Adult conversation...ah!

This afternoon Brian and I attended a house warming party for our friend's Glenn and Rob (see a photo to your left of the charming couple). They recently decided to cohabitate after a long relationship and after a lengthy search, found a very nice home in the beautiful German Village area. It was a lovely day for their party. Their new home was as nice as I knew it would be. I love that area of our city, and their home is very near several key German Village landmarks, including The Book Loft.

I wish I could have taken photos of the fantastic interior of their home. One whole wall in their living room and master bedroom is real brick! Very distinguished. They also have a gorgeous oasis of a backyard too, including a nice deck. Sitting there enjoying our drinks, the smooth sounds of Harry Connick Jr. in the background, and a nice early evening breeze cooling down the high temps - it was hard to believe it is only about a 15 minute walk to downtown from their front door!

The best part of the evening was being able to sit and talk with my husband uninterupted for almost an hour. We participated in idle adult chit chat and basically got to act like hip young adults again! It was a lovely break from the mundane...and just what the relationship doctor ordered. We left the party a bit early and went to our old dating hang out spot in the Short North - Macs. We shared a plate of food and watched the people walk by. It was romantic in a Cheri & Brian kind of way.

Want to know a silly secret about me? I love it when Brian and I sneek away at the park and play frisbee together. Don't worry! The kids are a safe distance away - we aren't stupid - but we sneak in some couple time this way too. I always come home feeling calmer, happier and closer to my hubby when we do this. All because of a little round disc. :o)

Well, I'm off to catch the rest of The Dead Zone. I wish Rob & Glenn all the very best in their beautiful new home. I hope today's visit will be the first of many. Nite all!

A block away to a new life...

I was just about to turn in for the evening, but I wanted to share some good news that happened today...

We are moving! Unfortunately it's not to Oregon as we had been talking/dreaming about, but just a block up the road actually. Still, this is fantastic news for us. I've been wanting out of our current place for at least 2 years now, but we could never find a big enough place that we could afford. In fact, being stuck here has only contributed to my depression...I'm confident that this place has bad karma! I've had my eye on this new home for months, hoping the owner would decide not to sell it but instead rent it out. Today my prayers were answered - we signed the lease (and at the price we needed)! Our move in date will be August 14th. I'll be sure to contact everyone privately with my new information.

Our new place is a half double with three bedrooms and a basement! That means Meg & Brandon will get their own rooms finally and we will have a huge backyard for them to play in. I am hoping the extra space and privacy will keep the kids from fighting as much. The short move will also mean that the kids can still play with their current friends and remain in the same schools. This place is much nicer and larger than where we currently live - it is going to make a big difference in our lives (or at least that is how I feel). Our current rental is just too small! We are always in each other's faces with nowhere to escape too for a bit of privacy.

Of course now my head is full of ideas. I want to toss all our old stuff and move in with new furniture, and I already have several small improvements in mind! You know me - never fully happy. :o) We are overlapping our move-in date and our move-out date from our current place by a week. That should make life a bit more bareable...plus it is literally a block away so that is helpful too. The following week the kids go back to school. Money will be tighter than ever, but I can't help but be positive about these changes coming up in my life.

17 days! I have a billion things to do...how will I ever sleep now?

Boys of Summer...

Last night, we used up the last of our free tickets for events in July. Brian and I took the kids to see the local AAA baseball team, The Columbus Clippers. We got the tickets from Brian's brother, Randy. Since we haven't been to a game in almost 2 seasons, and since it was a rather rainy day, I didn't think that we would actually go...but I'm glad we did. I really had a great time.

What is it about a minor league baseball game that allows one to feel free to do the Chicken Dance, loudly sing "Take me out to the ballgame" off-key and basically act like a freak in public? Since I'm not a beer drinker, I can't blame that. :o) Whatever it is, I'm happy for it. It reminds me so much of when I was a kid. I grew up going to the games whenever we were in town during the summer. There's just something really great about sitting in the stands on a summer night...the sounds of the game and the smell of beer.

My kids seemed to actually enjoy themselves. We snacked on cotton candy, nachos and ice cream! Meg was very lucky and caught a free Clipper's squishy ball and a box of White Castles (which had a free coupon inside for 3 free sandwiches). They really liked the mascots too. The Clippers used to have this one mascot that looked like it had rigamortis! He was dressed up like a Sea Captain (think Capt. Hook!) and he had this horrific crescent-moon shaped face (think Mac the Knife meets Jay Leno) that was greyish and terrible! I always thought he would have been a better mascot for a funeral home than a baseball team. Kids must have had nightmares looking at this guy! Terrible. Luckily he is long gone, and has been replaced by a parot and a seal (LouSeal to be exact) whom the kids adore.

