It's not you...it's me!

Recently I have come upon a self-realization: although I mean well, I often try to "help" people when perhaps they do not want to be helped. As a friend though, are we not supposed to want to shield our loved-ones from certain misery? Are we not supposed to care when we see them walking straight toward a cliff? I've always thought a good friend would do these things, but I'm learning the real answer may be:

Maybe not...

I don't know what it is, maybe I'm just getting too damned old or something, but I find myself becoming annoyed when other people act irresponisble in their lives. Recently I found myself annoyed at a friend because she decided to stay out of town longer than she intended, which resulted in her pet being left at home for a very long amount of time without a way to go to the bathroom. I was only involved in this scenario because she had asked me to watch her pet while she was away - but one night away turned into three. Apparently she had a fantastic time and found leaving difficult - knowing what a crap week she had prior to this trip, I would normally be happy for her - but her choice to not return home when she promised, meant that she would not be home in time to let her pet out herself that evening. This really ticked me off. I felt responsible for not letting her pet out...had she just been honest with me about when she was going to arrive home, this wouldn't have been an issue (other than another unplanned trip across town for me). Yet I would have preferred that scenario over being worried about her pet all that time.

When I called to check up on her (because I hadn't heard a word from her on whether she was indeed home or not) I got snapped at because she felt like I was "yelling at her." I didn't think my tone was hostile or raised - I was simply trying to make sure she got home safely and that I didn't need to worry about her pet. Is this the thanks I get for being a good friend? Maybe I was treating her with disrespect by "checking up" on her...maybe I should have not called. All I know is that she hasn't written or called me all week since that incident. I feel like we are fighting and I don't even know why!

I've also found myself to be overly critical of another friend who is going through a divorce. I have been in her situation (more or less) and I felt the urgent need to warn her about her (poor) choices lately. Why did I do that? She didn't ask me for my opinions - in fact, had she not allowed me to read her online diary, I wouldn't even know about those choices. So did I break her trust by voicing my opinions about what I read in her diary - or did I react appropriately? Afterall - no one writes a blog or online journal if they don't want someone to read and interact to what is written. To her credit, she didn't get mad at my meddling comments. But the whole situation got me to thinking that the person with the problem is me - not her. This is her life, and even if it turns out that I'm right, it is still her choice to make those mistakes. So why do I still feel the need to curb my impluse to "set her on the right path"? Frankly, I am just worried about her.

I've done this in most every friendship I've ever had...which is probably why I don't have a ton of friends. Yet, I am always the "go to" person when my friends need to vent or if they have a problem. I'm a "fixer"...but I'm also the kind of person who gets frustrated when my advice isn't followed and that person keeps coming to me with the same problems. That isn't a good mix. I just get so worked up in my friend's problems. I want to make it better for them - but only they can do that for themselves. Truthfully, I could use a "fixer" for my own life.

Maybe I just need to focus on my own problems and keep my trap shut!