Happy Holidays...bah! Hum bug!

Christmas has come and gone. I hope yours was merry. Mine was the usual drama – and then some. It all started about a week back when for the first time in eight years we missed the annual holiday memorial for our son Jacob. In 1998, we lost Jacob a few days into the second trimester. The cause was a partial molar pregnancy. He would have been born on December 22nd… a Christmas baby. Each year the grief/support group I went too shortly after losing Jacob holds a holiday gathering. It is always the third Thursday of December. This year it was on a Tuesday but we didn’t know and missed it. I was so upset. It is my one time to celebrate openly the little life that should have been. I get to speak his name and see it on the Christmas tree. Unless you’ve lost a child you cannot know how important a simple thing like saying his name is. No one talks about Jacob. No one remembers his due date. I do…and I alone carry that burden. Brian has his own way of dealing with things – it doesn’t include remembering such things like a due date. Jacob should have turned 8 last week. It is hard to look at my son Brandon and not see him too.

As usual we had way too little money to be able to give gifts to as many people as we had hoped too. We were unable to exchange gifts with most people. It always makes me so uncomfortable when we see relatives and they heap presents on our kids and we have nothing for theirs. I used to always pride myself in giving great gifts to all my kid cousins – I bet they wonder why I stopped. Can they really understand the concept of working poor? We received some help from a charity that my son’s school has – so my kids had a nice Christmas. It’s becoming the norm that Brian and I get little for ourselves. I guess that is the way it ought to be. My mom helped us out – again – and we were able to get a bit more for each other. I’m starting to hate this holiday, which used to be my favorite. Reality bites!

This year I was really stupid. I thought that I should attempt to visit my father’s side of the family for Christmas. I hadn’t gone to a family function for almost 2 years – ever since my Dad moved in with his internet-whore. She was there – like I knew she would be. I thought I could do it – just show up and be OK, even though I had never met the woman. Well, it took a Xanax and a 15 minute mantra of “You can do this!” as we drove to my grandmother’s house, but I did do it. I walked in and there she was right in my face the second I was in the house. (She was sitting in front of the door.)

I tried. I really did. I just couldn’t be pleasant. I couldn’t pretend she was just some random stranger and be polite, which was my plan. I could feel her staring at me as I tried not to look in her direction. I wanted to go all WWF on her ass. I wanted to grab her by her drab brown scraggly hair and drag her onto the lawn for a first class Westside brawl. It was the most uncomfortable 45 minutes of my life. My father introduced us in front of everyone!! I swear I felt like I was on Springer. I spat out “Nice to meet you,” but unless the girl was a total idiot I’m sure she picked up on the fact that it came out like “Fuck you ugly cunt!” Sorry about dropping the “c” word, but this is the rare case I feel it is appropriate. I didn’t say another word to her and she stayed hiding behind my father’s chair. She never uttered a word to me…which means she has more brains than I gave her credit for. At least I can say I tried – which is more than they did. I also know now that it will never happen again.

Yesterday the gas got shut off and we froze half to death last night. We are all bundled up with blankets as we wait for the tech to show up and turn it back on. We had to spend some of the Christmas money we received from relatives to pay the bill. It is more important (obviously) to have heat than new underwear and bras, which is what I was going to buy with some of the money.

Honestly, it has just been a crappy day. I woke up at 8AM to the phone ringing. It was a bill collector. At 9AM another collector called. Yesterday my mail box was filled with a colorful variety of notices – all of impending doom. I have no idea how to get out of this hole. It gets deeper each day. Why can’t we get a do-over? Wouldn’t that be nice?

I did get to spend some time with a friend here and there over the holiday – which was very nice. Brian got me the few things I really wanted – Grey’s Anatomy Soundtrack (Vol.2) which I’m listening too now, a soft grey sweater from Macys and a pretty bracelet from Mars Creations (a cute “family” owned store in German Village). My Mom got me some cozy pajamas and desperately needed socks. So really, I am happy in that sense.

So now I’m facing down the last few days of this lousy year. Good riddance! I’m looking forward to a clean slate I beg the Gods and whoever else to bring me a much brighter, healthier and happier 2007. I was thinking again about moving away from this messy hell hole…Oregon looks better every day (even with all their recent weather issues). We will see…

Talk to you all again soon. Happy New Year!

