What's a straight advocate to do?

See this picture? This is how I feel today! I'm so incredibly fed up with all the politics that I have to put up with just trying to be a good citizen. What am I rambling on about? Good question...

I'm talking about having to cancel my participation in Seven Straight Night for Equal Rights. (7SN) I started working on this project way back in April of this year. I agreed - reluctantly - to serve as the state of Ohio's Lead Family. When I did this, I was promised that I would receive help from day one by Equality Ohio (EO) and I assumed local ally activists would be helping too. This was a huge deal to me. I have been begging groups from Stonewall Columbus to EO to host such a thing in our city - without success. We must bring to light the fact that many, many straight people do not fall into the extreme right category of bigots and homophobes. Allies are crucial to the success of GLBT equality rights...they must give money, votes and a voice to fair treatment of all citizens. This important demographic, however, is not tops on anyone's lists in this state - which is why I started SpeakOUT.

I'm happy to report that SpeakOUT is having its best year ever! Our webpage is alive and running, attendance to our meetings is steady and growing, we are adding more and more people to our e-list and we have a full fall schedule! In fact, we just agreed to co-sponsor an LGBT candidate event in October. The best news is I finally have the interest I need from our members to begin the long 501c3 process for real. Our group is growing and vital!

Why then has the LGBT groups in this town suddenly decided that allies aren't important anymore? The new ED of Stonewall told me to my face that allies don't belong in a "gay community center". The board obviously backs her up on this too! Now EO has shown their true colors against allies by backing out of their commitment to 7SN. (The EO board is "disappointed in their allies" because PFLAG National and Soul Force are fueding over similar events during the same time frame.) EO told me in July that they didn't have the resources or time to help plan the event any longer - effectively dumping it right into my lap. When I reproached them for not reaching out to other LGBT groups around the state to help, I was told that a straight person should be doing the planning without intervention from LGBT groups, otherwise it would be seen as a "gay event". Well, hello! It IS a gay event, regardless of who is speaking or who planned it. Aren't we talking about gay equality? In every other state that is doing this, LGBT organizations are at the forefront in planning the activities. EO is just spewing excuse after excuse...but it boils down to the fact that they don't want to put out any money or time to promote allies.

I'm sick of this. I'm working my ass off - and have been for 4 years - for virtually no pay to help LGBT people get the same rights I enjoy as a straight person. It's like a kick to the balls now to have these organizations basically turn their backs on me. I'm worn out and just plain tired of the crap. It's no wonder that so many people burn out and fade away in the volunteer circles of Columbus.

So...after nearly developing an ulcer and anxiety attacks again trying to plan this state event alone, I had to remove myself from the project. Of course Soul Force is (literally) begging me to reconsider and EO didn't even have the basic good manners to reply to my email. I feel like I'm in the Godfather...getting sucked back in!

How did it ever get this complicated? How have I let my life run so completely beyond my control? Why do I have to be a bitch just to get people to respect my boundaries? I wish life were easier.

For the record: I still believe in what I'm doing. LGBT people are being treated like crap in this country and it is going to take all of us to raise up our voices to make a real change.

And for the other record: I'm still committed to helping - Martin & Ben deserve to be happy together - without exceptions. (Those of you brave enough to wade through my "saga posts" know what I am ranting on about there...)

Send me peaceful waves my dear readers...and the strength to rise above this petty bullshit!

The BBC America show you should be obsessed with like me: Jekyll (Saturdays at 9PM) starring the brilliant James Nesbitt. His "Hyde" kicks ass!

The song I can't stop listening to: "Dear Mr. President" on Pink's new album "I'm Not Dead". Click here to watch the video.