelling at a complete stranger - and a woman at that! No dice...he just went off on me some more. I said - calmly, "Oh, I see. You are one of those crazy freaks." He got so mad! "I'm no freak!" To which I said, "What else can explain your outburst?" He just kept getting more flustered. Apparently he is not used to having someone stand up to his freakiness! He had messed with the wrong liberal! LOL

Honestly though, I had to laugh. Of all the stickers on my car to get worked up about - the Obama one?! LOL Apparently he did notice the gay ones too because after I had my fill of the loser, I walked away saying "You know what? You lost. Obama is our president-elect and you just need to get over yourself!" All he could do is yell at my backside - "Get over myself?! YOU need to get over your gay rights!" Um, okaaaaaay. Loser!

Here's my main problems with (crazy) pro-life people:

1.) They do not care about life enough to support real sex education to prevent the need for abortions.

2.) They call pro-choice people "pro-abortion"

3.) They don't care if a women was raped or a victim of incest...too bad - have the kid anyhow!

4.) They don't give a crap about the child's quality of life once it is out of the womb! What about all these babies who are addicted to crack or on welfare the moment they are born? Where are these nutjobs then?

5.) They don't accept the reality that abortions will happen whether it is legal or not - in unsafe underground clinic where lives will be lost!

6.) They are so damned holier-than-thou!

Here's my position on abortion:

1.) I do not believe in using abortion as a means of birth control.

2.) I do not support abortions after the first trimester...unless the life of the mother is in immediate danger.

3.) I think women should be able to have a choice in the case of rape or incest to end a pregnancy

4.) I think a women should have the opportunity to have an abortion in a safe place.

5.) I think the morning after pill should be dispensed to any woman who has a prescription for it...no ifs, ands or buts!

6.) I don't think a man should have the right to refuse a woman the right to terminate a baby - that is until the courts can figure out a way to ensure that the man will not skip out on child support payments, visitation of the child and so forth. What happens to the woman and the child if the guy decides to just walk away a year after the blessed event?

Huh! Who knew a blog about shopping would end up so political?!

Foster's place for...80's pop stars?!

2008-11-27T21:09:00.000-05:00

Did anyone else laugh when the "surprise musical guest" on the Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was...RICK ASTLEY?!

I turned to my husband and said..."Huh, I guess that's where washed-up 80's pop-stars go too after no one wants them anymore!" Snarky giggle...

All jokes aside, I thought he looked pretty much the same. (Although I thought there was an uncomfortable resembalance between him and Clay Aikens (who had on a mountain of make-up during his interview!). LOL I used to think Rick was such a hottie! Sigh...

Can you beleive that "Together Forever" was my first boyfriend (and later, first husband) and my song way back in high school?! Forever my ass!!

Counting my blessings...

2008-11-27T19:54:00.000-05:00

It being Thanksgiving and all...I thought it appropriate to make a list of things I am grateful for:

In no particular order...

15.) You - my faithful readers

14.) For music...and all the joy it gives me.

13.) My Mother - who gave us a wonderful summer break.

12.) To MySpace - for giving me a place to play and veg out!

11.) To Regina & Jessie for coming back into my life this past year - I've missed your friendship

10.) Weird Al & his zany music - it always makes me happier whenever I listen to him.

a.) Being able to catch him live twice during his last tour!

9.) Jim - who fixed my laptop/internet connection problems for free!

8.) For Brian's good luck! I'm loving our 2 free tickets to all Ballet Met performances.

7.) For finding & having a job (for now)

a.) And for having a friend who helped me get it!

6.) President -Elect Obama! 'Nuf said...

5.) Hugh Laurie & all his wonderfulness

4.) That my kids are covered under Medicaid - it has been a life saver!

3.) Daisy the wonder dog! How did I live without her in my life?

a.) To the good people at Cannine Collective who saved her and brought her into our life

2.) For being able to have a cozy home in the school district we want to live in

1.) For my family - who often drive me crazy, but I'd be crazy without.

Stop the H8! Join me on Saturday...

2008-11-13T22:37:00.001-05:00

PROP 8 PROTEST: A CALL TO THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY, FRIENDS & FAMILY -

SATURDAY NOVEMBER 15th 1:30 pm

November 15th, on the steps of City Hall, located at 90 W Broad St Columbus, at 1:30pm EST, our community will take to the streets and speak out against Proposition 8 and all of the other pro-equality losses that we have faced in our lifetimes, in our parents’ lifetimes, and for many generations before us. Let the country hear our voices together. Join the cause, join the voice, and JOIN THE IMPACT!

For more information, click on http://www.z2systems.com/nps//servlet/DisplayLink?orgId=stonewall&emailId=8600&linkId=172&targetUrl=http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/page/Columbus and http://www.z2systems.com/nps//servlet/DisplayLink?orgId=stonewall&emailId=8600&linkId=175&targetUrl=http://jointheimpact.com/

Crazy stuff you see on the internet...

2008-11-12T00:36:00.002-05:00

Remember the Cabbage Patch Kids craze of the 1980's? (I still have my two CPK!)

Well, someone actually created "Election 2008" Cabbage Patch Kids! (To my knowledge these are not for sale.)

But aren't they cute?

Hey! That's MY letter....

2008-11-03T14:20:00.003-05:00

Ask Matt: Defending Fringe's Joshua Jackson, Continuing the Heroes Debate and More!
Nov 3, 2008 10:02 AM ET
by Matt Roush

TV Guide's Senior Critic Matt Roush takes your TV questions. Have a rant, rave or burning question about your favorite show you'd like addressed? E-mail him here!

Question: I am confused why some critics have stated that Joshua Jacksonwas miscast in the role of Peter on Fringe. I couldn't disagree more. Joshua is a good actor and Peter has good chemistry with Olivia. If anything they need to give him more to do than just be a babysitter all the time. They are wasting his fine talents, which is hardly his fault. (However, I must say he would have been miscast in the army doctor role over on Grey's Anatomy! He was too young for that role.) And regarding Desperate Housewives, you recently stated that you find Gale Harold's performance "surprisingly charming." What drives me crazy about his addition to the show is that he is totally wasted. Again, another great actor given very little to do except take off his shirt and beg for attention. It's also more than a bit odd watching the former "Brian Kinney" being the whipping boy for Teri Hatcher. As if... And just for the record, I agree with you about Heroes this year. All this time traveling is confusing, especially with regards to Peter. I can't figure out which one he is supposed to be half the time, and I've been a fan since the first episode. However, I like watching Sylar play the good guy — it's amusing. And I must admit to liking My Own Worst Enemy. Perhaps it is because I thought the show would be just plain terrible and surprisingly it isn't. My husband and I enjoy it for what it is. (Plus it is great to get to see Christian Slater on TV every Monday night!) — CB

Matt Roush: I'm not sure who you're reading, but I've got no beef with Joshua Jackson on Fringe. His snarky take on the crisis of the week and John Noble as his cracked dad are the high points of just about every episode. It's Anna Torv's Olivia who, after my strong first impression, I've had trouble warming up to. I'm still trusting the show will work out its kinks and figure out the appropriate mix where all of its primary characters are concerned. (And I have to think that where Grey's Anatomy is concerned, his role would have been conceived way differently from where they've taken it with the terrific Kevin McKidd.) As for Gale Harold: I like the change of pace in making him so sympathetic and vulnerable. He's a supporting player in this ensemble and that's as it should be. We'll be tackling Heroes at length as this week's column continues, but I will say I've had people write in to say I should lighten up where My Own Worst Enemy is concerned. After pre-screening last week's episode, I think I have a better solution. How about I start ignoring it like most of the rest of the world?

I just thought it was cool that my letter appeared on this site...a small ray of sunshine in an otherwise dreary world.

WTF!?

2008-11-02T17:03:00.004-05:00

Brian just got a phone call from his boss at Atlas. They laid him off! Just like that...

They got bought up by another company on Friday which means that Atlas had to lay off a few people. Last one in = first one out.

Our fucking country is going down the toilet...and taking my family down the drain with it.

VOTE NO ON PROP 8 (California)

2008-11-02T12:58:00.003-05:00

While I don't condone the illegal act this person engaged in...I do admire her/his passion for the cause. Same-sex couples deserve to be treated equally under the law. The outcome of this issue will affect our whole country. If you live in California or know anyone who does - please ask them to vote NO on Prop 8 on Tuesday.

5 More Friends uncensored

2008-11-02T12:32:00.001-05:00

Don't forget to Vote on Tuesday! YOUR vote counts!

Sunday...Sunday...

2008-11-02T12:29:00.001-05:00

What is it about Sunday that makes me so depressed? For over a year now, each Sunday I wake up and hide under the covers for as long as I can. In the end, I have to force myself to finally get up and face my family. Sunday means I'm going to be cranky and depressed. Sunday sucks the life out of me!

Today is no different. I woke up annoyed and unhappy. I'm really ticked off at my son. Last night he was acting like a huge brat. When I had enough and told him that he needed to go to bed, he slammed his bedroom door and yelled "Fuck You Bitch!" Yep...those words of love and respect came out of my 8 year-old's mouth. I'm so proud. He got a spanking, but that won't deter him. I know it will happen again. I don't even want to look at him today. Actually, I don't want to look at anyone today.

I'm pretty annoyed that every weekend I never seem to accomplish the things that I would like to do. For example, I've been wanting to go see a dollar movie for three weeks now. I ask Brian and he just shrugs. I asked a friend to join me but she had plans. I was going to go alone last night, but then Brandon's little out burst ruined my enthusiasm. I need to go buy shoes too - but I haven't been able. We run around taking our kids everywhere...crossing off our to do list...but there is never time or energy to just enjoy the weekend. Or at least, that is how I feel. Maybe that is why I hate Sunday. I know it is the last day I have to attempt to have a life I semi-enjoy...and I know I'm going to fail and spend it in a way I don't want too.

Last night, I spent 3 hours ironing. Whoa! Party animal. I DID accomplish one minor thing during this time, however. I caught up on watching the 2 episodes of Grey's Anatomy and an episode of Pushing Daisies that I had missed. I still have to watch 3 episodes of Chuck - good thing I still have laundry to iron.