Weirdest Place for positive salutation: On the paper liner of my maxi-pad! Santa dropped my “Aunt Flo” in for a visit, and while doing my business I look down at the liner paper of my Always brand maxi-pad and written on it is: “Have a happy period!” Am I the only one a little bit freaked out by that? LOL

Tres Bizarre....

I just watched the most bizarre and annoying movie possibly ever made – I Huckabees. It was like a car accident…I couldn’t seem to tear myself away even though what I was watching was not appealing to me in the least. The film had a huge ensemble cast and had lots of good “indie” buzz surrounding it, but I should have known it was going to be bad when Jude Law was a) in it b) and without a British accent. OK – so I don’t hate Jude Law, but as a rule most of his films are lacking that certain something which makes them stand out. He was pretty good in Closer, but now I am getting off my point; which is how bad I Huckabees was.

I’m not sure what I thought the film was about when I picked it up at the library, but what it is actually about is, well, nothing. Not really nothing – but how we are nothing in the long view of the world. The film tries to explain how we are all connected in the drama and cruelty of life and ultimately we have no meaning…or do we? It goes on to suggest that while you might be able to have a moment of clarity in your life, it is basically for nothing because you will eventually get pulled back into the life cycle of drama. Confused yet? Or maybe you are like me, and you just don’t care about some former psych major turned film-school geek’s philosophy on life.

The film is bizarre. Without notice people’s faces will start breaking up into little boxes and start floating around the screen. I no longer need to try acid, watching this film is close enough to the real thing. There are some amusing moments though – like when two of the main characters hit each other in the face with one of those large pink “punch balloons” as part of their search for the meaning of life. Surprisingly, watching two grown men hit each other in the face with a huge balloon is very entertaining to watch. Another memorable scene is when the main character makes out with his “teacher” in a marshy wetland that he is trying to save – he actually starts rubbing mucky dirt all over her and they take turns smashing each other’s face into the black puddle of goo before making out. Again, it was disgustingly addictive to watch.

Speaking of bizarre, last night Brian told me that it looks like Miss USA will be stripped of her crown for bar hopping & bringing home men. Even though it hasn’t happened yet, the current Miss USA was seen moving out of Trump Tower. Apparently all the crowned beauties live there for a year after they win their pageants! Miss USA, Miss Universe and Miss Teen USA all live there like some weird super beauty tribunal. I had no idea! Doesn’t that strike you as bizarre?! If this isn’t the perfect set-up for a Fox (or CW) sitcom, I don’t know what is. How can it be that in our “reality” show obsessed era that there is no “Tower of Beauties” on some channel yet? ;o)

I finally finished all my Christmas cards! I even wrapped all the gifts that had previously been hiding around the house. Last night I actually went out shopping…I finally feel like I am making some ground this holiday season. Doesn’t it feel like it has been the holiday season forever? I’ll be glad to see Monday come & go!

Well, hubby is home and that means I need to go to the post office & get to the grocery store. I promise to update the saga SOON!

Jon Stewart - Man of my dreams...

(I wrote this on Wednesday)

I saw the funniest thing the other night. I was up late Tuesday night, folding towels and eating waffles, when I flipped over to a cable-sanitized Sex in the City rerun. Miranda had sworn off dating/sex and was instead indulging in chocolate éclairs and Jon Stewart as a substitute. I had to laugh. You see, Jon Stewart has frequently popped up in my own “adult-only” dreams – and to quote George Clooney, he’s a ‘bobcat in the sack’! LMAO

Rationally, I think the main reason that Jon often gets top billing in my dreams is that The Daily Show is most often the last thing I watch before climbing into bed. Plus I think his witty intelligence and wicked sense of humor is damn sexy! Also, I’ve always been a sucker for a nicely dressed man. Let’s face it – Jon’s a silver-haired stone-cold fox! Meow! ;o) Anyhow, I was just glad to find out that I wasn’t the only girl out in the world who has been wooed by Jon.