The Clippers played against the Durahm Bulls. The previous game between the two teams was a scoring blitz (Bulls 16 - Clippers 10), but the game we saw was low scoring. In fact, the Bulls ran in 3 in the first inning but it was several more innings before the Clippers began to creep back onto the score board. What was really exciting though was watching the Clippers hold runners off 3rd and thus saving a chance for themselves to win. There were a few homers, double-plays and even a "save this clip for the evening news" catching dive in the outfield. After one additional inning, the Clippers managed to come-up with the winner 4-3. Huzzah!

I was very taken by their catcher - Will Nieves. Not only was he such a happy guy - always smiling and joking around...but check out his picture (above) - what a cutie! :o) A very decent hitter, Will also made two really great plays during the game - one of which included him running down a Bulls player on the third baseline. He also got a bit fancy when the ball popped up behind home plate and rolled into the netting. Will waitied for the ball to roll back down to him, and just as it did he spun around and caught the ball behind his back! Now who can resist a guy like that?! Not an ex catcher-loving girl like me, that is for sure! Gush!

Anyhow - it was a very fun & relaxing evening. I hope we can make it out to another game before the season ends.

Put on a happy face...

I've decided that my computer is the source of my mood swings! Seriously...I've noted how my mood tends to sour after spending any length of time on it. I think it has something to do with the emails I received, and the ones I didn't - if you know what I mean. I spend at least an hour or more a day on my laptop - mainly to work on SpeakOUT stuff - so, I wonder what I can do about this discovery?!

To test this theory, on Sunday I decided to stay off the thing completely...and my day went pretty well! I decided that we would venture outside as a family and go to Brian's company picnic at Darby House. Normally we are not the type of family to do such things - but it was a beautiful day and there were free pony rides! So we went and I really enjoyed it. The food was catered by Schmidt's (a local German restaurant - yummmm!). They had the cutest platter of mini creme puffs that I must admit indulging in beyond good manners.

Then the kids ran about riding ponies, playing horseshoes, getting their face painted, playing outdoor sports and so forth. One activity was cane fishing in a private pond. We took the kids and both caught their very first fish! I wish I had my camera (bad mommy!). Brandon caught a fair sized blue gill and Meaghan caught a 2-3 lbs bass! It was a catch & release pond, so I'm happy to say that the fish went back into the water. Brand0n tried to grab his fish, instead of the line and the fish got its revenge! When he extended his fins the tips get rigid and they stuck Brandon's palm. He cried like a maniac! Later on, Meaghan was trying to fish on her own and managed to get a hook in her finger. She wailed like her face had caught fire! It really freaked me out. She was fine though - barely even broke the skin. They were both a bit put off by these encouters but still felt excited about catching something.

The last thing the kids did was drag Brain to the top of this huge hill...which was actually the first hole on their private golf course. It really was HUGE - and only a par 3! There they were: little outlines against the most amazingly blue sky...and then here they came rolling down it! The kids needed some proper instruction from Brian on the best way to roll (a sad commentary on kids in the 21st century) - but soon they came tumbling down. Again - I wish I had my camera. I can only imagine what Brian's co-workers thought of the spectacle. He didn't care though. :o) The whole experience was literally a breath of fresh air for me. I felt really calm and happy for once.

On Monday, I took Meaghan with me to see "The Devil Wears Prada." As my dear readers know, I had won these tickets earlier in the month and we finally went to see it. I knew it would be over Meg's head, but she insisted that she get to go with me. She saw Anne Hathaway and thought it would be like 'Princess Diaries' or something. It wasn't. Overall, I'd recomend the film...but it is a tad long. Also, I found some of it depressing. It was depressing to see people rip into Anne's character for being FAT (at a size 6!)...double that and I still couldn't get the junk in my trunk into it. Unfortunately, Anne gives in and looses weight to attain the slightly pudgy, but more acceptable size 4. Get real! Also, I was depressed watching the office politics in this movie. It reminded me of every corporate job I've had. Back stabbing and so forth. I sure as hell don't miss that.