I plan on spending most of this beautiful day inside cleaning. I hope your Sunday is a much happier, sunnier place to be.

Incredibly sad...totally preventable!

2008-10-28T14:28:00.005-04:00

Did you hear about this tragedy? What kind of parent takes his 8 year-old to a gun show... and lets him shoot an uzi? What kind of 'show' would allow a minor to handle one? Why in the hell were they using live amo? I hope all those gun owner's rights freaks take a good long look at this little boy's face. I hope they remember him and how he didn't have to die. Someone needs to go to jail for this - at the very least, this is child neglect. What a shame. (And this is the perfect example of the reality that 'guns really do kill' - not just the people using them.)

Police Probe Boy's Gun Show Death
By SUSAN HAIGH, AP

WESTFIELD, Mass. (Oct. 28) - With an instructor watching, an 8-year-old boy at a gun fair aimed an Uzi at a pumpkin and pulled the trigger as his dad reached for a camera.

It was his first time shooting a fully automatic machine gun, and the recoil of the weapon was too much for him. He lost control and fatally shot himself in the head.

Now gun safety experts — and some gun enthusiasts at the club where the shooting happened — are wondering why such a young child was allowed to fire a weapon used in war. Local, state and federal authorities are also investigating whether everyone involved had proper licenses or if anyone committed a criminal act.

"It's easy to lose control of a weapon like that ... they are used on a battleground for a very good reason," said Jerry Belair, a spokesman for Stop Handgun Violence, based in Newton, Mass. "It's to shoot as many times as you possibly can without having to reload at an enemy that's approaching. It's not a toy. It's not something to play with."

Police said Christopher Bizilj of Ashford, Conn., was pronounced dead at Baystate Medical Center in Springfield, Mass., on Sunday afternoon, shortly after firing a 9mm micro Uzi submachine gun at the Machine Gun Shoot and Firearms Expo at the Westfield Sportsman's Club, co-sponsored by C.O.P. Firearms & Training.

"The weapon was loaded and ready to fire," Westfield police Lt. Hipolito Nunez said. "The 8-year-old victim had the Uzi and as he was firing the weapon, the front end of the weapon went up with the backfire and he ended up receiving a round in his head."

Nunez said the investigation is continuing.

Christopher, a third-grader, was attending the show with his father and sixth-grade brother, Colin. Christopher had fired handguns and rifles before, but Sunday was his first time firing an automatic weapon, said his father, Charles Bizilj.

Bizilj told the Boston Globe he was about 10 feet behind his son and reaching for his camera when the weapon fired. He said his family avoided the larger weapons, but he let his son try the Uzi because it's a small weapon with little recoil.

"This accident was truly a mystery to me," said Bizilj, director of emergency medicine at Johnson Memorial Hospital in Stafford, Conn. "This is a horrible event, a horrible travesty, and I really don't know why it happened."

Police are calling the shooting an accident but are investigating whether everyone connected with the incident had proper weapons permits. Massachusetts requires licenses to own firearms, and the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives issues different licenses to possess machine guns.

The machine gun shoot drew hundreds of people from as far away as Maine and Virginia. An advertisement said it would include machine gun demonstrations and rentals and free handgun lessons.

"It's all legal & fun — No permits or licenses required!!!!" reads the ad, posted on the club's Web site.

"You will be accompanied to the firing line with a Certified Instructor to guide you. But You Are In Control — "FULL AUTO ROCK & ROLL," the ad said.

The ad also said children under 16 would be admitted free, and both adults and children were offered free .22-caliber pistol and rifle shooting.

Massachusetts has some of the strictest gun laws in the nation. It is legal in Massachusetts for children to fire a weapon if they have permission from a parent or legal guardian and they are supervised by a properly certified and licensed instructor, Nunez said. The name of the instructor who was with the boy at the time was not released.

"We do not know at this time the full facts of this incident," Nunez said Monday.

Associated Press Writer Pat Eaton-Robb in Ashford, Conn., and Denise Lavoie in Boston contributed to this report.

I thought it was just me...

2008-10-27T00:19:00.005-04:00

Have you seen the newest DirecTV ad featuring the film Poltergeist and its stars Craig T. Nelson and Heather O'Rourke? (I won't lend to its viewership by posting a link to it - but you can find it on You Tube and other sources if you like.) Well, I am just disgusted by it.

For those who do not know, the young actress who portrays Carol Anne (O'Rourke) in the films, died of septic shock at the age of 12 - shortly before the release of Poltergeist 3. So I thought it was incredibly tasteless to feature her in this ad. I was especially offended that Craig T. Nelson "talks" to her as if she were still living and standing there. I normally think their ads are cute - but this one is just terrible!

Shame on them for exploting a dead child for a buck. I have read some rumors online that her family gave their permission for DirecTV to use her image in the ad - but that still doesn't make it feel right to me. Although she died 20 years ago, and I know dead actors and actresses are used all the time in ads (Marilyn Monroe...James Dean as just 2 examples), the fact that she died so young makes it her an exception to the rule to me.

I remember being very upset when she passed away in 1988. I couldn't say why it affected me so much - but I recall how sad I was when I heard of her passing. Perhaps it was because she was the first child I "knew" that died. All I know is I hope they yank this ad off the air. It is really just too sad. RIP Heather...

DirecTV's 'Poltergeist' ad gives some viewers the creeps

By Anne Glover, Times Staff Writer

In print: Wednesday, October 15, 2008

We're seeing dead people.

And that has some of us up in arms over a DirecTV ad that's running on television right now.
You might have seen it. It's one of those commercials where they take a classic movie scene and use one of the original stars to promote the TV service. Previous ads have featured Sigourney Weaver in a classic Aliens scene and Robert Patrick as the T-1000 from the Terminator 2 helicopter scene.

In this case, it's Poltergeist. Craig T. Nelson, who played the dad in the 1982 movie, is real and alive in the ad. But Heather O'Rourke, who is seen reciting the movie's memorable line, "Theeeyyyy'rre heeerrre" is deceased. She died in 1988 at age 12 of septic shock while undergoing an operation to remove a bowel obstruction.

And that, some blog posters and their readers say, is why this ad really creeps them out.
"Glad I'm not the only one who was a bit taken aback by this ad. I don't begrudge Nelson the dough but couldn't they have figured out a way to not use the dead little girl?" wrote Dan Taylor on Slashfilm.com.

Tiffany on EW's PopWatch blog said: "I had kind of an unsettled feeling when I first saw this, too. Couldn't they find another memorable Craig T. Nelson movie to re-make for the commercial? Oh, I guess not. But really, a dead child should be off limits when shilling something she didn't live long enough to see or experience."

And on AdFreak.com, Jim wrote: "I found it inappropriate. … It's one thing if the actor in question died of natural causes as an adult, but if you're aware of Heather O'Rourke's tragedy, it overwhelms the message. Will Dominique Dunne be in the next spot?" She's the young actor strangled by her former boyfriend right before Poltergeist was released.

Given the reaction out on the Web, seems as if the DirecTV folks would have been better off not disturbing the ghosts on this one.

Topsy Turvy...

2008-10-25T22:53:00.004-04:00

Well, I've been employed now for three weeks. My body is still trying to adjust itself to my new schedule. By Thursday morning, I feel like I've been hit by a tank! Hopefully this will pass soon.

I'm also readjusting to being a working mother again. My house is now always in shambles. The laundry gets piled up faster too. It really bothers me because I had gotten used to being on top of these things. When I get home though all I want to do is rest before Brandon gets home from school. Regardless, I always feel like I am rushing off (or preparing to rush off)to pick someone up or run an errand. Sigh! How in the heck did I used to handle all of this?

Another odd result of my new job is the new anxiety of having more money. Yes, you read that right. Before I sort of got numb about every thing piling up because I knew we just didn't have the money to take care of certain bills or situations. Now we have a bit more money coming into the house and suddenly I'm stressed about what to do with it. We have been putting so much off - like paying some bills, buying new clothes, fixing our car and so forth - that now I'm not sure where to start. How crazy is that?!

I really do enjoy my new job though. The people I work with are great. It is a very easy-going place. We all click nicely. Like I mentioned before, my boss is very flexible on my needs. He lets me leave when I need too - which allows me to be super mommy or get extra hours when I am able. It's not a hard job either.

Did I mention that I lost my driver's license? I've been looking for the damned thing for 3 weeks! I finally broke down and went to the BMV on Friday to replace it. FYI - if this ever happens to you, bring your birth certificate AND your social security card with you. After waiting for 30 minutes, I found out the hard way and had to return with both documents. I don't like my new photo as much as my old one.

This weekend has been all about catching up: house work, bills and laundry. I also worked on the yard and Brian worked in the garage and fixed the break lights on our car. Tomorrow we will finally get the Halloween decorations up - I hope! We bought Brandon his costume tonight. Get this! He is going as a....banana! My kid marches to the beat of his own drum. I'm going to the grocery store to get one of those Dole stickers off the bananas. We are going to put it on his cheek. LOL I'll have to post a photo.

Hmm - what else?! Last night we went to the Blue Jacket game. I has bought tickets for the game for Brian's b-day present. The lost to the New York Rangers (who have a surprisingly large fan base here) 3-1. It was a very boring game. There was some bad penalties which cost us. Plus, I had to sit next to this obnoxious fat guy who kept belching all night! It was disgusting.

Last weekend we went to see Ballet Met's Dracula. (I think I told you all that Brian won 2 free tickets to every Ballet Met performance this year.) Our seats were excellent - dead center stage and about 10 rows up. I was really looking forward to this performance. For years I planned on going to see it, but I never had the money. Once again Ballet Met is saying they are retiring Dracula, but they've said that in the past. Well, it was pretty good. The two lead female dancers were awesome! I also really enjoyed the Brides of Dracula. The weak link? Dracula! Can you believe it? He just looked silly most of the time - particularly when scurrying around trying to appear like a bat. Plus he is one of their oldest dancers and it shows. His gut rolling over his pants during a shirtless scene was a bit unappealing. Overall I gave it a B+. We are going to see Cold Nights/Hot Dance in November. It is the performance they gave during their recent trip to NYC last month...so we are hopeful it will be very good.