Speaking of Jon Stewart – if anyone out there in cyber-land can tell me why he doesn’t wear a wedding ring, I’ll be forever grateful. It just bugs the crap out of me. Is it a Jewish thing? I was reading how it bugs people that David Letterman always wears white socks (even with his suits), well this is my weird thing. I’ve noticed that even when Jon appears elsewhere (like the Oscars), he doesn’t wear one. Maybe it is a superstition - comedians are weird like that.

I’m home with the boy today. Brandon came home from school early yesterday with an ear ache. We broke down and paid the $20 co-pay to take him to the doctor. Turns out he has a sinus and ear infection. Thank God for Giant Eagle’s “FREE” antibiotics campaign. They saved me $10 for his medicine. He is feeling much better today – after 3 doses of the antibiotics. He has been watching Toy Story 2 all day. Then he went down to the basement and pulled out all his Toy Story figurines. He has been playing with them quietly in his room for almost an hour – it’s a miracle! :o) He wants to go take a walk, so I’ll have to keep this post a bit short so we can go out and enjoy the unseasonably warm weather.

I found out yesterday that my group, SpeakOUT, will start off our 2007 Campus Tour for Equality in style! OSU is hosting our first stop and they told me that we will have our panel discussion and then show the 2004 documentary, Tying the Knot, at the Wexner Center. Excellent location! I’m very pleased. Maybe some of you can make it out – it is free! All we are asking for is a donation of a canned good or toiletry item for the Columbus AIDS Task Force’s Project Open Hand (which provides food and so forth to community members with HIV/AIDS who need extra help). The presentation/movie is on Tuesday, Jan. 16th at 8PM @ Mershon Auditorium.

Saturday is Meg’s swimming party and then Sunday we are having dinner with our SpeakOUT members for a little holiday gathering. Lots to do! I can’t believe that I have only barely started my Christmas shopping. At least most of my cards are mailed – I got out the family cards and now I’m working on friends. So much to do…

Well, Brandon is getting anxious to go outside. I’d better get his coat on and take him for his walk. I’ll post a new saga update soon.

The Saga Takes A Detour...

The saga continues! Let’s take a short, but important detour…

Try as I might, I cannot make time stand still. Life just keeps moving along whether you want it too or not. As I lost myself in my new circle of friends and in the game, the rest of my life was still going on as well. I worked and even went to classes. I was also very “into” hanging out with my non-gamer friends (Laurie, Regina & Beckie) at Chill hockey games. It is probably no surprise to hear me admit that I never do something half-way. I just jump in waist deep and keep on diving. It’s 100% or nothing. Some call it a flaw in my personality – but others seem to enjoy that part of me. Love me or hate me, I guess.

I’m opening up the piece of my life known as the “hockey years” (1993-96) so you will be able to have a complete picture of who I am. My mother will call this my “slut phase” or something equally insulting. You see not only was I an avid hockey fan, but I also became very interested in one hockey player in particular – Sergei, who was our team’s goalie. Born in the Ukraine, he was six feet of drool worthy perfection in my eyes. I sat glued to my very cold seat, watching him play in as many games as I could attend. In fact, that is how I met Laurie & Regina! I was on a bus trip to Erie, PA to see the team play on the road for the first time. When we stopped over in Wheeling, WV for a game, I met this dynamic duo. They had an odd, quirky sense of humor and were fun to hang out with – my kind of people. It is hard not to see them as a united and inseparable pair. I often felt like the third wheel in our growing friendship, but that is probably only natural since they had been friends for a long time prior to meeting me. Even though we didn’t have an immediate bond, it was one that would last many years.

Back to Sergei (see above) - I was so madly in love with him that it was embarrassing. Despite my sexual experiences following my divorce, I was still rather naive. Maybe it was because I actually liked this guy for real (and wanted him to like me back), but just trying to get the courage to speak to Sergei after a game would leave me blushing and sputtering like a teenager. Regina knew how to speak Russian and she “helped” me memorize a few choice lines to say to him. I later learned (in rather embarrassing fashion) that what she was teaching me to say was far from what I thought I was saying. I’m sure Regina thought this was wickedly funny, but I trusted her and I have to wonder if I could have had a better chance with Sergei had I not started out my attempts at a relationship with him offering to jump in bed with him.