Tuesday, I forced myself to work on SpeakOUT stuff and finally get caught up on reading all The Advocate magazines I've had laying around. So my bad attitude about being a gay advocate is only half as bad as in my last post. I'm at least functional now. Unfortunately, I just found out that the Washington State Supreme Court upheld its gay marriage ban by a 5-4 vote. Depressing. See? Being on this thing is depressing!

On a brighter note - Brian and I got an invitation to a party at our friend's Nick & Rolando's house. :o) Also - I found out that we have a sitter for Sunday so we can go to a housewarming party at Rob & Glenn's new home in German Villiage - WITHOUT our kids! OK, sometimes the emails do bring good tidings! :o)

Television updates: I've been watching the new Sci-Fi channel original series, Eureka. It isn't half bad. Give it a shot if you are into an X-Files meets Twin Peaks drama...Tuesday at 9PM. Oh, if you are crazy about Grey's Anatomy like me; check out the writer's blog. The show's creator, Shonda Rhimes, finally posted new stuff. Whoo hoo! Also, I just got an email regarding the DVD release of the third season of The L-Word. I didn't get to watch this past season, so I am foaming at the mouth to get my hands on it! Wow - I watch way too much TV! LOL ;0)

How soon is now?

So here is my horoscope: "The stars reveal a big question mark hanging over your head. It's as though you've forgotten who you are...You'll soon be back to your old fabulous mood." I wish the stars could be a bit more specific about this "soon" time frame. For a good part of this week, I have felt a little like Eeyore - traveling about my life with a little black rain cloud following me. Nothing seems to be going right.

Take for instance, the case of the would-be do-gooder...that would be me. For some insane reason, I decided that I could organize a dozen GLBTA organizations to host a booth during the Ohio State Fair. I wanted to make this happen last year, but found only 4 other groups to agree to the idea. But this year is an election year, so I was able to get commitments from enough groups to try and pull off what hasn't been done in almost 6 years. (GLBTA groups don't generally play nice with one another...trust me.)

I'll spare you, dear reader, the boring details - all that is important here is that we didn't get the booth space. I worked my ass off (for free mind you) and did all I could to make this happen, but it didn't. Up until this point, I was the hero. Everyone showered me with praise for my work...and yea, I liked it. Now, that the plan has fallen flat - I think it is fair to say opinions of my leadership are now mixed. Do I deserve this? I don't think I do - I did everything I could and ultimately the decision was out of my hands. This must be why more people opt to be followers instead of leaders. No one wants to risk their own credibility and reputation - just in case. I'm starting to see the wisdom of this ideaology.

The whole affair has put a nasty taste in my mouth toward my ally work. I wish I could just hide in my bed and forget about all things gay for one month. I didn't even write my group's weekly update email...I was just too disgusted. I'm also supposed to be working on this other project with Equality Ohio (again for free...it's always for free) - but after reading about them hiring another PAID staff member who wasn't me...well, I just wanted to scream! The stupid part is that I would never want this new person's job - she's in charge of fundraising, yuck! Still I am so frustrated. I am hard working and I (normally) make things happen. I have worked really hard these past three years, but yet I feel as if I will never get where I want to go in this field (which is being a paid staff member of a GLBT organization). I hate to say it, but I really think it comes down to my sexual orientaion and that is just plain unfair...and very ironic! Anyway, I am not feeling very happy or satisfied in this area of my life (and believe it or not, it is a large portion of my life).

Other than that, I feel like a walking tornado of bad karma and nasty mood swings. I feel incredibly unhappy - the worst part is that I can't seem to shake it. I really can't pin point a reason for this (other than the above mentioned rant).

Brian has been home with us the last two days, so I haven't been trapped in the house. Actually, we've been out and about and even managed to sneak in a few fun things along the way. We used our free AE Jeans/AMC tickets to go see "My Super Ex-Girlfriend" yesterday. I liked it because I went into expecting nothing more than summer frothy fun - and it delivered. Although it is rated PG-13, I would not recommend you take the kids. There are a lot of sexual comments and though treated with humor, the bedroom scenes were a bit much for my 6 & 9 year olds. Luke Wilson was in it - Brian pointed out that instead of David Duchovony (see a previous posting), he thought Luke instead favored David Arquette. I'll let you decide...

