The saga continues...creation

Where was I? Oh yes, the creation of Martin E. Fichaud…

So what is this “World of Darkness” I am talking about? No, it isn’t some clever nickname about my state of being at the time…it is the setting in which my game occurs. The folks over at White Wolf (WW) gaming set their games in the “World of Darkness.” It is a dark time in the world before the time of the apocalypse. Bad things are happening and everyone can feel the struggle of power going on. By the time you are reading this, the losers at WW have allowed the apocalypse to come (all in the name of the almighty dollar)…which I will never forgive them for. (Curse them and their dimwitted offspring! I refuse to buy their new books. Ha!) For the purposes of my saga though, please assume that we are still living in the times before the end of the world.

In the game we would be playing, our characters were ordinary humans in the beginning. They lived in New York City and had real lives. None of them had any idea that they were actually werewolves and that their fate would not be of their choosing. Since I never seemed to have luck playing female characters (they always ended up dead), I decided I would be playing a male character. Being a huge hockey fan at the time, I decided my guy would be a professional hockey player. I based Martin mainly on Martin Brodeur of the New Jersey Devils (circa 1993-94), but he is also a composite of other goalies I knew or admired at the time. His last name, Fichaud, for example was the last name of a goalie I once saw play in Cincinnati. Marty was from Quebec and though he had a French-Canadian accent, I spared my friends from my very poor imitation of one during the game.

Marty wasn’t a very complicated character during creation, but he evolved to become one major pain in the ass...and I say that with all the love of a proud mama! I hate players who don’t stay true to a character’s core just to make it easy. My character would NOT think it was so fantastic to wake up one day and learn that his old life was over and now he was a werewolf. He worked very hard to get were he was in his “real” life and he would not simply shrug and go, oh well. So he became a ‘reluctant’ Garou (a fancy name for a werewolf). As the books explain, he would need to go on a journey to discover why being a Garou was important and learn how he was needed in his new life. Well, that journey took about 8 years to complete…but people will be glad to learn that he did finally accept things, in his own way.

Since Marty grew up privileged and educated in a large city, it made all the sense in the world that he would become what is known as a Glasswalker. This is a tribal name for those who dwell in the cities. They are special because they embrace technology and feel at home in the city – whereas other Garou do not. They have their own spirit (the Weaver) and this puts them at odds with others. Initially, I also made Marty a Galliard (which is basically a party guy who spreads the stories of battles and heroics)…but I never really thought that fit him. So I eventually changed this to reflect what I felt was a better fit – he became an Ahroun (which means he was a fighter). Much later, as Martin matured as a character, I realized he actually made an excellent Galliard. I learned that being a Galliard could mean more than the simple explanation I gave above…that it could mean being an inspirational leader too. Martin would become that and more.

OK, so by now you are bored. You have fallen victim to the worst trait of all gamers everywhere – it is an incurable disease called: my character means the whole world to me so it must mean the same thing to you! Yes my friends, you have now learned the number one rule of interacting with a gamer – never ask them about their characters, because they will tell you…and tell you…and tell you! LOL Actually though, what I wrote above is a very brief outline of the top things you need to know about Marty to understand his core infrastructure.

When you create a character for Werewolf you must decide:
1.) A name
2.) A concept of who he/she is
a. What are his/her strengths or weaknesses? (Attributes)
b. What skills does he/she possess? (Abilities)
c. What is his/her background?
3.) A concept of what kind of Garou you will become
a. Was the character human before the transformation? (Breed)
b. What is his nature? (Auspice)
c. What group would he/she naturally be a part of/ (Tribe)
d. What special skills will he/she acquire once transformed? (Gifts)

So if you think about it – I was able to explain all that in three paragraphs…see; it really was a brief description! ;o) Actually I am amazed by my ability to keep it so short. LOL

I won’t say too much more about the actual game, except to mention that all the players started out the same way (but in their own unique circumstance) and once we all went through the change (becoming a werewolf) we were forced together to become a pack. We were to fight evil (known in the game as the Wyrm) in the mortal world and in a spirit world (known as the Umbra). We were heroes trying to stop the apocalypse…but a lot of the time was spent trying not to kill each other! That is in essence the game I played off and on for almost a decade – which is a very long time to play a single character/game.

I created Martin who was the anti-hero, a rule breaker and lost soul…Barb created a spiritual, earthy child-like character named Kali, who became Martin’s soul-mate and one true love. I feel like it is important to point out that these characters naturally evolved toward an in-game relationship. It wasn’t predetermined. Barb and I just liked playing in scenes together, and this was a great way for that to happen. Neither of us felt weird about the fact that in reality we were both women while interacting in this game dynamic. In the game (and in my head) I was a guy…I was Martin. I never became confused with pronouns or gender issues.

I can’t say why, but in reality I feel the same way. The little voice inside my head…the alternate me, if you will…always felt masculine to me. Maybe that is why I was a tomboy growing up, although I never felt like I should in reality be male. Inside I just felt traits that are more commonly associated with men. I can’t really be specific without sounding very stereotypical, so I won’t. I just find it easier to identify with male characters in books, plays and movies. As a writer, I find it easier to write for a man too – although they seem to adopt some of my women sensibilities along the way. As an adult, I have met other women who say they feel the same way. These women are all heterosexual and do not identify as transgender…in fact, I don’t believe it is a sexual thing at all. It is an interesting phenomenon.

When I created Martin, my alter-ego finally had a name. As the game went on, he became a very different character than I initially thought he would be. He began to reflect the person I was on the inside…including all my dark scary parts. In the beginning I gave him all the things I wish I could have – power, beauty and money. He was strong and brave. As he matured in the game, I made him more human by giving him some of my flaws –especially insecurity and a primal desire for affection and purpose.

Nothing good ever happened to Martin without a price – just like in my life.

Barb and I agreed that somehow Kali and Martin had become extensions of our real selves. Perhaps it should have not been such a surprise then that Kali and Martin were never that happily-ever-after couple. Their relationship was rocky and painful. All they ever did was hurt one another and long to be able to disappear into the other. They saw the each other as the answer to their problems, but really they were the source of their problems. Kali & Martin would have been so much happier without the other, but neither would walk away.

It is amazing how fiction is often a reflection of real life.

Remember back when I told you how I spent much of my youth living in my own head for my own good? Life isn’t as different as an adult…I just don’t have the luxury of staying in there now. I have grown-up responsibilities and a life to keep chugging along. I’ve spoken to other writers and artistic people, and most will admit to having a whole other world going on inside their heads. That is where their inspiration grows. It is their muse. I can totally relate to that. When your real life is boring, lonely and difficult - who wouldn’t want to escape? That is why there are alcoholics and drug addicts in the world. I felt my choice to stay safe in my own space was a much better alternative, but it can be just as addictive and dangerous.

I blame my first GM, Steve (not the Steve I’m currently gaming with now by the way), for the growing intensity of my obsession with Martin & the game at the time. One Christmas, he gave each of us a personalized mixed-tape of music attuned to our particular character in the game. I was floored at how personal this gift was. He really took the time to find specific songs that would match our character’s lives and personalities. I was hooked! Since then I have created over a dozen tapes and CDs made for certain periods during the game. I adore those tapes. It doesn’t matter how long it has been, I am right back to that moment in the story when I listen to them and I feel safe. I gave them as gifts to Barb, and she drew for me. It was just another seemingly unbreakable link between us.

Back in the real world, things were about to change forever…but that will have to wait until my next entry.