I did get the guy in this story though...Sergei finally called me when the season ended. We actually engaged in a brief “fling” the following season when he was playing for a new team in South Carolina. I would travel to see him when his team was on the road. It was a relationship that was based mainly on sex, although for a brief glorious time it was more than that. He would actually call me from South Carolina and in one perfect shinning moment after a game in Huntington, WV, he came out of the locker room and put his arm around me in front of everyone to see! I thought my heart would burst out of my chest in happiness and pride. Alas, I was young and stupid. I acted too much like an adoring fan and he quickly lost interest in more than a booty call when it came to me.

My time with Sergei was not a complete loss however. Landing Sergei gave me sexual confidence that I never knew existed. I figured that if I could get a guy like Sergei, then I should be able to get most any guy I wanted. I stopped wearing jeans and jerseys to games and wore short skirts instead. Yes, a ‘hockey ho’ had been born! I hung out in the tunnel near the locker rooms after the games and partied at the clubs they often went too. I drank way too much and spent far too much money going to bars and games. The boost to my confidence and ego though made it worth while to me.

Of course there were lots of others girls doing the same thing that I was. (I could tell you some really interesting tales about that!) Yet, I never really felt like I fell into that class of ‘available ladies.’ Those girls would sleep with anyone who asked as long as they were on the team. It didn’t matter who they were or even if they were married. I had higher standards. Despite what my mother would have you think, I only accepted a few offers during my hockey-wild-child stage. What set me apart from those other ladies was that I was only interested in one player at a time. He was always a goalie and I always knew him personally for a decent amount of time before I went home with him. Also, I never accepted offers from married guys. I could have had a lot more notches on my bedpost if it were not for these rules – but I stuck to them faithfully.

Mostly, I had a good time during this stage in my life. To be honest, I felt like I deserved to have this time of careless fun after everything I had been through. When I got sick of the Chill, I started hanging out with the away team and their players. I didn’t get all the guys I wanted, but I was able to land some that even I felt were out of my league. I also met some really great people along the way and got a little high whenever one would nod to me from the ice. You should see all the goalie sticks and pucks I have! ;o)

During this time, I became less shy and more assertive. If I wanted something – I went after it at full speed. It was all very unlike me, but it was a change I was glad to see. I was tired of being meek and letting people walk all over me. I was tired of being that quiet girl in the corner…I wanted to stand out and be noticed! Gone forever was that blushing, sputtering child. (Well, except for the time I met Marty Brodeur in the stairwell of a hotel in Pittsburgh - but that shouldn’t count because he was God-like in his beauty, talent, charm and presence. What a man!) I admit that there were probably better ways for this change to occur, and Lord knows I made a fool out of myself more than once, but this is the way it happened and I am not ashamed of it.

I have no idea what my friends thought of me during this time frame. I brought Barb to a few games, and she of course heard about my victories and failures, but she mainly remained silent about my conquests. I think this is because I never ‘dated’ these players – they stayed neatly inside their compartment of my life and didn’t spill over into my life with her and the game. She remained relatively single while all of this was happening – give or take a gamer guy here or there. She wasn’t really the girlfriend type in my mind, and frankly it felt weird whenever she would hook up with someone. I admit to being glad that those times were very infrequent.

As for my other friends, I was too obsessed in my own life to really take notice if they approved of my behavior or not. Sometimes I felt like they were jealous of my successes, because they obviously had their own crushes too but without the same outcomes. Then again, they were not willing to take the same chances I was so they didn’t have to deal with the pain of being turned away either. Other times, they probably thought I was out of control and worried about me.

Despite my new confidence and bolder ego, inside I was still the same insecure, lonely person I was before. I wanted much more from these guys than they were willing to give me. I wanted a lasting relationship. I wanted to be special. I was never these things to these people…and I was never able to fool myself into believing otherwise. I was so tired of being nothing more than a few hours of fun and companionship. It was eating me up on the inside. Somewhere along the ride, it had stopped being fun.