Brian was home Thursday and Friday because Thursday was our 10th wedding anniversary -and because we were supposed to be on vacation this week, so he already had the days off. We didn't have enough money for the vacation, or to really celebrate our milestone anniversary for that matter, so that made me depressed. I was even more depressed when I realized we are practically the only people in my family NOT on vacation this weekend (my mother went to Toronto, my aunt is on a cruise and my other aunt is in Phoenix!). Bah!!!

I could go on, but I think you get the point. Life these days has me seeing the glass is half empty instead of full. I am ready for "soon" to be NOW!

Toad: A concert full of 'Good Intentions'...

As is becoming tradition here at "What A Girl Wants," I'm fresh off another concert & ready to give my review! Tonight Brian and I went to see the 90's hit band, Toad the Wet Sprocket at the LC Pavillion. It was an outdoor show, which was a first for me at the LC (formerly known as Promowest Pavillion). For the bands performing, I think the venue was just the right size. The opening band was Big Head Todd & the Monsters, but neither Brian nor I are big fans. I was actually surprised at how many "Todd" fans there were in the audience. I actually even heard someone say that "Todd" was the reason they came! Freaks! Oh well, to each their own I suppose. As for Brian and myself, we tried to skip as much of the opening act as possible - but they played for what seemed like forever. Finally they gave up the stage to Toad...

After NIN & Melissa Etheridge, Toad had a lot to live up too. Unfortunately, they didn't quite succeed. They had annoying sound problems for about 3 songs and then finally settled into a nice set of classic Toad hits. (All I Want, Something's Always Wrong, Good Intentions, Come Back Down) Also, the two guitarists/background singers seemed flat on many of the songs.

Lead singer Glenn Phillips sounded great however! I even managed to enjoy a couple tunes off his current solo album, Mr. Lemons. Phillips treated the audience to a couple of accoustic numbers which I also greatly enjoyed. I was a tad annoyed when they "milked" the audience for an encore so we could finally hear Walk on the Ocean, but I love that song so it was worth it I suppose.

Overall, the concert was decent. The weather held out (no rain!) and it cooled down with a nice breeze. It was also a feast for those who love to people watch! We had more fun at the expense of the many yuppy men strolling about in their polos and khaki shorts (with sandals, 'natch!) with their second (re: trophy) wife tagging along. I am happy to say I've seen Toad live, but I'm even happier that my tickets were free! ;o) The concert served as a nice trip down memory lane. Still, I would probably have to say that I would have been just as happy to stay home and listen to my Toad retrospective album, PS.

A note to the management of the LC: Budweiser sucks...please stock some decent beer. Ditto on the Pepsi products.

A note to the two air-headed bimbos who plopped down right next to us just as the Toad show was beginning: If you want to talk - great - but how about taking your annoying, pointless babble to an area where other people aren't trying to hear the band! Ditto to those who can't spend an hour of their lives without texting someone on their cell phone.

Oh, here's the cute shirt I would have bought if I were not so poor:

( I wish they had it in green.)

Off to bed with me - Brian's already out like a light!

Nite all...

Consider this a public service announcement!

I just wanted to let everyone know that the Sci-Fi Channel has begun airing the Showtime original series, "Dead Like Me." I loved this dark comedy about a group of grim reapers and was so disappointed to see it end after only two seasons. I totally recommend it! You can now catch it on Sci-Fi (52 on Time Warner Cable) on Tuesday's at 7PM (or view it unedited on DVD).

Here's another thing you should be aware of...if you head over to your nearest American Eagle store, they are giving away free movie passes to AMC theatres just for trying on AE jeans. That's right - you don't have to buy anything! The passes are good until 8/10/06. They can be used for any show (even special engagements), any day or time. The dressing room attendant has the passes. Happy FREE movie going!

Bring out yer dead...

I am faced with a dilemma...and the irony is that I have been faced with it many times over in my past, yet I am still unprepared to deal with it. Aren't we supposed to learn from past experiences? So why when this particular issue comes up do I always stumble?

My dilemma is deciding whether a friendship has run its course and if so what to do about it?

Now, I am not a person who has a ton of friends. I've never really been that person (save for a weird two-year span back in my elementary school years). I blame this on my father's career choice - the US Air Force. We moved all the time...and at very inconvenient times (like during Christmas break!). So I never had much of a chance to form "life long friendships". I am used to people coming in and out of my life in spurts. I'm used to having "acquaintances" instead of real friends. That's not to say that I am happy about that...nor have I ever gotten used to it. One thing I did get used too, however, was being alone...or should that be lonely? Being an only child made these moves even harder. Yet, I should give these times some credit...I think it made me much more imaginative and creative than some people.