Can you believe that Halloween is next Friday?! Where has the year gone? Before you know it I'll be Christmas shopping.

Happy Birthday Shout Outs to two of my very favorite people: Weird Al and little Xander!

Guess what? I read about a contest that I am thinking about entering. It is a short-story contest for fictional stories centered on a bisexual character. Dare I submit something and bare my heart & soul to just anyone? I think so...

This applies to so many things in my life...

2008-10-24T23:05:00.000-04:00

I'm back....

2008-10-19T23:19:00.000-04:00

Guess what?! My internet is now working at home again! Huzzah!!

A friend of mine (Jim) who is an IT super genius, was kind enough to take a look at my laptop. We were there almost 3 1/2 hours, but it was totally worth it to be able to take my laptop home and know I would be able to get online once again. He also dumped a bunch of unnecessary crap and added a few new bells and whistles to keep me safe. Best of all, he did it for free. What a guy! All hail Jim!

Bonus: He is going to set me up with a fully updated/clean system as soon as I am willing to part with my laptop for 3 days.

Oh joy!

I know I owe you all a much more detailed entry...but for now, I just wanted to share with you my good news. This means I will be able to post much more regularly.

Catch up with you all very soon!

Guess who has a job?!

2008-10-04T16:18:00.002-04:00

This is going to be a super quick post because Brian is waiting for me so we can go out and celebrate his birthday (which is today)...but I got a job yesterday! Woo Whoo!

I'm going to be a receptionist at a brand new Allstate Insurance agency located in Clintonville. I'll be working 9-3 Monday-Thursday. I can already tell that the people I'll be working with are great and that I will like this job. My boss is super nice and a close friend of two people I know and trust to steer me in the right direction...they love him too. My new boss seems very pro-family (but not in a scary far right wing way). :o)

I promise to deliver more on this big break very soon.

Thanks to everyone who sent out the good vibes. It worked - I start Monday.

A very quick update...

2008-09-25T14:13:00.002-04:00

I'm sure everyone wants to know about my interview...

It went very well - I am so ridiculously qualified to do the job! The good news is that when I got there, the director tells me there are now 2 open positions available. So I have twice the chance to get a position. She gives a tour of the building with each interview and I have to say I'd like my new cubicle. :o)

The bad news - it is way out pass Town & Country Shopping Mall in Whitehall! When they said E. Broad St., I thought near downtown. I wasn't too thrilled with that.

I won't know anything until next Wednesday.

Keep your fingers crossed - because I haven't heard back from anyone else yet. :o(

Don't Miss this Event at the Wex...

2008-09-25T14:10:00.002-04:00

It's Elementary: Talking About Gay Issues in School
(Debra Chasnoff, 1996)
It's Still Elementary
(Debra Chasnoff, 2007)// Double FeatureTue, Oct 7, 2008 7:00PMFilm/Video Theater

Twelve years ago, the groundbreaking documentary It's Elementary (37 mins., video) forever changed the way people thought about discussing gay and lesbian issues with children in a school setting.The award-winning film became a catalyst for a national movement to teach children respect for gays and lesbians through classroom discussions. The new documentary It's Still Elementary (48 mins., video) explores the history of why the original film was made and examines the need the film fulfilled and continues to fulfill to this day.Stay after the films for a panel discussion moderated by Brad Mitchell, director of the Franklin County Education Council, and featuring teachers from the Pink T.I.G.ers, a teacher inquiry group committed to fighting homophobia in schools. A dessert reception concludes the evening.Attention teachers: Educators who attend this film screening will be invited to sign-up for a follow-up workshop examining strategies to promote sensitivity in the classroom using a real-world arts integration project from a local school district.

TICKETS
$5 members$7 general public$5 students$5 senior citizens

EVENT SPONSORS
Cosponsored by the Pink T.I.G.ers.Additional support provided by Equality Ohio, Groundspark, Indianola K–8 PTO, Kaleidoscope Youth Center, the Ohio State University GLBT Alumni Society, and Ohio State’s Multicultural Center, Sexuality Studies program, School of Teaching & Learning, and Mansfield Campus Education Department.

Hey! That's today...

2008-09-25T13:28:00.003-04:00

POW! BANG! KER-SPLASH!

You don’t have to don a cape and tights on September 25th, National Comic Book Day, but you may want to read all about your favorite superhero(es) and their evil counterparts. From the rise of graphic novels to the latest Batman movie to a recent Metropolitan Museum of Art exhibition exploring the connection between comic book heroes and fashion, these little action-packed magazines have had a lasting impact on our cultural landscape. They’ve also kept generations of readers entertained since Superman’s first appearance in the 1930s. Sure you’ve got your stash of prized comics, but you might also want to check out books at the library that detail the history and trends of comic books.

(*Currently I'm all about the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8 graphic novels...)

And the winner is...

2008-09-22T15:14:00.003-04:00

My good fortune is continuing into this week. I decided to spend the $50 I earned from being a guest lecturer at Ohio Dominican University on a new outfit for my interview tomorrow. I found some great pants at Target on clearance - but they didn't have my size. :o( They told me that the Polaris Target might have a pair though, so I decided to suck it up and spend the gas to go see. Sure enough they had them! AND guess what size I had to get? Not my usual size 18...but a size 16! Whoo hoo! It's probably just the way that company makes their pants - but it was still a big ego boost for me. :o)

I managed to get a new shirt, pants and earrings for less than $37. I think that was a great deal. Plus I feel so much more confident walking in with a nice new outfit. I even went and got a haircut with my left over money. I really needed one so it all worked out. The only thing I didn't get to buy was some new shoes. I just didn't have the money. Perhaps next time.

My interview is tomorrow...and I'm pretty nervous. I know I'm qualified, but I haven't had an interview in years. All I can do is be myself though and sell them on my experience. I appreciate all the kind words of luck from my readers. I'll let you know what happens.

This past weekend turned into a big cleaning frenzy at home. Brian and I spent all of Saturday cleaning our basement. Sunday we spent a large chunk of time just cleaning the house itself and doing the laundry. Sounds pretty boring - but I enjoyed being able to just hang out with my husband. We capped the night off with a trip to Rita's Italian Ice. OMG! You have to get over there and try their new Pumpkin Pie ice cream. It's excellent!

The Emmy's: I cannot believe Hugh Laurie didn't win an Emmy last night. What was worst was that he wasn't even there...so I didn't get to even see him. Grr! I also thought Michael Emerson (Ben on Lost) got totally ripped off. He was excellent this past season. I enjoyed the Emmy's this year. I liked how they did the sets from all the TV shows. Plus Josh Grobin doing Cartman from South Park was hilarious! I actually felt bad for Kathy Griffin (whom I normally despise)...Don Rickles was a nightmare. When he won for his category, I thought about shooting my television. :o) Best moment of the night was Ricky Gervais making fun of Steve Carell though. "Look at his stupid face!" I laughed and laughed! I also thought it was funny when Sally Field handed Tom hanks his Emmy...reuniting the Forrest Gump mother and son.

Feeling lucky...

2008-09-19T13:00:00.010-04:00

This week the weather has been so beautiful. It really has lifted my spirits. I wish I could find a place to live where it is sunny with mild temperatures 90% of the year. I'm feeling rather lucky this week. I probably shouldn't have typed that...now my luck might vanish. Still, good things have been happening in my life and that is rare - so I am celebrating!

We survived the big, bad wind storm of 2008 with hardly a scratch. Trees fell near our home, but none of our trees were damaged. The worst thing I had to do was rake up all the pine cones and crab apples that fell during the storm. We also didn't lose our electricity...and therefore I didn't miss the season premiere of House! (My priorities are out of wack, no?) Several of my friends lost their electricity, however. What a hassle! I've been trying to spread some good karma around the universe though. Twice now I've gone up to random AEP employees (who are from out of state) and thanked them for their help.

Brian also won a huge raffle prize from Ballet Met! This means that we get 2 free tickets to every performance this season! I already picked up tickets for the October and November shows. We both enjoy Ballet Met's performances and I'm so excited that I am finally able to go see their production of Dracula. We also received 6 free tickets to COSI and a crap load of COSI gift shop items. I can't believe we won!

I also landed my first interview for the very first position I applied for! It's next week. I'm hoping for several more calls as I just sent in eight more resumes yesterday. Perhaps I will employed again very soon. (Fingers crossed!)

Another Secret Truth...

2008-09-19T13:00:00.004-04:00

Who wouldn't?

I'm almost ready to forgive Brad Pitt after this...

2008-09-19T13:00:00.002-04:00

Actor Brad Pitt gives $100,000 to California marriage fight
September 18, 2008Chris Johnson

Hollywood leading man Brad Pitt announced yesterday that he's forking over $100,000 to fight Proposition 8, the California ballot amendment to strip gay and lesbian couples of their right to marry in the state. The pledge is being touted as the largest given to the marriage fight by a Hollywood celebrity.

Brad Pitt issued a great statement against discrimination yesterday as his gift was announced: "Because no one has the right to deny another their life, even though they disagree with it, because everyone has the right to live the life they so desire if it doesn't harm another and because discrimination has no place in America, my vote will be for equality and against Proposition 8."

LOVE that, Brad! Now, where's the rest of Hollywood?!

So far, the Human Rights Campaign has donated over $2 million to preserve marriage equality in California and is a member of the Equality for All coalition working to defeat the amendment.

SNL Gets it right...

2008-09-16T14:11:00.001-04:00

Wow! Tina Fey looks just like Palin...it's freaky!

I came here seeking clarity...

2008-09-10T14:26:00.000-04:00

Last week was dreadful. I was in such a low pit of depression that I could barely drag my sorry ass out of bed. I can’t remember a time in the recent past that I have felt that down. (Imagine if I were not already on meds!) I could not muster an ounce of self-confidence or even self-respect…which isn’t so great when you are supposed to be out there looking for a job, or at the very least updating your resume.

