Oy Vay!

I've been a bad blogger. I'm sorry that I haven't been writing as often as I should/could be. While it is true that I have had some sort of flu for over a week now, which has me sleeping as much as possible...and while it is also true that whenever I can muster up the energy, I have been trying to get all my holiday "to do's" crossed-off...but I really should just admit to being a worthless slug.

The holiday season just sucks the life out of me! Meaghan's birthday was back on Dec. 6th. (She turned 12! I can hardly believe it myself.) Having a child with a birthday before Christmas is a financial nightmare. Given the fact that Brian is out of a job made this year even harder. We managed to throw her a nice party at the Dublin indoor pool. She had a decent number of girls show up. I miss her birthdays when she was younger...and every present made her shriek with joy. This year she tore through her gifts - demanding to know the dollar amounts on the gift cards she received - and then turned to me and said: "Where's my Clique DVD?" Snotty little brat!

This past weekend I attended my second son's Holiday Memorial service. Jacob would have turned 10 on Dec. 22nd this year. I know I just bitched about the financial strain of having a December baby...but I'd give anything to have two. :o( The service was nice and we got our annual ornament (a star). It just drains me to go - but I would be more upset if we didn't go. This weekend we will go out and put his little Christmas tree up at his memorial...and put a birthday balloon up too.

Of course I've also been dealing with the usual child of divorce drama that occurs around the holidays. I'm too sick to muster up the energy to tell you all about the big fight my Dad and I had recently. To sum it up: I just found out that his mother (my Grandmother) has breast cancer and she has to have a mastectomy in January. She is in her early 80's. I wasn't told...I just found out by chance. When I asked my Dad why he didn't tell me she was seriously ill and had to have surgery, he told me "not every thing's about you". He called me selfish and told me it wasn't any of my business if Grandma didn't call and tell me herself. To keep this short - I disagreed. I have now blocked him from being able to email me and I told him to lose my phone number. I really hate that man. Did I mention my Grandmother's husband died of cancer (a long time ago) - but near the beginning of the January? So it kind of makes me even more worried. (I did find out that my Dad called my Grandma and told on me - but she took MY side and yelled at him! HA!! Then she called and talked to me about everything.)

If you can stand to hear me whine about one more thing - looks like I'm back to searching those want ads. We haven't been able to meet our quotas (due to a lot of factors) and that means come Jan. 1 my boss will only be able to pay me for the number of policies we close in the previous month. Right now that is 10. So I will only get to work 10 hours each week in January. That's crazy! I cannot make it on that. I'm not happy that he will not allow me to work a minimum of 20 (which is what we agreed upon when I was hired, and which would be just enough to allow me to stay there). We are in a huge hole though and all signs point to us being closed down as an office on March 31st anyway. I knew it was a possibility when I took the job...but a lot of things changed over the course of my employment: I found out that the owner (my boss) had no experience being a sales agent, the other agent was brand new and had never been trained on the Allstate system, the third agent never showed up and was never replaced and then I was basically turned into a telemarketer. It has been a stressful and unpleasant situation for weeks now - but I really need this paycheck, so I keep going in. I'm not sure what will happen come Jan. 1st. To be honest...I'm scared.

So - maybe you can see why I haven't written. It hasn't been a stellar month or so for me, and I hate to write when I am in such a dark funk. I'm still trying to stay positive and despite it all I think we will have a pretty decent holiday. I will worry about the New Year when it gets here.

Hope your days have been brighter...

P.S. I forgot to mention a big milestone here in our home...Sunday Meg shaved her legs for the very first time! LOL Where'd my baby go?