I used to think that I had to hold onto a friend as if they were my only life line. It didn't matter if I really didn't like them anymore, or if they were not very nice to me. They were my "friend" and therefore I put up with anything. I also tried way too hard to get people to like me and accept me (I admit, I still have this problem). I would buy them gifts even when I couldn't really afford too, or I would spend massive amounts of time trying to make myself needed in their lives. This led many people to misuse my friendship, and in the end I would be bitter and feel unappreciated. As an adult now, I must admit that I have put myself in this position and so I have only myself to blame...but it is still hard not to pout like a child while doing so.

Over the past decade, I have finally learned an important life lesson - "friends 'till the end" or "BFF" are unrealistic concepts. People evolve and become different over time. Sometimes these changes are good and match my changes, but othertimes they are not and they clash with who I am. I finally learned that sometimes you have to take a serious look at your address book and evaluate who is really worthy of the title 'friend.' This is especially true with me - because I feel real and serious guilt when I think of friends I have not written in some time...of course the fact that they have not written me either doesn't occur to me until much later.

I have had only 4 friendships that have spanned over 5 plus years. One such friend was my junior high school best friend, Pauline. I was in her wedding and she attended mine. After over a decade of friendship though, she had become very religious and "small-town" and well, I went the other way. She didn't approve of my lifestyle and I found her's to be boring and restrictive. One day she just stopped writing me. I sent her birthday cards for a couple of years, but never heard back. Then one day I just let her go. The strange thing is that it didn't faze me a bit. I never shed a tear and I don't miss her in my life at all.

On the other hand, I had a decade long adult friendship with a girl named Barb. My experiences with Barb shapped my life as I live it today. She was my other-half...my ying...my sister. I could write a whole separate journal about the ups and downs of that relationship, and I promise one day you'll learn more about her than you ever wanted too, but to make it short and (bitter)sweet - we had a planet-ending, black hole sucking, crush your will to live ending to our friendship. I literally thought I would die when I lost this person in my life - despite the fact that Barb had become a terrible, manipulating, poisonious presence in my life. I cried an ocean of tears. I cannot get around this hole in my life.

So why the difference? I knew these people about the same length of time. They were at times the center of my universe. One faded without much notice and the other exploded like a super nova. The two experiences have left me in a spiral of self-doubt now when I decide it is time to re-evaluate the people in my lives.

I hate being in this spot because I never know what to do. Sometimes I think it is easier to just exist in people's lives even though I know that I am unhappy. Then I get pissed at myself for allowing people to use me and generally treat me very poorly without even uttering a word in self-defense. So then I generally do one of two things - I overreact and end friendships abruptly or I continue to suffer in silence, smiling on the outside while loathing the situation inside. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground. I wish I could use the moxy I have while fighting for gay rights in my own life. When it comes to me and my own feelings - I'm a mousey, meek weakling! I'm always worried about hurting someone else's feelings even when they are walking all over mine. I hate that!!

I finally chose to end a decade long friendship with another friend of mine, Regina. That was a very hard decision, especially since we were both friends with a third girl and I feared it would end that relationship too (it didn't). Regina and I didn't have a fight or anything like that - I just decided she was too much work and our friendship was no longer worth all the effort I had to put into it. I felt she was too judgmental and demanding of me. I always felt like crap after spending time with her - as if I always had to perform for her, or excuse myself for her. So I said - no more and I ended it without harsh words or tears. Apparently she was happy with this decision because she never even responded. I can honestly say I am happy with my decision. While I regret I won't be able to see her marry her fiance now, I have never regretted walking away.

So that brings us to the present. Here I am once again, trying to decide what to do about a friendship that I fear has come to an end. I have no idea what to do. Why isn't this easier? Why do I keep coming to this very uncomfortable place? Is it me - or them? Does it really matter? I feel so lonely all the time...but yet, here I am willing to turn away another person in my life. That makes no sense! Yet, I still feel the need to make a decision.

I wish I could conclude this entry with an answer - but I don't have one...yet.

Luke & David...separated at birth??

