What the hell? So sad...

I was completely shocked to learn about Heath Ledger's death yesterday. I can't say that I was his biggest fan, but I enjoyed his movies. I was/am particularly looking forward to his role as a "darker version" of The Joker in the upcoming Dark Knight film. (I get chills every time I see the clip of him/the Joker saying: "Why so serious?") His Oscar-worthy role in Brokeback Mountain is probably the one I'll always associate him with, however. He did steal a piece of my heart in that one...I mean, who didn't cry like a baby at the end of that film?!

Still, I am surprised how upset I am over his death. It just seems like such a waste to me. He was only 28. His daughter Matilda is only 2...she'll never know her father. The latest scoop is that his autopsy proved inconclusive - so now I guess there will forever be lingering questions whether his death was a suicide or an accident. The press is already dredging up stories of a sad, tragic childhood. They are pulling out rumors of alleged sleeping problems/prescription pill abuse and lingering depression gems. They are running around the Sundance Film Festival getting people's "reactions" about the news. What the hell do you think the reactions will be like? Really, the whole thing makes me sick. It is such a circus. I felt so bad for his family when they brought his body out of his apartment. There must have been 200 photographers there. No respect or privacy - even in death.

The whole thing reminds me of when River Phoenix died...of course he was even younger. It is sad to see what Hollywood can do to a person. I wouldn't want to be a movie star for anything. You can't even put gas in your car without someone getting in your face or stalking you from across the street. Fame comes with a price, but should it cost you your life? Look at Britney Spears! Jesus...what a train wreck! Yet, I do feel sorry for her at times. Can you imagine living in her life for even a day? 20 people with cameras in your face the moment you dare leave your home? Dozens of idiots pushed up against your car - you can't leave and you can't get out. Then when you do leave, they chase you through the streets! There is never a moment of solitude or peace in her life. No thanks! It is hardly surprising that living under that much pressure and scrutiny has affected her mentally. Paparazzi needs to be outlawed...I think we can all live without seeing Cameron Diaz buying a latte! Don't you?

As for Heath - I want to remember him in happier times. I want to erase the image of his foot flopping up and down under that body bag as they rolled his body over a curb and into the van. I wish for his friends and family a moment of peace.

See you in a better place, cowboy.