Friday brought a brief happy moment. I finally made it out to meet my friend Regina and her new (if you can call a 10 month old new) baby, Xander. He was more adorable in person than in all those photos she had emailed me. A mop of curly blond locks and eyes so blue that it looked like God snatched a piece of the sky for them. He was a real charmer and I delighted in being able to hold him – twice! Surprisingly, I did not feel the pang of baby lust. I was just happy to be the friend of the mother. It was good to spend time with Regina too. I was afraid it might be awkward since it had been a long time since we had seen one another – but it felt normal and like always, at least to me.

Unfortunately as soon I left them, I got hit with a crushing wave depression again. It was all I could do not to burst into tears all the way home. In my muddled dark thoughts I was idealizing my friend’s good fortunes. She had a new car, a beautiful new son, a nice house to drive home too and a happy marriage. She knew where she would be for the next 4-5 years…and it was a happy choice. I was full of envy. Of course, I know my friend’s life is not so clean-cut and that she has her own problems like everyone else…but I couldn’t set aside my twisted thoughts in favor of reality.

I spent the whole weekend cleaning my house. Brian and I took on long ignored projects like cleaning out my son’s jammed-packed closet. Surprisingly it was the very ticket I needed to sort out my thoughts too. As we cleaned and sorted, we actually spent some time together and talked. It was a nice bonus.

This week has been much better. I actually did update my resume on Monday. While doing so, I was surprised to learn that my most recent previous employer NIBCO had gone out of business! (Well, the location I worked at is no longer in business I should say…the company still exists.) I shouldn’t admit this but I was happy. Screw them! That place was just awful to its employees. I guess karma got them in the end though. I also had to call the boss who I worked for previous to NIBCO, to get his updated information for my references. I worked for Mike at Wasserstrom and he was just the best person. I really miss seeing him every day. He was such a great friend and mentor. We chatted for almost 30 minutes and that really lifted my spirits.

I’m proud to say that I even managed to send my resume out for a couple of positions…one of which contacted me the very next day! I had fill out a questionnaire – which I did – and now I’m waiting to see what happens next. It may not be the job I end up at, but it felt good to get some sort of reply. It made me feel less like a loser and I finally felt like I had tossed that monkey of my back. I’m now in the groove of looking for a job without all the self-doubt of the week before.

One good thing did come out of all my job-hunting procrastinating last week…I worked on a lot of things for SpeakOUT. I sent out the update, planned our September meeting and sent out a press release too. I crafted a post-card to send to our members regarding the meeting and got those mailed out as well. I even managed to write and send in my latest opinion piece for Outlook Weekly. It was nice to feel like I was accomplishing something in the face of all that negativity.

I also made my decision – you know, the decision! I’m giving my notice. I will serve out the remainder of 2008 as the Director of SpeakOUT, but as of January 1st it is someone else’s responsibility. If that date comes, and there is no one to fill in my place, that is too bad and SpeakOUT will no longer have meetings (or perhaps even a group). I have given it 110% and 5 years of my life…that’s enough. I’m still planning on staying on as President of the Board though. To prove that I’m serious, I even crafted a press release for the position and SENT IT! So there!!

Well, I need to get going. I just wanted to post something so you would know that I am still out here. With any luck, I hope to have more good news to pass along to you soon.

The Vicious Circle

2008-09-04T11:29:00.003-04:00

TV shows today are so interactive! If you watched the premiere of the *NEW* 90210 on the CW this past Tuesday, then you know all about Silver's v-blog "The Vicious Circle." Well, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, you can actually visit her site! I wish we had this technology when I was a kid. I couldn't have imagined being able to break that invisible barrier between the world you see on television and interacting with it online. It kind of boggles the mind when you think about it.

Obviously this is nothing new. LOST does one hell of a job creating multiple real websites (and working telephone numbers) for fans to scour for hints not provided in the actual show. How I Met Your Mother's Barney has a real blog too! It's almost too much for a TV geek like me to handle.

So did you watch 90210? As a big fan of the original, I owed it to myself to watch it at least once. I thought it was OK, but I longed for more of the original characters/places than I cared about these new wannabees. I'm sure the Gossip Girl crowd will love it. I felt a bit old explaining all the inside jokes to my 11 year-old daughter, though. Was it just me or did Brenda look terrible? Too much sun worship!

What did you think?

My latest article for Outlook Weekly...before it hits the presses

2008-09-03T15:47:00.002-04:00

California ’s Proposition 8 - Allies are the key to stopping it but LGBT organizations are failing to attract them with tired strategies

Have you seen the 60-second 'Garden Wedding' advertisement released by Let California Ring, a project of the Equality California Institute, which asks “What if you couldn’t marry the person you loved?” If not, you can view it online at www.letcaliforniaring.org.

The multi-million-dollar ad is currently being aired on cable stations in California which attract younger voters who are thought to be most likely to support same-sex marriage. Which begs this ally to ask the following questions; Is this specific commercial the best use of their money? Aren’t they just preaching to the choir by only airing it on stations which target youth audiences? If they are truly concerned about “changing the climate in California ” as their website declares, then shouldn’t they be reaching out to the undecided crowd? And last, but certainly not least, what is up with this terrible commercial?

Now I’m no marketing expert, and I’m sure there are many much smarter people making the decisions in this all-important ballot initiative, but this commercial makes zero sense to me as an ally (their targeted audience). The obstacles the heterosexual couple face in this ad are trivial…tripping over cans, getting blocked by wedding attendants. It certainly left no impression on me to link the commercial to the upcoming ballot initiative. For the amount of money Let California Ring spent on this ad, I think they should have showcased the real issues in a 'non-political way'…like perhaps showcasing the same heterosexual couple's evolution from just meeting to racing to the court house to apply for a wedding license - only to discover that the doors won't open for them.

I'm sure that the fine people of Let California Ring have the best of intentions, but when we are talking about finite resources (like time and money) they need to get the most bang for their buck. This commercial isn’t that - and since every LGBT organization from here to San Francisco is asking us to send contributions to California to help stop Proposition 8...well, shouldn't we be assured that our money is being spent wisely?

For as long as California has been fighting for same-sex marriage, I feel like the LGBT organizations and community should have been spending their time and money educating the general public on this issue much earlier. It is a classic mistake that I see ‘gay organizations’ make all the time. They wait until a proposition is on the table before they go knocking on John/Jane Q. Public’s door.

Let’s face it – the LGBT community is just not large or rich enough to stop or pass an issue (which directly affects their lives) without the help of straight voters. That’s why a substantial amount of time, energy and money needs to be set aside by these groups to reach out to the straight community (not just straight politicians) in order to build lasting relationships and accepting mindsets. Then they would have an established base to reach out too when anti-gay legislation comes up for a vote.

Instead, most groups spend the majority of their resources within the LGBT community – only venturing outside the ‘triangle community’ as a reaction to a volatile situation. If we want to succeed in preventing anti-gay legislation, however, we need to do so by purposefully creating a base foundation within the straight community through constant proactive outreach and education beginning as early as middle school.

The equality issues that the LGBT community faces are too important to leave up to chance. We cannot hope that every straight person out there is going to have an “ah-ha moment” and go through a social awakening without prodding.

Here in Ohio we have our own issues to address – one being the removal of “Issue One” from our state constitution. We activists have been told by the powers that be to be patient, to allow the court cases to form our path…but one thing we know is that in the end it will likely take a ballot initiative to remove this blight on our state, and that means we will need all the allies we can get. I just hope that Ohio’s LGBT groups won’t wait until a few months before the vote to spend any money or energy reaching out for help. (That's how we got into this mess in the first place!)

Ohio's LGBT organizations should be doing the ground work now…years before the actual vote occurs. I’ll leave it up to my readers to decide if this is happening here in Ohio or not, but I encourage each of you to think about the main reason we are in this boat to begin with...hint: it has more to do with a lack of education than actual bigotry. When it's our turn in the national spot light - let's make every effort (and every penny) count by not making the same mistakes.

Down the Rabbit Hole with Alice...Cooper that is

2008-08-25T13:20:00.002-04:00

So what’s a married with children couple to do on a Sunday night? Well, if you are married to an Alice Cooper fan, like I am, then you were at the LC last night to see the 60 year-old shock rocker. Believe me…I never thought I would be at an Alice Cooper concert, but Brian really wanted to go so I used some connections to swing a couple of free tickets. He was thrilled – I was less so.

Truthfully, I didn’t know what to expect accept for some rumors that he liked to eat the heads off bats…oh, wait that’s Ozzy. Well, I knew that religious groups liked to picket his shows…oh, wait maybe that’s Marilyn Manson. Hmm…I guess I didn’t know a hell of a lot about him. As it was, I went into the show only knowing a handful of his “hits,” and he played two of them within the first 15 minutes of the show. Just my luck!

I was a bit naive to think most people were like me when it came to Alice Cooper and made the incorrect assumption that the show would be sparsely attended. Instead I was floored when we walked in during his opening number (“No More Mr. Nice Guy”), and we were greeted by a sea of fans banging their heads and raising their fists in rock anthem fashion. It was packed! After three (plus) decades in the business, Alice can stick pack them in.

Honestly I was overwhelmed by the sights all around me…or perhaps it was just a contact high from the two dudes smoking a bowl in front of us, or the couple to our right dragging on a doobie. Regardless of the reason, my eyes kept flitting from the stage to the audience. I was amazed at the variety of people around me. There were old Grateful Dead-style white guys, tons of Hooka-types, preppy college guys and gals, old “marrieds” like me and Brian & children…lots of children!

I was distracted all night by the two very unhappy looking kids to our left who were about my own kid’s ages and by the fair haired boy on his father’s shoulders way down in the front. That kid was maybe 5. I was very surprised that the show was an all-ages event. It shouldn’t have been. It was a totally inappropriate environment for any child to be in, and the parent in me just couldn’t dial it back enough to truly enjoy the show. What were these parents thinking? Before you dismiss me as being too old to rock n roll…let me just give you three examples of the antics going on onstage: there was a realistic hanging, Alice slices the throat of a mother and steals her baby carriage away from her and finally he stabs the baby in the chest with a stake! Sound like something your five year-old should be watching?