In the fall of 1995, I decided that I needed to make a change and that is when I met Brian…and as fate would have it, he was looking for a change too. I didn’t know it then, but I had finally met the one person who would not stay neatly bottled up in his little compartment in my life.

Being with Brian was about to bring all my worlds crashing into one another...

The saga continues...creation

Where was I? Oh yes, the creation of Martin E. Fichaud…

So what is this “World of Darkness” I am talking about? No, it isn’t some clever nickname about my state of being at the time…it is the setting in which my game occurs. The folks over at White Wolf (WW) gaming set their games in the “World of Darkness.” It is a dark time in the world before the time of the apocalypse. Bad things are happening and everyone can feel the struggle of power going on. By the time you are reading this, the losers at WW have allowed the apocalypse to come (all in the name of the almighty dollar)…which I will never forgive them for. (Curse them and their dimwitted offspring! I refuse to buy their new books. Ha!) For the purposes of my saga though, please assume that we are still living in the times before the end of the world.

In the game we would be playing, our characters were ordinary humans in the beginning. They lived in New York City and had real lives. None of them had any idea that they were actually werewolves and that their fate would not be of their choosing. Since I never seemed to have luck playing female characters (they always ended up dead), I decided I would be playing a male character. Being a huge hockey fan at the time, I decided my guy would be a professional hockey player. I based Martin mainly on Martin Brodeur of the New Jersey Devils (circa 1993-94), but he is also a composite of other goalies I knew or admired at the time. His last name, Fichaud, for example was the last name of a goalie I once saw play in Cincinnati. Marty was from Quebec and though he had a French-Canadian accent, I spared my friends from my very poor imitation of one during the game.

Marty wasn’t a very complicated character during creation, but he evolved to become one major pain in the ass...and I say that with all the love of a proud mama! I hate players who don’t stay true to a character’s core just to make it easy. My character would NOT think it was so fantastic to wake up one day and learn that his old life was over and now he was a werewolf. He worked very hard to get were he was in his “real” life and he would not simply shrug and go, oh well. So he became a ‘reluctant’ Garou (a fancy name for a werewolf). As the books explain, he would need to go on a journey to discover why being a Garou was important and learn how he was needed in his new life. Well, that journey took about 8 years to complete…but people will be glad to learn that he did finally accept things, in his own way.

Since Marty grew up privileged and educated in a large city, it made all the sense in the world that he would become what is known as a Glasswalker. This is a tribal name for those who dwell in the cities. They are special because they embrace technology and feel at home in the city – whereas other Garou do not. They have their own spirit (the Weaver) and this puts them at odds with others. Initially, I also made Marty a Galliard (which is basically a party guy who spreads the stories of battles and heroics)…but I never really thought that fit him. So I eventually changed this to reflect what I felt was a better fit – he became an Ahroun (which means he was a fighter). Much later, as Martin matured as a character, I realized he actually made an excellent Galliard. I learned that being a Galliard could mean more than the simple explanation I gave above…that it could mean being an inspirational leader too. Martin would become that and more.

OK, so by now you are bored. You have fallen victim to the worst trait of all gamers everywhere – it is an incurable disease called: my character means the whole world to me so it must mean the same thing to you! Yes my friends, you have now learned the number one rule of interacting with a gamer – never ask them about their characters, because they will tell you…and tell you…and tell you! LOL Actually though, what I wrote above is a very brief outline of the top things you need to know about Marty to understand his core infrastructure.

When you create a character for Werewolf you must decide:
1.) A name
2.) A concept of who he/she is
a. What are his/her strengths or weaknesses? (Attributes)
b. What skills does he/she possess? (Abilities)
c. What is his/her background?
3.) A concept of what kind of Garou you will become
a. Was the character human before the transformation? (Breed)
b. What is his nature? (Auspice)
c. What group would he/she naturally be a part of/ (Tribe)
d. What special skills will he/she acquire once transformed? (Gifts)

So if you think about it – I was able to explain all that in three paragraphs…see; it really was a brief description! ;o) Actually I am amazed by my ability to keep it so short. LOL

I won’t say too much more about the actual game, except to mention that all the players started out the same way (but in their own unique circumstance) and once we all went through the change (becoming a werewolf) we were forced together to become a pack. We were to fight evil (known in the game as the Wyrm) in the mortal world and in a spirit world (known as the Umbra). We were heroes trying to stop the apocalypse…but a lot of the time was spent trying not to kill each other! That is in essence the game I played off and on for almost a decade – which is a very long time to play a single character/game.

