Me versus the Founder of Act Up!

On March 20th, iconic gay activist and founder of the protest group Act Up, Larry Kramer wrote an open letter to straight Americans for publication in the Los Angeles Times. The title revealed everything: “Why do you hate gay people so much?” Kramer goes on to say “You may say that you don’t hate us, but the people you vote for do, so what’s the difference?” He writes, “Our own country’s democratic process declares us to be unequal. Which means, in a democracy, that our enemy is you. You treat us like crumbs. You hate us. And, sadly, we let you.”

Let me be completely honest: this letter pissed me off before I could even get through the first paragraph. Kramer does not allow for the existence of a growing population of straight Americans who are as equally disgusted by the unequal treatment of the LGBT community in our country, me included, and who are actively trying to do something about it. Nor does he take into account that by nature most humans, regardless of sexual orientation, are so self-absorbed that they barely acknowledge life’s cruel inequalities unless it directly impacts them – which is hardly a good excuse but the truth nonetheless. Instead, we straights are lumped together as a single hate filled unit in which Kramer seems to blame every negative thing that happens to LGBT identifying people from cradle to the grave. Kramer gives Jesus Christ a run for his money on martyrdom in this letter. I expected more from the founder of Act Up; instead as Kramer moves into the winter of life it seems that he has decided to claim the role of victim.

If I have learned anything from the past several years as a straight activist for the LGBT community, it is that hating a person based solely on their sexual orientation or expression is wrong. People should only be judged on who they are as individuals and not viewed as simple stereotypes. That goes both ways Mr. Kramer.

To be fair, Kramer’s rant is not without truth. LGBT individuals face unfair attacks on their personal lives in this country. They are denied the same basic rights and protections that their counterparts in the heterosexual community take for granted. Indeed, some straight Americans do hate gays and are doing everything they can to limit equality for them. These people are extremist however and do not make up the bulk of the population. Fellow straight ally John Marzluf, who also read Kramer’s letter, made some keen observations: “I think Larry Kramer makes some very relevant points and perhaps he is even ‘right on’ with many of his observations. However, I disagree with his basic claim that straight people HATE gays. I think most straight people just don’t understand gay people. The average straight person, who is not brain-washed by religious intolerance, simply reasons in their own mind that ‘gay’ is 180 degrees away from their own personal identity. This ignorance is not hate. Most straight people short change gay people by simply looking at them as sexual beings, yet if they were reduced to a sexual existence they would feel greatly misunderstood. We must all realize that as individuals we are all multi-faceted people (gay and straight alike) with sexuality being just one small part of our selves.”

I found it interesting that no where in his two-paged letter does Kramer reference the damage done to the LGBT community by closeted gay people. Where is his outrage for the gay politicians and clergy who are crushing their fellow gays in an attempt to hide their own true sexuality? I suppose that this could be blamed on internal homophobia from living in a heterosexist environment…but shouldn’t these people be branded as enemies of the community along with people like Ann Coulter and Ken Blackwell?

Additionally, Kramer’s letter shocked me with its persistence in creating a world in which LGBT individuals were not a part of American society. I’m sure that it can feel that way, particularly on the heels of 2004 election, but in reality it simply isn’t true. Kramer writes, “Your top general just called us immoral.” He’s not just my top general; he is every American’s top general. Kramer’s insistence that straights vote in gay-hating politicians as proof of our hatred is plain ridiculous. Does Kramer really think that we straight voters get a different ballot when we vote? That there are gay-friendly candidates available to vote for but we choose not too? Sorry to say that straight voters have the same lame candidates to choose from as the LGBT voters.

The best any American can do at this point is vote for the lesser of two evils in many cases. As for myself, I research each candidate on their records regarding issues that are important to me (like supporting LGBT rights) and check out which candidates gay rights organizations are supporting before I hit the “vote” button. I’m sure that my LGBT friends use the same method, despite Kramer’s poor advice that gays should not vote at all. “To vote for them (candidates) is to collude with them in their utter distain for us.” I was raised believing that when you choose not to vote, then you give up your right to bitch about the results! Perhaps Kramer would be better served ranting about the apathetic attitudes of many in the LGBT community and the general lack of motivation to advocate upon their own behalf for a better life.

Speaking of gay (and gay-friendly) candidates…where are they? Despite a February Gallup poll which concluded that 55% of its respondents would feel comfortable voting for a homosexual presidential candidate, the last time I looked there were none. I’ve been encouraged, however, to see more openly gay candidates running for local and state offices in Ohio – and you can bet I vote for them when I can. If you want a success story look no further than my friend Mary Jo Hudson. Still, this trickle of brave souls who choose to run a campaign as an “out candidate” is still not the norm. All fair-minded Americans need to support these candidates to encourage others to run a LGBT supportive ticket as well. It has to start somewhere.

Sadly, as Kramer has aged he has turned into a bitter, defeated person who spends his energy and influence in the wrong way. He writes, “I am almost 72, and I have been hated all my life, and I don’t see much change coming.” I feel empathy for Kramer. I’ve felt like he has, but I’ve chosen to try anyway. Maybe at 72 I’ll be in his shoes…but I hope not. I feel hope is springing all around us. I feel encouragement reading the newest poll recently released by Equality Ohio that 91% of those polled supported hospital visitation rights for same-sex couples. I see a better future every time I meet with high school GSA members who have so much passion and intelligence for the cause and are untainted by previous generation’s hang-ups. I feel renewed hope every time I meet a new ally.

My worst fear regarding Kramer’s letter is that somewhere a potential straight ally might be turned off by his anger and obvious disdain for heterosexuals. It certainly makes my job as the founder of a straight ally organization a bit tougher. I also fear that impressionable LGBT people will read this pioneer’s words and see them as the way to live their lives. For the record Mr. Kramer, my family and I do not hate you or any of your LGBT brothers and sisters. Despite your resistance in believing that a change is coming, I am here to tell you that the change is already happening! I am part of it and I plan on continuing to work toward full equality for all Americans with or without your support.

You can read Larry Kramer’s letter by visiting the following link:
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-kramer20mar20,1,6605635.story