There were so many high, falling-down drunken people wandering the lawn area that I lost count. Three ladies plowed into us on their way down the slopped walk way. I kept waiting for someone to fall over or drop their bucket-sized beers on those two kids who were sitting on the walkway. Their parents were oblivious. Like I said…it was all very distracting. Plus, I could barely breathe from all the smoke. I had forgotten how nasty concerts were before the smoking ban took effect. Unfortunately they do not apply to outdoor shows. Apart from that, I thought it was great fun to see ladies tossing their underwear on stage and lifting their shirts for some beads. I lost count of how many devil horns I saw waving in the air. Now I can truly say I’ve been to an old school rock show.

As for the show itself, I thought it was pretty good. Alice still looked good and his voice sounded great – although there were some technical sound issues throughout the night. He used lots of props to engage the audience, which was fun. His band was pretty awesome. In particular, I really enjoyed the extended (three-person) drum solo and a separate acoustic guitar solo. His stage show had its ups and downs. He had stage actors portraying lots of different zombie-like characters. They were very entertaining and obviously had professional dance back-grounds.

The one-moment of the show which really ruined the night for me, however, involved one of these actors. During the performance of “Only Women Bleed” (which I thought was a song against violence) Alice repeatedly beat, slapped and finally choked a girl to death. As a survivor of domestic violence, I was profoundly disturbed by this “show.” Yes, I know it is a “shock act” and I know that Alice likes to be the villain in his show – but there comes a time when a performer has to realize what their actions might insight others to do. I lost a lot of respect for Alice after that and honestly would have walked out at that point had it been my decision. Oh, stabbing the baby and then holding it up for all to see was just in bad taste too. (When Alice later sang in his rock anthem “School’s Out” that they “had no class” – well, I had to agree.)

Overall – I still have to say that I enjoyed the concert. Brian was happy that he got to see him, and that’s all that really mattered to me. I’m glad to be able to say that I saw a rock legend in concert. We walked out next to a guy who had just seen Alice for the 35th time…for me though, once was enough.

Closure...

2008-08-22T15:15:00.000-04:00

I have a theory that what I really need in my life is closure. The demons that run wild inside me…the ones that keep me up at night going over conversations I had a decade earlier…could be silenced with closure. Take for example the men I had relationships with prior to my husband: there were only really four that shook me to my core (Mark, Ray, Craig & Sergei). I used to think about these guys all the time. What should I have done differently? Why didn’t I say this or that when I had the chance? What would life be like if I (or they) had chosen to stay together? You know what I’m talking about - those pesky after thoughts that come way too late.

Then something amazing happened! One by one, I came into contact with these men years after we parted ways. I heard their voices, read their MySpace page, ran into them in person and most importantly learned what became of them. It was the best elixir for the soul! I’m not going to say that I immediately stopped thinking about them once I had closure – but I certainly stopped having these circular, pointless arguments in my head about them. Actually, I can honestly say I have nothing but positive thoughts about each of them now…able to cherish the time we spent together and not linger on the negatives.

I contacted Mark (my first husband) with Brian’s knowledge and permission. (I wrote about that decision and the reason behind it in a previous blog entry.) At first it was a terrible situation! I became really infatuated with being in touch with him again after all these years. Brian knows that Mark will always have a piece of my heart but I am not in love with him anymore. I care about Mark despite our horrible break-up. Making peace with him and what happened between us was a huge step in my life. I had not spoken or heard from Mark in almost 10 years when I contacted him though. I learned all sorts of things about his life – and saw lots of photos on his MySpace page. He is still with the girl he left me for…but apparently they are separated and headed toward a possible divorce. He joined the service just like he wanted too. His parents had also divorced. He became a Buddhist! We still chit chat by email from time to time – always bringing up the idea of meeting in person when he is in town. A year later it hasn’t happened and it probably won’t. I remember the very last time I saw him. It was a teary, long kiss goodbye type of scene. I said to him, “I know this is the last time I will ever see you.” I was right (so far). A big part of me thinks that it should stay that way. It was a nice good-bye. I don’t regret getting back in touch with him though. It makes me happy to know he is OK and that I can reach him if I really needed too. I also got to say a few things to him that I had long wanted too. It has been a positive experience.

Craig, it turns out, married and is a father as well. I saw him in person – at Target of all places (which is where we worked together when we dated). He is working for an electric/phone company (I can’t remember which) and owns a house in Delaware. What shocked me the most about Craig was that he had obviously carried a torch for me long after we parted ways. I’m not stroking my own ego – I promise. Apparently he even kept tabs on me long after we broke up. It was kind of creepy actually. Truthfully, I never thought he cared that much about me. It was weird to find out otherwise. We tried to email for awhile, but it was obvious he just wanted to get me back in bed and I cut ties with him pretty quickly. He never grew up even though he moved on in life doing adult things. I bet he still owns like 30 black t-shirts. :o)

Getting in touch with Sergei, I realized (finally) that he was never as into me as I was into him – which I knew when we dated, but didn’t want to admit it. He was still playing hockey at the time we spoke on the phone – this time in Alaska. (Later he ended up in Florida teaching hockey at some ice rink.) He got married and was as self-absorbed as ever. A ten minute phone conversation was all it took for me to realize what I mistake I would have made had I actually ended up with him. Good riddance! Have a nice life buddy!

Well, you may have noticed I skipped over Ray. There’s a good reason for that – he is the only one I have not achieved that magical closure moment with. It is long overdue. Last night I had a dream about him (which is not a rare occurrence)…which is what inspired this post. Ray is a long story…but I’ll try to make it simple: He was my boss, he was much older than me, we were both in other serious relationships during our time together and I almost ran off and married him instead of Mark! He all but got down on one knee…but it didn’t happen, because of me. He had two kids and I wanted him to make sure he was really sure that I was what he wanted. I regretted that choice for a long time after things fell apart with Mark and Ray moved away and had another kid with his wife. Yet, it was the right thing to do. I insisted that he owed it to himself and his family to try. (See – the other woman isn’t always a heartless bitch!) It is hard to believe that it was 1992 when all this happened…where does time go?

I always have these wonderful dreams about Ray. He is always there to support me. He is always kind and his hugs and kisses feel as if they could renew life itself. I guess that is how my heart remembers him. I know what I shared above sounds very sorted – but the truth is our romance was very simple and old-fashioned: it was all stolen moments, passing notes, holding hands and kissing under a tree in the park where we ate our lunch and listened to the oldies channel. That’s it! Yet, it was one of the best romances I’ve ever had. I remember how he refused to let go of my hand when he drove us to lunch – even though he had a stick-shift. He would shift gears and steer with one hand so he didn’t have to let go of me. LOL I also remember how I could still smell his cologne (Old Spice) on my hands after spending an hour with him. I still have all his letters (the good & bad) that he wrote me – and they still smell like Old Spice. I think my head/heart treats him like that one great boyfriend you had in high school and never really got over.

What I want is to know what became of him after he moved to Illinois. I want to hear his voice and know if he thinks that he made the right choice those many years ago…or does he regret me? Does he even think of me after all this time? Would he even know who I was?! Mainly I just want to talk to him…to know he is OK. Like I said, he was much older than me – so maybe if I saw him now, that would alter my idea of him to what the reality is. Still, every time I hear our song, “Hold Me…Thrill Me…Kiss Me” (which he picked), I wonder what he is doing. I also wonder if he is thinking of me at that moment. There is a line in the song which goes, “Kiss me…kiss me, and when you do I’ll know that you will miss me if we ever say adieu.” I wonder if that is true. I suppose some would say all this is pointless. I mean, I’m not interested in running off with him now – so why dig up the past? I guess my heart (and perhaps my ego) just needs it. I have tried to find him online but with no luck. I’m not sure I’ll ever get that closure with him…but I want it. I want to be able to file him away like the others.

Now if I could just figure out a way to get closure with all my past employers which wronged me! That would be a real break-through moment…ideas/suggestions?

What's on my mind...

2008-08-21T22:00:00.003-04:00

Tonight I feel pissed off at the whole world. I don’t even have a good reason. For seemingly no reason, I feel a weight within my chest. I know this feeling well…it is my old friend anger. I just want to rage against something or someone.

Instead, I took a long ride and returned all our library books/videos to three different libraries. It was a waste of gas – but I just didn’t want to be home. I took Daisy and we hit the road with all the windows rolled down. I wish I could say it worked, but when I got home I felt this dread creep over me. At least Daisy had a blast. She even got to take a quick walk at the UA library. Now she is crashed out on my bed…her little head on my pillow. Ah to be a dog – so easy to be content.

The week is nearly over. The kids went back to school on Tuesday – which was such a relief. I actually treated myself to a massage that afternoon to celebrate making it through another summer. I had never used my gift certificate to Massage Envy (which was my Mother’s Day gift) so it was completely free (gratuity too!). It was a wonderful hour! I wish I could indulge in one every week. With our finances though – it was a one shot deal.

I got a little emotional when Meg went off to 6th grade. To me it was a milestone. She is now half done with school…and no longer a little girl. I can remember the very first time we put her on the school bus for kindergarten. I can hardly believe how fast it all went. She seems very happy to be in middle school now. Of course, it is only the first week. Brandon got to switch teachers after all, and he really likes his new teacher. I am much happier with her too – she is organized and even has the kids use a planner and follow a schedule.

Because of our financial issues, we qualified for free lunches this year. Of course I am happy about that – because that also means we won’t have to pay out $60 for school fees now – but if you consider the bigger picture, it sucks because it means we are very poor.

Oh! Before I forget…if you were ever considering renting/borrowing the DVD August Rush – don’t! I waited forever for it to come in and I was really disappointed. It was pretty bad…and I am no movie snob. I like chick flicks! Pass this one up. Next up: Jumper.

I did something this past weekend that I haven’t done since I was a teen…I read an entire book in 24 hours (it was over 500 pages!). It was Stephenie Meyer's “Twilight”. I should disclose that this book can be found in the juvenile literature section, so the writing was pretty easy to digest…but I would still recommend it. Over the summer, I had heard a lot about this series - which is about a human girl who falls in love with a vampire – so I decided to check it out myself before the movie comes out this fall. I had to wait awhile for a copy of the book, but it was worth it. At first the writing bothered me. Everything seemed to be in short, choppy sentences. The actual storyline between Edward and Bella was mesmerizing though! I was so invested in their budding relationship that I couldn’t put it down. So now I am on the waiting list for the next one, “New Moon.” That is the good thing about jumping in late on something popular. I don’t have to wait for the next book to come out because there are already three more out there waiting for me to read next! The same thing happened to me with the Harry Potter series. I didn’t start reading those until just before the 4th Year came out.