I just finished watching "The Family Stone" and I couldn't get past how much Luke Wilson looks like David Duchovny! They could be brothers...or maybe they are part of some form of X-Files cloning program?! :o) Seriously - don't you think they look very similar? Now, I'd take David over Luke any day of the week but that is for another post. David Duchovny - drool! ;o)

The movie was much better than I anticipated. Even Brian stayed awake for the whole film - a miracle - and seemed to enjoy it despite the presence of Sarah Jessica Parker (whom he loathes). At first glance, the film seemed like it was going to be one of those typical farcy Hollywood ensemble things that gets cranked out over and over, but then they threw in some real issues and I got hooked. Everyone did a good acting job (except for Dylan Mulroney who couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag!), and as dysfunctional as it sounds, it reminded me greatly of my own family issues. I think they should have ended the film without the last 5 minutes (which is seen in the future), and without the weird Dylan Mulroney close-up near the end, but it was still very entertaining. It's certainly worth picking up at Blockbuster.

One scene which struck a particular cord within me is when SJP's character was excluded (by accident? I think not!) in the family photo. The exact thing happend to me! Brian and I were engaged (and expecting) and were attending his step-sister's wedding in Chicago. His step-mother rushed to our table to gather the "family" for an informal shot with the bride and groom. I was sitting next to my future brother-in-law's fiancee (they were married one month before us), when my soon to be mother-in-law took her by the hand and said, "Sally, dear, you are practically family...join us!" She didn't even look at me. I was left sitting there alone! I felt like "Baby" in Dirty Dancing...but where was my Patrick Swayze?!

And just like in the film when SJP's boyfriend doesn't get why she might be upset or insulted over the slight, Brian too was clueless. Of course - he was wasted, so that didn't help. He sure as hell didn't stand up for me and insist I be included - nor did SJP's onscreen guy.

A bonus follow-up to this tale is now when I visit a member of his family, I get to see that picture over and over - isn't life lovely?! It doesn't take a genius to figure out how well I get along with my in-laws. :o)

'Nite all!

Melissa Etheridge...100% tough-ass broad!

So last night Brian and I went to see Melissa Etheridge. Although I would not classify myself as a huge fan, I have always enjoyed her music and since we received the $75 a seat tickets free - who was I to refuse?

Besides, I used my noodle and used the opportunity to pass out hotcards for my ally group prior to the show. We passed out about 250 cards in 15 minutes - sweet! Not to mention that PBS was there shooting footage for a documentary and got Brian on camera! The guy in charge of the PBS thing approached me to film some comments but I had to be between 18-25. I had to tell him that I was too old, but he made my night by not believing my real age and saying no one would ever guess that. What a sweetie!

It was a fantastic show that lasted 3 hours! Brian called her the 'Energizer Bunny of entertainers' and I joked that someone would eventually have to drag the women off the stage. It conjured up images of James Brown being led off stage only to throw off his cape and run back for more. LOL

The thing about this show that I enjoyed most was that Melissa was a real talker. It felt like a VH1 Story Tellers segment! She was very genuine and it was easy to see why so many shelled out the $100 a seat to be closer to her. It's hard not to admire her for all she has been through in life and all the things she stands up for. She talked about global warming and a recent trip to Alaska where she met a man who runs a dog sled business...he assured her that in the last 20 years he has indeed seen a change in the glaciers from the oceans warming. She wrote and sang a song in the new movie An Inconvenient Truth, but from her lips it didn't seem like a ploy or PR moment.

She also sang some very touching songs about her fight against breast cancer, "This is Not Goodbye," United Flight 93's heroic gay passenger, "Tuesday Morning," and Matthew Shepard's murder, "Scarecrow."

She really seemed to have a great time onstage and her 3 member band was very good. Her gutiarist, Phillip, had a very unusual way of playing. His arm flew all over the place like a monkey! It was kind of annoying...but I could not deny that the Toronto native could play. She spent much time communicating with the audience. She even asked two lucky fans to record the group using children's video cameras. Perhaps the most memorable and humble moment came when Melissa actually forgot the second verse of a song and had to ask for the lyric book to come out. It's nice to see even the famous have life moments which they wish they could have back.

So that is two great concerts with one to go -- we are supposed to go see Toad The Wet Sprocket next Wednesday. Will it be a hat trick of terrific shows? I hope so. I really liked them back in the day and I am looking forward to the show (which we received free tickets too as well!). Speaking of free things - I won tickets to go see The Devil Wears Prada. I'll let you all know how it is.