I created Martin who was the anti-hero, a rule breaker and lost soul…Barb created a spiritual, earthy child-like character named Kali, who became Martin’s soul-mate and one true love. I feel like it is important to point out that these characters naturally evolved toward an in-game relationship. It wasn’t predetermined. Barb and I just liked playing in scenes together, and this was a great way for that to happen. Neither of us felt weird about the fact that in reality we were both women while interacting in this game dynamic. In the game (and in my head) I was a guy…I was Martin. I never became confused with pronouns or gender issues.

I can’t say why, but in reality I feel the same way. The little voice inside my head…the alternate me, if you will…always felt masculine to me. Maybe that is why I was a tomboy growing up, although I never felt like I should in reality be male. Inside I just felt traits that are more commonly associated with men. I can’t really be specific without sounding very stereotypical, so I won’t. I just find it easier to identify with male characters in books, plays and movies. As a writer, I find it easier to write for a man too – although they seem to adopt some of my women sensibilities along the way. As an adult, I have met other women who say they feel the same way. These women are all heterosexual and do not identify as transgender…in fact, I don’t believe it is a sexual thing at all. It is an interesting phenomenon.

When I created Martin, my alter-ego finally had a name. As the game went on, he became a very different character than I initially thought he would be. He began to reflect the person I was on the inside…including all my dark scary parts. In the beginning I gave him all the things I wish I could have – power, beauty and money. He was strong and brave. As he matured in the game, I made him more human by giving him some of my flaws –especially insecurity and a primal desire for affection and purpose.

Nothing good ever happened to Martin without a price – just like in my life.

Barb and I agreed that somehow Kali and Martin had become extensions of our real selves. Perhaps it should have not been such a surprise then that Kali and Martin were never that happily-ever-after couple. Their relationship was rocky and painful. All they ever did was hurt one another and long to be able to disappear into the other. They saw the each other as the answer to their problems, but really they were the source of their problems. Kali & Martin would have been so much happier without the other, but neither would walk away.

It is amazing how fiction is often a reflection of real life.

Remember back when I told you how I spent much of my youth living in my own head for my own good? Life isn’t as different as an adult…I just don’t have the luxury of staying in there now. I have grown-up responsibilities and a life to keep chugging along. I’ve spoken to other writers and artistic people, and most will admit to having a whole other world going on inside their heads. That is where their inspiration grows. It is their muse. I can totally relate to that. When your real life is boring, lonely and difficult - who wouldn’t want to escape? That is why there are alcoholics and drug addicts in the world. I felt my choice to stay safe in my own space was a much better alternative, but it can be just as addictive and dangerous.

I blame my first GM, Steve (not the Steve I’m currently gaming with now by the way), for the growing intensity of my obsession with Martin & the game at the time. One Christmas, he gave each of us a personalized mixed-tape of music attuned to our particular character in the game. I was floored at how personal this gift was. He really took the time to find specific songs that would match our character’s lives and personalities. I was hooked! Since then I have created over a dozen tapes and CDs made for certain periods during the game. I adore those tapes. It doesn’t matter how long it has been, I am right back to that moment in the story when I listen to them and I feel safe. I gave them as gifts to Barb, and she drew for me. It was just another seemingly unbreakable link between us.

Back in the real world, things were about to change forever…but that will have to wait until my next entry.

You call this justice?

I had to go to court yesterday. Some of my long-time readers might remember I witnessed an accident in July; well, this was the court date for that incident. I had to get up at 5:30AM to take my hubby to work so I could use the car for the day. At least the full moon was pretty. After getting the kids up and off to school, I headed downtown.