I also picked up Vanessa Carlton’s new CD – Heroes & Thieves. If you like her music, you will like this album.

A good thing happened this past week. My friend Jessie and I ended our feud and declared a truce. I am really happy about that because I’ve really missed her. If she can forgive me for my bad behavior then I am willing to forgive her for hers. All I care about is being able to talk to her again. Then another friend of mine sent me some new photos of her little boy. He is just adorable and I am mad at myself for not visiting them yet. I have completely missed his “baby” phase! He has four teeth now! Sigh… I have made myself a promise to visit them very soon before the kid is in kindergarten or something!

I read in some magazine this past week, 6 tips on dating a British guy. It got me thinking that of all the men I dated before my current marriage, not one of them was British! This bugged me considerably because I am such an Anglophile. I’m a sucker for an English accent and could easily see myself at a regatta (or cricket match) sipping hot tea. LOL I do have a nice international collection: Canadian, French-Canadian, Ukrainian and of course a variety of Americans. So, where was my Brit?! Now I’m forced to regret that for all time. Stupid magazine article! Sigh…at least I still have Hugh Laurie. :o)

I think I am much closer to making a final decision regarding SpeakOUT. Now I just need to find my balls again to follow-thru!

Tomorrow I plan on completing the necessary forms to qualify for state assistance for Brandon’s diabetes care. When we lost our insurance, the state took away the assistance we already had and then told us to re-file. Since our income level is lower, we will most likely qualify for a different plan now. Basically the state screwed us over when we needed the help the most. Now we will have to wait weeks to see if we will get this coverage instead. What a mess. It is the last big bunch of forms I should have to fill out for awhile – thank God! It feels like all I do is fill out forms! Back to school forms, medical forms for the school and medical forms for Brandon’s new doctor! Ack!! I’m so sick of forms. It is necessary though.

Random Thought: I’m sick of the damned Olympics!
New Television Obsession: Californication (from Showtime…but also on DVD!)
Funniest Quote of the Week: Taken from the new movie, Bottle Shock (which stars another Brit favorite, Alan Rickman)
So the American guy says: “Why don't I like you?”
The British guy replies: “It’s because you think I’m an asshole. But I’m really not; it's because I’m British and you, well, aren’t.”
What I Should be Writing instead of this Blog Entry: My resume!

Amber-ific!

2008-08-09T19:39:00.004-04:00

I saw this image on Amber Tamblyn's MySpace page and thought it was hilarious!

Check out her site...I think she's pretty damned awesome.

LK Hamilton &*%# it up...again!

2008-07-31T20:12:00.004-04:00

I must be a glutton for punishment...even though I swore off any more LK Hamilton books because I thought they were turning into little more than self-absorbed, erotica crap, I still found myself unable to not pick up a copy of her newest addition: "Blood Noir".

My only excuse is that the story is supposed to focus on one of my favorite characters in the long-running Anita Blake stories: Jason, Jean-Claude's pomme de sang. It's about damned time that he got some attention! (Plus I got it at the library...so it wasn't like I paid for it!)

But I see that nothing has changed. Sadly it only takes LK 13 pages to write in her first sex-scene...even less than that for her to concentrate on the topic itself. What the hell? What happened to LK? Go back and read Guilty Pleasures or a number of her other earlier books. There was an actual story. Now it's all about how many sex scenes she can cram into a "novel" and still not have it land in the porn store instead of the book store. Pathetic! (And a waste of talent...) Plus, I am just sick of wasted pages describing Anita's past fucks, boyfriends and true loves. OK we got it already. Ick...

Does LK not trust that her audience can handle actual dialogue or plot which doesn't have something to do with Anita being fucked? Or has she so little faith in her ability to write a book without the sex that she isn't even trying anymore? I had heard that she took her fan's dislike for the sex-heavy tomes to heart...but it doesn't seem like it too me. It is so tiresome to me already (and I've barely even begun to get to the point of the story) that I am not sure I am even going to be able to make it through this book. I guess I haven't yet learned my lesson - but I'm getting there.

Read this at your own risk...or if you are unable to get to the local porn store for your Penthouse Letters fix.

What's on my mind...

2008-07-31T20:02:00.003-04:00

(This is a photo of my husband showing his straight ally pride in the 2008 Pride Parade!)

I have a lot of things on my mind this week. Most of it revolves around money – and the lack of it. We are back to being ridiculously poor. (As in less than $2 left in our bank account poor.) It has been a long week of watching with worry as our gas gage inches toward empty and scraping meals together out of basically nothing. Thank goodness Brian gets paid tomorrow. Unfortunately, if we were to pay everything that needed to be paid by tomorrow…we’d be back to $2 in the bank for the next two weeks. So it will be up to me to figure out what gets paid and what gets put on the back burner for another two-week period. Brian just hands me the check and sulks on the couch in depression mode. It’s very stressful.

The kids go back to school on August 19th this year…so we are in the thick of back to school shopping as well. Once again, my mother has saved us. She has been buying the kids some new clothes and the majority of their supplies. We still have more to buy though before the first day of class. During Meg’s open house for 6th grade, I have to have at least $50 to pay for certain class items that the school itself sells exclusively and they are also taking class photos that day (the cheapest package runs about $15). That is only the beginning. There are class fees and other charges (like lunch tickets) that we need to be prepared for as well. I also have to put together a snack box for Brandon’s diabetes routine at school and pay for a second set of everything he will medically need for the school nurse. Again, it is very stressful & expensive.

Speaking of Brandon’s diabetes…we finally decided to change his endocrinologist. We have been with the doctors at Children’s Hospital since his diagnosis in September of 2006. Over the years, we have grown tired of the automated systems which we have to deal with to speak to nurses, to make an appointment and a slew of other things. We never seem to be able to speak to a person. We also have long waits to get in to see a doctor…and then the appointments tend to last for hours. We have heard from day one that Dr. Zipf is the premiere child endocrinologist in town…so I guess we will soon see if he lives up to the hype. I’m looking for a more personalized experience; one where my son is treated like every other kid his age with diabetes. I want his care to be focused on him as an individual. Our first appointment is on the 18th – the day before school begins.

Speaking of decisions…I have to make a very important decision and for the life of me I cannot do it. I am at a crossroads with my group SpeakOUT. Two months back, I told my board members that I wanted out. I had been burning the candle at both ends for years and I just couldn’t keep it up. I told them that I would remain on the board, but I wanted to be replaced as the director. Well, of course neither of them wanted the job and we had no other candidates, which left ending SpeakOUT as an organization as the only real solution. Could I allow this to happen after everything I did to make SpeakOUT what it was? No…but I was still tired.

So I decided to cancel all our summer monthly meetings and give myself a bit of a break to see if that would help. I still made sure that we met our summer obligations – like Pride and the AIDS Walk – and I also made the decision to continue writing and sending out our weekly update. The truth is that I don’t miss the meetings at all. Yet, everyone tells me that the meetings are an important part of the group. I’d like to have fewer (or even zero) meetings…but that doesn’t seem like a popular choice.

I think one of the main problems is that I did everything backwards. Here we are four years into it and only now am I trying to organize the group with a board, conduct fundraising and become a legal 501c3. If I had done this in the beginning – when my passion for the group was like a roaring bonfire – then perhaps it would be smoother sailing now. Instead I find myself running on empty yet still trying to run the group and organize the 501c3. It is just way too damned much for one person. Our group has changed a lot in the years – the people who are willing to come to our meetings, are not interested in being volunteers. I’m not spending my time the way I want too. I’m a paper pushing administrator now – not an activist.

I have very clear ideas on what I’d like to focus on this fall…but what about the rest of it? Do I submit my 501c3 form (and the $300 check that goes with it) knowing that we might not even have a group this time next year? Do I suck it up (again!) and just keep at it? Or do I walk away before I go insane…knowing I’ve done a hell of a lot for the cause? I clearly don’t want to end SpeakOUT, but I have to be fair to myself and my family. I’m burned out and I honestly haven’t missed being active this summer. I wonder if anyone even noticed my absence to be truthful. I have a lot of negative feelings toward some of the people involved in the LGBT leadership around town…and that has left me feeling negative sometimes about SpeakOUT. I want to think about me and my needs for a change – yet I feel very selfish doing so.

So I am wrestling with what to do. I keep looking for answers but just seem to find more questions. I’ve talked about it with some others who are in different organizations around town – and they just tell me that they’d hate to see SpeakOUT go away. I know that I have more to do…and I already know where I’d start. But do I really want too? I feel like a fraud when I get letters from strangers telling me how inspiring and wonderful I am - especially since I am so ambivalent lately. To top it all off, I lost a friend because of this. Susie and I had a huge falling out with regards to me wanting to leave the group. I can’t be held hostage to this organization for the entirety of my life – can I? I think I need to remind everyone that every thing that I do with SpeakOUT is as a volunteer. I don’t get paid a penny for the endless list of things that I do as director. That list just seems to get longer and longer too. Haven’t I pulled my share of the load?

I wish I knew what to do. I admit that my pride is at stake here too. I don’t want to be seen as a quitter, or worse, as a failure. I don’t want certain people to think they’ve “won” and succeeded in driving me out either. Fuck – this is all just a crazy mess! I wish I could have a moment of complete clarity and just pick a direction without regrets. Until then, I guess I will just struggle with this every night as I lay in my bed thinking of nothing else.

The biggest surprise this week was that I wrote something new! I sat down to write this blog entry yesterday, but instead I ended up writing a short “episode”. I have wanted to get back to fictional writing for some time now – but I just never did it. I ran into a friend before Pride, who once taught a writing class in which I was enrolled, and I told her how I’d stopped writing. She told me that was a shame because she thought my writing had promise. (No, actually she said it was good.) Ever since that chance meeting, I’ve thought about why I stopped writing and why I should start again. I mean, it must be a good 6 months or longer since I’ve even tried. For no particular reason, I felt compelled to write out a scene yesterday and I went with it. It isn’t very long, but I like it. I think I might even post it here. I’m always talking a good game about my writing but I never put it out there to be judged. So, yes…I’ll post it (look down there!). I welcome your critique.