Here's a fun story to leave you with...before the concert, I took my kids to this place called Pump It Up. It is basically a warehouse that houses 4 bouncy/air-filled contraptions. I had two free passes and therefore didn't have to pay the $12 it would have cost to take the kids to play. Well, one of the items you could play on was an inflatable obstacle course. You have to climb over a big air bag, then squeeze through this roller thing and then climb the mountain and slide to the finish line. I took Meaghan on head-to-head. I was doing well until the roller thing. When I (and my fat rear end) squeezed through the roller part, I realized I had almost lost my damned pants in the process! I stood up and had to make a quick adjustment. To my horror it was in plain sight of all the other mothers who were sitting on bench and snickering at me. See Melissa - it could have been worst! :o) Needless to say, Meaghan schooled me - easily.

Mom...aka the Invisible Woman!

Has anyone else seen that television commercial about the "invisible mother"? You see all these things that mothers and wives do being done by some invisible person, but voila at the end she uses some shampoo or hair dye (I forget which) and she's back looking all radiant and happy. Well...I think perhaps I need some of what that lady is having. Lately I'm feeling very much like the invisible woman around here.

I guess I am like that 'Invisible Mom' on the TV commercial. The people in my family see clean clothes in their drawers, the lights don't get shut off for lack of payment, there is food in the pantry...but they don't spend a single moment of their lives considering how it all gets taken care of - let alone who does it. Forget appreciation...I've all but given up on that concept. I might spend 2 1/2 hours on laundry and ironing, but no one takes notice. It is just expected. I probably treated my own mother the same way - I owe her an apology. I know better now just how much she gave up to create the illusion of a happy home.

"So I give.

I tell myself that love is truly giving.

Somehow I justify this.

Hoping you will understand me.

Hoping you will love me back."

~ Paula Cole, "I am so Ordinary"

A brief moment of serenity...

After a rather hectic four day weekend, the "real" week began yesterday. Brian went back to work and Meaghan returned to summer school. So it was just me and the boy for a few hours. Then my mother had mercy on me and came by in the afternoon and took the kids to swim at her pool.

I was alone for the first time in weeks!! My house was totally quiet and calm. There were no little rugrats screaming and arguing. When I cleaned up a mess - it stayed clean! It was an unexpected moment of serenity that I totally appreciated. Yea for grandmothers! :o)

I wish I could have just sat down on the couch and vegged out with a magazine or even stolen a quick nap - however, whenever the weekend rolls around, my house gets trashed! My family is just not aware of the mess they leave in their wake. There is only one me though - so I do what I can to make the place bareable while we are all home, but once they leave it is up to me to get the place back in order. I'm still unable to figure out how a family of four accumulates so much laundry, but the moutain left behind from this past weekend proves that we like to change clothes - A LOT! Anyhow, I couldn't justify wasting away the few hours I had alone doing nothing, so I cleaned like a maniac and then spent an hour online managing my group and other tasks. I managed to get quite a bit accomplished!

The weekend didn't go as planned. The poor weather kept changing our plans. Saturday we took the kids to Magic Mountain though and Brandon rode the go-karts all by himself for the first time. He did really well too. We all got soaked in the bumper boats! Fun was had by all and we wrapped it all up with a visit to Maggie Moos ice cream shop. Yum!

Monday we were supposed to go out to the Lake but it was raining very hard and lightening filled the skies, so we turned around. Of course, we found out later that the weather cleared up in time for the fireworks. Figures! We did drive out the next day, but my aunt & uncle were already packing up their camp site to come home. Just our luck! So no boating for me. :o( We caught the Dublin fireworks show late Tuesday, after it rained for nearly 2 hours straight.

I'm knee deep in laundry & ironing, so I'm going to make this a short one. I hope everyone had a nice holiday.

The Fight or Flight response tested...

On Sunday evening, my family & I were driving home from a visit with my mother. It had been a long day and the kids had just enjoyed some pool time at Grandma's condo. We were all tired and ready to get home and wrap up the evening. It seems that fate had its own ideas however...

Out of nowhere, this black car races up along side us traveling at least 90 mph. He was driving like a maniac! The lunatic squeezed between two cars (driving over the white lines in his new imaginary lane) to pass another vehicle who I suppose wasn't traveling fast enough for the driver of the black vehicle's liking. Luckily he did not crash into either vehicle.