I have to say, the courthouse must be one of the craziest places to work in the whole city. There are all kinds of freaks there! Even as I was waiting to take the elevator, some group of girls were getting up into each other’s faces. I overheard a strange conversation between two lawyers about a case one of them was on – it involved a senior at OSU punching a cop’s horse. Who punches a horse? At any rate, I sat there for over 2 hours before our case came to anyone’s attention. The lawyers did their mumbo jumbo and made a deal before it even came before the judge. I was told I was dismissed and I never got to utter a word. How ridiculous was that? What a waste of my time and money. I was going to wait to see what happened to the loser – who could have easily killed himself and others – but I figured that I’d already spent more of my time than I wanted over this.

While I was waiting, I listened to the court cases before ours. First, I just want to say that I do not know how any real legal justice occurs there. It is like a three-ring circus act. The judge did his thing, a mass mob of prosecutors and lawyers congregated around another table wheeling-and-dealing. No one seemed to know what the others were involved in. People were walking through the hearing area, calling out names and dragging people off into corners to chat. How can anyone concentrate? The cases came fast & furious…blue folders stacked up everywhere! The judge listened to what the lawyers had to say about the cases (in under 2 minutes flat) and scanned the documents briefly…next thing you know he makes a judgment and off they go to the next file. How in the world is that our legal system? Scary!

One case really was shocking. It involved a 24 year-old man who had killed someone in a car crash. The victim’s family was there and they made a statement. It was really sad, and at least for those few moments everyone in the room had the decency to be quiet and still so they could speak to the judge. Then the man who caused the crash spoke and apologized to the family. It was really sad and I felt sorry for them both. I kept watching the man who caused the accident. He really just looked like a hollow shell. He watched the family walk out of the room and I could tell he wanted them to say he was forgiven, but the best they offered was to tell the judge locking him up forever would not bring their loved-one back. One life was over and there was no need to throw another one away. It was too late though – that man’s life would never be what it once was. Perhaps in a way, that was karma’s way of doling out justice. I was shocked that he didn’t even get jail time. Community service, a $750 fine and they took his license away for a year. A women died and he walked away getting barely a slap on the wrist. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.

Onto other topics: I took the kids ice skating on Sunday. I hadn’t been on the ice in a long time. I used to live at the rink in one way or another…but lately I’ve not had much reason to be there. I really had a nice time though. Meg did a pretty well. She is getting the hang of it. Brandon was still sticking to the wall like super glue, but he did make some good attempts and learned how to balance away from the wall. We were there about an hour & a half when I decided it would be our last lap. It was then that Brandon decided to wipe us both out. No big deal, except that everyone was staring and my skate lace came undone. I made my way to the bench to retie my skate…and as I stepped back onto the ice – WHAM!! – I fell flat on my back. I cannot even believe it! What a loser! One minute I’m upright; the next I’m staring at the ceiling! I hurt my thumb pretty badly (it is all swollen and black and blue) and my right arm is sore. My ass feels like one big bruise. LOL I’ll live. :o)

Tomorrow is Meg’s 10th birthday. A whole decade! Wow. I officially feel old now. ;o) She is so excited about her birthday. She’s had a running count down for 2 weeks. Meg expects so much – I hope she will be happy with what we can do for her. We are just SOOOO poor right now. She wants the world to bend to her will just because it is her birthday. She just doesn’t get it. As her Mom I want to make her day special, but I can’t morph her world into Paris Hilton-land like she dreams.

Oh – Happy Birthday Roger! I haven’t forgotten that you share Meg’s birthday. :o)

I need to get going…lots to do!

Buffy alert: Did you hear that Joss Whedon is going to write Buffy - Season 8 as a comic? It’s true! Check out this link: http://www.whedon.info/article.php3?id_article=16875

Songs of the moment: “Don’t Dream It’s Over” ~ Crowded House
& “Destroy Everything You Touch” ~ Ladytron

Random ‘Heroes” Thoughts: Did you watch Heroes last night? It was awesome…how in the hell am I going make it until Jan. 22nd? It’s official; Milo V.’s character, Peter is my favorite super freak, hands-down! I love how he is portraying Peter as being fragile but strong. I love how they have his hair down in his face like they do…it is very comic-like. The way they use light to shade in their faces in certain scenes…LOVE IT! Are there no other Hero fanatics out there? This is the best new show on TV right now.