Come...sit a spell...I want to tell you a story

2008-07-31T19:42:00.005-04:00

OK, dear readers...for better or for worst, here is a sample of my long told of hobby - fictional writing! It is the first thing I've written in ages, so please be kind. I know that it sort of starts and stops without telling all its secrets...but really, I like to think that is part of its charm. I'm hoping that by reading this short 'episode' that it would intrigue you to want to read more. Feel free to leave me a comment...perhaps it will encourage me to share more.

*************************************************************************************

“I don’t even know who you are anymore,” stammers Simon.
Martin barely pauses on the sidewalk as he glances darkly at his friend. “Did you ever stop to think that might not be such a bad thing?”
Simon tries to absorb the situation and finds that his feet have suddenly ceased to function. He is momentarily rooted to the spot in dumbfounded astonishment. He watches Martin continue to stride forward, oblivious to the fact that Simon was no longer following beside him. It seems to suit him as Martin continues down the block without so much as glance toward where his friend ought to be.
A dozen responses race through Simon’s mind before he finds his voice. Simon decides to go with the most obvious one. “Of course that would be a bad thing!”
Martin finally slows and turns to look back over his shoulder. Under the light of the street lamp, Martin’s face looks much older. The shadows fall upon him in such a way that Simon might have hesitated to approach him if he were a mere stranger. In fact, he might have even crossed the street just to avoid him.
“Why?” Even before the word was out of his mouth, Martin already regretted using it.
He quickly holds his hand up to interrupt the torrent of reasons that he was sure Simon was about to unleash upon him. “What I mean is – well, the less you know might be better in some circumstances.”
“Since when do we have circumstances in which the other person wouldn’t know about it?”
Unlike himself, Simon was a master at keeping his emotions in check, but Martin could still detect the hurt in his friend’s eyes. Unfortunately, this time couldn’t be helped.
“Simon,” Martin begins with a weary sigh. “What did you think was going to happen after you and Raven jetted off to France to live happily ever after? Did you think that life back here would just magically remain unaltered? Did you think that time would stop and the people you left behind would just stay the same?”
“Of course not,” Simon says as he pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes briefly. The lateness of the hour falls upon him full force at that moment. “What I did expect, however, was to be able to look my best friend in the eye and know I could trust him.”
“And you don’t?”
“ I…I want too.”
“So what’s stopping you?”

Simon leaves the question unanswered; opting to look into Martin’s unwavering stare instead. Sometimes silence is an answer. Martin flinches first. He breaks the standoff as he reaches into his coat pocket for a cigarette. The red glow of the freshly lit cigarette stands out against the stark black night. Martin takes a slow, purposeful drag to settle his nerves before returning his attention to Simon. He isn’t prepared for the look of shear surprise on his friend’s face.
“Since when do you smoke,” Simon asks in a disapproving tone.
“Could we stick to discussing just one of my bad traits at a time,” Martin snaps back in a tone nastier than he intended.
Simon continues to stare at him as if he were a pod person. “You don’t smoke.”
Martin begins to lose his temper. “Seriously?! This is what you want to bitch me out about,” Martin shouts louder than necessary as he waves the cigarette in his friend’s face. “And here I thought you just wanted to call me an untrustworthy liar.”
Simon doesn’t take the bait. He isn’t going to get into a shouting match with Martin. “You are not acting like the Martin Fichaud that I know,” he states in a simple, calm manner.
“That’s probably because that Martin Fichaud only exists in your head,” Martin spat back. “Simon, you never were very good at seeing a person for who they really are. You just see people as you think they ought to be. Well, some of us mere mortals can’t live up to your expectations.”
“Bullshit! Hide behind whatever excuse you want, but you can’t tell me that I don’t know you. I may very well be the only one who really does.”
Martin couldn’t help but laugh. He must have really hit a nerve to make Simon Gentle actually swear. “I think you have that backwards my friend,” he says as he crushes the cigarette beneath his heel.
“Perhaps,” Simon replies. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m wrong. It doesn’t change the fact that I feel like I’m talking to a complete stranger.”
Martin shakes his head. “I can’t help how you feel.”
“Of course you can,” Simon says exasperated. “You can tell me what is going on.”
And there you have it…the conversation had come full circle. “That isn’t something that I can do. You have a wife and a daughter now. You have a whole new life that you need to concentrate on. For better or for worst, my life went on without you here. I have new responsibilities that I have to consider now. Why can’t I get you to understand that I’m trying to be your friend by not involving you?”
“Because I can help you,” Simon pleads. “Just because I don’t live a cab ride away anymore doesn’t mean I don’t still have influence here.”
“But that’s exactly what I don’t want,” Martin fumes. “I don’t want your fingerprints anywhere near this. I need to know that you and Raven are safe a thousand miles away from this shit hole. I need to know that somewhere, someone is living happily ever after.”
“You are a part of our family, Martin. If it was not for you, we would still be here and I don’t even want to think about what would have happened to Faith had we stayed. So how can you ask me to just walk away and forget you?”
“I don’t know, but that’s exactly what you should do.”
“And that is something that I cannot do. I cannot leave you here, alone. This city has too many evils for one man to carry on his shoulders.”
“You don’t give me enough credit, Simon.”
“And you’ve been known to give yourself too much credit. You cannot hope to win whatever fight you are undertaking alone.”
“Wow! Did you ever think about becoming a motivational speaker? Really…this is doing wonders for my morale,” Martin says with a sarcastic grin which Simon knew well.
“I’m just trying to act as the voice of reason. You know I’m right,” Simon concludes soberly.
Martin places his hand softly on his friend’s shoulder. “Always looking out for me, eh?”
“If not me, then who," Simon replies softly.
“It’s not like I don’t appreciate it,” Martin replies with sincerity. “But I still have to tell you to forget about New York and leave things here to me. I can handle it.”
“And when you get caught in over your head?” Simon asks.
“Why would you assume that would even be an issue?”
“Because we are talking about you,” Simon concludes without a hint of humor in his voice.
“I’m not completely alone here, you know,” Martin replies. “I’ve got…people.”
Simon folds his arms stubbornly. “Everyone we both know you can trust is either dead or hundreds of miles away from the city.”
“So you don’t know these people…it doesn’t mean I don’t trust them.” Martin could see the wheels in his friend’s head spinning – trying to calculate who he might be referring too. It was easy to deduce from the sour look of concentration on Simon’s face that nothing logical was surfacing. “Besides, I always can count on Ben to cover my back without a question,” he adds hoping to ease Simon’s worries.
A look of faint displeasure filters over Simon’s face at Ben’s name, but he says nothing.
“I’m not going to change your mind, am I?”
Martin glances at his watch: 4:20 A.M. “Not tonight.”
Simon faces toward the direction of the hotel once again. He is tired and he is losing this conversation. “This isn’t the last of this discussion, you know?”
Martin looks up into the early morning sky and smiles tiredly. “Of course it isn’t.”
Simon reaches over and lifts the package of Winston’s out of Martin’s coat. “Now about these things…”

I Want to Believe...that there is a better X-Files movie out there!

2008-07-26T14:45:00.002-04:00

Last night my mother took me to see the latest (and hopefully not last) X-Files movie, The X-Files: I Want to Believe. As a hardcore fan, I was very excited about the release of this film. After many years in legal limbo, we were finally going to get a new Mulder & Scully fix!

Unfortunately, I must agree with the lukewarm reviews the film has been receiving. This film is definitely a must-see for fans only. Creator Chris Carter claims this “stand alone” film can be enjoyed by anyone, but if you are not familiar with the series then you will miss out on many enjoyable references to the show’s glory days. There are many Easter Eggs throughout the film for keen observers – a victim’s car has the license plate: Roxwell; and Mulder’s cell phone lists “Gillian” as one of his stored numbers to list two examples.

Carter wanted to make a film which did not deal with The X-Files’ mythology, so I Want to Believe (IWTB) doesn’t have a single extra-terrestrial element…other than one of the new FBI agents mentioning Mulder’s sister’s abduction by “E.T.” I didn't mind this concept in theory - after all some of my favorite episodes were stand alones. However, this film doesn't make the cut. Don’t head into the theatre hoping to get closure on any of the questions that the series left open in its final season. Although there is a very brief discussion between Mulder & Scully about son William, IWTB doesn’t deliver any new information on that topic either. Missing too are familiar faces from the show – like the Lone Gunmen. The film runs on a snail’s pace and never fully develops a villain whom the audience feels threatened by or even scared of frankly.

The good news is that Duchovny and Anderson have no trouble bringing Mulder & Scully back – including their great chemistry which made them so spellbinding. As a fan, I was easily swept up in every moment the two shared on screen. That’s why it’s too bad that they are rarely in the same scene save for a handful of moments. They are both older and their characters have matured with time – but it’s still Mulder & Scully up there and I’d pay to see that anytime.

Warning – if you are a “noromo” X-Files fan (that’s code for ‘No Romance’ over on the X-Files community board), you’ll probably hate this film. Being a “shipper” (as in Relationship supporter between Mulder & Scully) since the first season, I was finally rewarded during this film. SPOLIER ALERT! It turns out that though they are not married, they have been living together for the past six years. You get to see them as a couple finally. She tells him that she loves him and they share many hand holding, kissy-face moments. Swoon!

I really wanted this film to succeed, but I’m not sure it will be the commercial success that 20th Century Fox will want in order to make more X-Files films. There were only about 30 people at the screening we went to last night (and this was opening night!). My mother was very disappointed in the movie. While I wasn’t buzzing with excitement as we left the theatre, I wouldn’t say it was a bad movie. It is worth seeing and fans of the show will leave wanting more. The truth is still out there and I hope, if they get the chance, that they will make the movie everyone was hoping this one would be.

Weird Al...still rocking my world!

2008-07-23T16:36:00.003-04:00

(Part 2 of 2...)

