Happy Birthday - now remove that stick from your ass!

Tomorrow is my husband's birthday. He hates that it is his birthday...and therefore I hate him. (My logic teacher would be so happy!) For the past 13 years I have tried and failed to make Brian's birthday special for him. Doing so is pretty hard since he never tells you what he wants, shrugs over the gifts he is given, has no friends to celebrate with and he can't stand his relatives. He is a total grouch and just makes me miserable.

But I try - I get him nice things and put thought into it. I take him to a nice restaurants. I try. He does not care though. I might as well be trying to set him on fire instead. He just sits there - sour, ungrateful and makes me feel worst. Couldn't he just pretend to thankful for my sake?

Tonight we took him to Bucca di Beppo and had them bring him a special cupcake after dinner. They didn't sing to him though - unlike at other tables - and I was a bit upset about that, but I could tell he was relieved. Then I took him to the Container Store because the single thing he did ask for were plastic containers to hold our cereal (because he hates that the kids don't close the boxes up)...and guess what, we left without buying them. Too expensive...the holes were not the right size...blah.

I talked him into walking through a small section at Easton that was all lit up for Christmas (which I love and he hates). We ended up at Godiva and I wanted to buy him a special piece of chocolate for a birthday treat...he wanted nothing to do with it. So I picked something and the kids wanted to look at the fountain because it was all lit up. So they ran about and we were alone, under the stars and twinkling lights. The fountain looked beautiful. I put my arm around him and said something about it being romantic...to which he grumbled something snarly about the kids.

Damn it! Why can't he allow me treat him nicely? What I am supposed to do? Ignore him. Tell him to fuck off?!

The worst part is that my birthday is next month. He - a hater of birthdays - really doesn't care to make any special occasion of my special day. I WANT to have attention lavished upon me. I WANT nice gifts and a fuss. I'm married to the anti-Martha Stewart, so for years I just suffer through his "attempts". This year I sent him an email about how the nation tour for Star Wars in concert was coming to town. I wrote "hint, hint...what a nice gift for a birthday or Christmas". Instead of surprising me, this morning he just blurts out "So how many tickets are you expecting me to buy for that thing." What?! I was crushed. Why can't he sweep me off to a nice birthday dinner and give me the tickets? I may as well have just bought them myself and saved him the energy of having to think at all. I ended up telling him to just buy one. He will. He is an ass.

I hate being a husband basher...I don't want to be that woman...but I can hardly stand to be around Brian anymore. He is so down and negative every moment of the day. We don't talk. We occupy space in a house together - but we are not together in a home, if you know the difference. Sex? What is that? I tickled him with a feather duster at the Container Store and cooed at him with a French accent - he just rolled his eyes and wandered into the next aisle. I point blank asked him when he wanted to get lucky this birthday weekend - he ignored me and flipped the channel on TV. Where's the remote to this marriage? I want a different channel!

This life I'm living is toxic.