As if that was not enough excitement for one day: an hour after the film let out, we dropped the kids off at Grandma’s house and headed over to the LC to catch Weird Al Yankovic’s concert. We really lucked out. Brian actually won (or to be more accurate; begged the DJ until he gave us) two tickets from 105.7, so the concert was free! Since Brian’s new job is really close by, we even managed to park for free too. Bonus! It didn’t matter though because we were not going to miss seeing Weird Al.

After seeing him at the Ohio State Fair with Jessie last summer, my dormant love for Al has been reclaimed. I can’t say enough good things about him as a musician or as a person. I am one of his close, personal MySpace friends, you know. LOL No really…I listen to his stuff all the time and drive Brian crazy with my Al-obsession. I really wanted Brian to go see him with me this time so he could share in my love. Al didn’t disappoint. The show was great – despite it being an outdoor concert on a slightly too small stage for his production. Once again, my face actually hurt from smiling and laughing so much all night! :o)

Even though this was the same tour that I saw last summer, he switched up the line-up a bit and added a few new numbers which was nice. My favorite addition was “Wanna B Yur Lvr.” He came out dressed up like a pimp, Mac-Daddy in this bright red suit with shiny white shoes and a wild print scarf! The song is basically a ton of really bad pick-up lines and Al sang it with smarmy zeal. He even came down into the reserved seats and sang to a bunch of very lucky ladies. We all ate it up, of course. All I could do was watch from the cheap seats…oh how I wish he could have shaken his money maker at me! LOL

Speaking of his money-maker…I noticed that he seemed to be very self-conscious about his weight. He was always pulling down/smoothing his shirt down over his stomach and butt…a mannerism I know all too well, because I do it myself all the time. While it did look like he might have put on a few extra pounds during his hiatus from touring, I thought he looked just fine. It really made me feel sad though because if there was anywhere he should feel great about himself, it is on stage in front of hundreds of people who adore him. I know that the chances of Al actually reading this blog are like a zillion to one – but just in case: Al, we love you for who you are - just as you are. I guess even celebrities have the same body image worries as us every day folk.

We waited for about an hour after the show hoping to meet him in person, but we didn’t have any luck. I did meet a lot of very scary Weird Al fanatics though…including this one man who wears a pair of heart boxers on his head to every show. Some of these people practically stalk him around the country! (Yes…Weird Al has groupies! LOL) I love the guy…but apparently not like these people do. Freaky! One very nice girl took some great photos of him and promised to send me some – so I’ll share if she delivers.

I did happen to run into a girl I used to game with and she told me that our mutual friend, Julia, is expecting her second baby! That was very surprising news. I’m really happy for her because Julia and Thad are great parents…having one more was certainly in the stars for them. Plus, if this baby is half as cute as their daughter Ari – well, the world should just be so lucky!

So that was my big 12th anniversary. It was perfect for a kooky couple like Brian and I.

Dark Knight...as awesome as you've heard

2008-07-23T16:15:00.004-04:00

Sunday was my 12th Wedding Anniversary...and it was da’ bomb! In one day, I got to see both the new Batman movie AND Weird Al in concert. I was in geek heaven! Mock me if you must – but I couldn’t have asked for a better anniversary. We didn’t bother with cards or gifts; instead we hit the movie, stopped by Hoggy’s BBQ for some killer wings and then headed off to the concert at the LC. Do we know how to romance it up or what? LOL

Even though we really couldn’t afford it, we took the kids to see “The Dark Knight.” (At least we went to a matinee and saved a bunch of money. FYI: Movie’s 10 at Westpoint in Hilliard is the cheapest theatre in Columbus for first-run matinee films at $3.50 a ticket.) Truthfully, I just couldn’t wait one more moment to see it. I mean, I’m one of those freaks who gladly crowd the theatre at midnight to be among the first to see a new movie. I’ve been following the progress of this film since they announced the cast. I can still remember how excited I was while watching the first trailer when it leaked over the internet MONTHS ago! So the fact that I had to wait until Sunday to see it nearly sent me over the edge. Seriously!

The first thing you should know about Dark Knight, is that it lives up to all the hype. It really is as good as you hear…probably better. I wanted to watch it again the moment it ended. At 2 ½ hours in length, I admit that it could have been edited slightly but it isn’t until the last 20 minutes that you even start to notice that you’ve lost all feeling in your ass. Don’t get the large drink…you will not want to miss a moment of the movie to run to the bathroom.

The second thing I feel obligated to say is that Heath Ledger’s portrayal of The Joker is as mesmerizing as you’ve heard. I must admit that I was skeptical. When I initially heard that he had been cast as The Joker, I thought is was a huge mistake. Although I am a fan of some of his films (namely Brokeback Mountain), I also remember some of his not so flattering films (namely A Knight's Tale). I really enjoyed Batman Begins and felt let down by Ledger being cast in such an important role in the sequel. Recently, I was once again skeptical over all this “Oscar” talk for his performance. I figured the praise was coming more from the fact that Ledger had died prior to the film’s release and not from his actual performance. Had he not passed away, I figured there would be no way that the Academy would even look at this film. But I am here to say: I was wrong. Ledger deserves every praise and accolade that they can bestow upon him for his role in The Dark Knight. His performance is so stellar that if you didn’t already know it was him, that you would never guess it. You don’t see Heath Ledger the actor on that screen – you see The Joker. His voice, his mannerisms and posture – it was all seamless perfection. He made The Joker his own creation, without stealing from previous actor’s who also portrayed the character. Ledger was so good that his performance over-shadowed every other character – including Bale’s Batman. It made me grieve anew for the loss Ledger. He certainly left us all a wonderful gift before he left though.

I’m probably biased about my love for Ledger’s Joker, however. The first time I heard him say, “Why so serious?” chills went down my arms! In my own ‘fictional land,’ Benjamin would often say, in his own sing-song way: “So serious…” to Martin. I’ve never been able to shake that sense of de ja vu from my head. I’ve noticed other similarities between Ledger’s Joker and my Ben as well…even though Ben was fleshed-out long before The Dark Knight came around. It makes me miss Benjamin and Marty’s adventures. I really should write again.

I was also impressed with Aaron Eckhart’s performance as Harvey Dent/Two-Face. I’m a fan of Eckhart’s work (especially in Thank You for Smoking) and was interested in what he might bring to the film. He delivers a solid, intriguing performance. It’s almost too bad that they put Two-Face and The Joker in one film because Eckhart’s Two-Face was good enough to be billed as the main adversary to Batman in a separate film. The make-up job on Two-Face was awesome too. My kids hid their eyes every time they showed it – so you know it rocked!

Lost in the wake of two such powerful performances is Christian Bale’s Bruce Wayne/Batman. I really think that Bale makes an excellent Batman (although top honors must go to Michael Keaton), so I was disappointed to see his character(s) take a back seat in this film. At times it felt like Batman was a secondary character in his own film. Bale’s performance of Bruce Wayne wasn’t as much fun this time around and Batman’s voice was a bit too Dirty Harry for me. Even his new bat gadgets and outfit were not that interesting. Also wasted was Maggie Gyllenhaal’s talent. I was disappointed that she wasn’t really given a chance to shine in her rather reserved role. (Maggie made my girl-crush list after seeing her in Secretary…so I was really happy to see her replace Katie Holmes in this film.)

I’d love to hear what you thought of the movie…leave me a comment if you’ve seen it. Also, was I the only one to laugh out loud when L. Fox tells Bruce Wayne that his new body armor would ‘hold up against a cat’? I thought this was a clever (and clearly intentional) wink and nod to a future appearance from Cat Woman. Did you make that connection too? I think the next film would be a good opportunity for them to introduce Cat Woman – although I am skeptical who they could cast in the role. No one will be able to beat Michelle Phiffer‘s Cat Woman in my opinion. She was purrfect! LOL

(Part 1 of 2...)

One Girl Revolution

Inspiration Abounds...

Songbird...

Green Day With the 'American Idiot' Cast, '21 Guns' -- Song Premiere - Spinner

Things that are wrong in this universe...

POP! goes the Decade...

Good Riddance...

Happy Birthday - now remove that stick from your ass!

Good Wife lives up to the hype...

I want those 22 minutes back!

Easy to forget...

The worst in us...

One Girl Revolution Does Not Endorse This Product...

Creamy Equality Goodness in Vermont...

Another Post Secret truth...

To not love this movie...would be illogical!

When you love someone but it goes to waste...

Back to school SNAFU...

Summer winds down...

Wacky Al...

How did I not know about this?

Words to live by...

Turn the page...

How could I forget...

36 Awesome years...

Indecent proposal...

Something that made me smile today...

50 Never Looked So Good!

Life...interrupted

This is offensive to me...

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last for 3 days...

A momentary lapse of reason...

A-ha moment...the Oprah kind not the 80's band:

Funny - but for no real reason...

Strictly for the kiddies...

Kiss-Kiss...Bang-Bang

70 / 30...

The Story of Us...

God's Eye...

This...and that

Attention fellow parents...

A Hip Tip...

Noise Colored Party

Ric Ocasek

March 6–April 25, 2008

Invitation Only Reception: March 6th Gallery Hop: March 7th, 6–10pm

Sometimes simple is better...

Please watch this video...

Working Girl...

Than never....

Better late...

Family Sundays at the Columbus Museum of Art

Warning - Cuteness Overload Ahead...

So why don't I feel better?

Ctrl+Alt+Delete...rebooting America

Just made it in under the wire...

Lazy Saturday...

The day I almost quit...

I spy something the color of white...

You've gotta like a book with the word motherf%#$ in the title...

For Grandma...

Burn Your Life Down...

Fringemas

Oy Vay!

Tit..for tat...

Just because...I like to see his face

Black Friday...when the crazy people roam the streets!

Foster's place for...80's pop stars?!

Counting my blessings...

Stop the H8! Join me on Saturday...

Crazy stuff you see on the internet...

Hey! That's MY letter....

WTF!?

VOTE NO ON PROP 8 (California)

5 More Friends uncensored

Sunday...Sunday...

Incredibly sad...totally preventable!

I thought it was just me...

Topsy Turvy...

Invitation Only Reception: March 6th
Gallery Hop: March 7th, 6–10pm