His luck ran out, however, when he attempted the same manuever on the on-ramp - this time trying to squeeze between a tanker truck and a minivan. As the three cars approached a curve along the ramp, the space between the van and truck shrunk and the black vehicle clipped the back of the van. The minivan did a few 360's and fishtailed all over the ramp - but luck and some Hollywood-style stun driving prevented the driver from flipping over. The black vehicle swerved off the road and into a grassy field. It's driver made a mad dash across the grass - in an attempt to hit-skip in my opinion - but his rear tire blew and he spun out on the roadway. Again, the driver was lucky that the vehicle did not flip.

We stopped immediately and I leaped out of my car and over the concrete barrier. I felt confident my children were safe as I did this - because they were seatbelted into the rear of our car and the doors had childlocks on them. I was the first to approach the still smoking black vehicle. The driver wasn't wearing his seatbelt, but the airbag had saved the fool's life. He was thrown into the passenger side floor area. He was awake but very disoriented. I could not see any serious injuries except for some cuts on his face from the shattered windshield. I kept talking to him and trying to get him not to move too much. We told another person to call 911 and Brian ran over to assist the driver of minivan (who was shaken but not hurt). Luckily, an off-duty sheriff had seen the accident as well and he came over to tend to the driver of the black vehicle until the ambulance showed up. It was quite a scene!

As far as I know, everyone ended up OK. It turns out that the driver of the black car had crashed a customer's car - he is a mechanic! He had a fight with his girlfriend earlier and that is why he was driving so fast apparently. The sheriff told the firemen that he did not think alcohol was a factor. The man's girlfriend showed up at the scene. We were all glad to see her because the driver had told the sheriff that she had also been in the car at the time of the accident. Everyone was scouring the grassy area looking for her and fearing the worst. I guess the guy was in shock though, because she obviously was not in the car. I heard her tell a cop that she and the driver had been a couple for 10 years and that they had 2 kids together. Hearing that made me feel even better about stopping to help...this guy may have been an asshole for causing this situation, but he was some kid's Daddy too. We stayed and gave our statement to the cops and got home about an hour later than we should have.

The whole thing makes me shake my head to think of it now. What if the car had suddenly caught fire? What if the driver had been killed? I would have had to live with that image the rest of my life. I didn't even think during the moment - I just acted. I gave no regard to my own safety and only found myself concerned about the life of a man whose foolish actions could have killed a lot of people that evening. This wasn't the first time I have done something like that either. As a teen, I once saw an abandoned building on fire next door to the Wendy's restaurant where I was eating. I told my mother to call the fire department and I ran inside the burning building! I thought I saw a person in the window, but as it turns out there was no one inside. There was a burning matress, however, in what looked to be an old kitchen, so someone had been in there at some point.

All of this leads to me to ponder why some people stop and help, while others are content to let others take the risks? Last night, there were about 10 good samaritans who stopped and tried to be helpful - but there were plenty of others who didn't. Some were even honking their horns and acting in an unsafe manner as they tried to get out of the growing traffic jam. So what is it that leads some people to jump into danger without thought? I think it must be something genetic. People who grow up to be firemen or policemen must have this gene too. I've studied about the fight or flight response - but I think people are wired to react more often in a certain way. I guess that is why there are alpha-types and betas.

Later that evening, after the adrenaline had returned to its normal levels, I felt like I had been tackled to the ground. My body actually hurt! I guess that is a small price to pay though to be Wonder Woman. :o)

Fireworks, family feuds and other American traditions...

A four day weekend has arrived and logic tells me that I should be looking forward to it. Well, I am - sort of. On one hand, I'm happy that my hubby will be home with me for the next four days. It seems like I never see him, or get to spend time with him. However, I don't have any realistic expectations of being able to spend any alone time with Brian.

Instead, over the next four days we will play a never-ending tag team game called parenthood. I don't know what it is about families and long holiday weekends that make for hell-like experiences...as if American society suddenly demands perfect family Hallmark moments...but there is nothing like the 4th of July weekend to stir up a pot of trouble. Weekly routines get thrown out of wack, tempers shorten & money becomes even more of a necessity...even though somehow we never seem to enjoy a sudden influx of it. Have you ever noticed how inconvenient long weekends really are? Most seem to always fall at the very end of the month...just in time to coincide with rent being due.

I'm not really sure what we will do this weekend, but it has already started out with a bang - er, no pun intended. My kids were up and squabbling at top volume at the cheery hour of 7AM! Welcome to your weekend! Sigh...

Currently they are ransacking my formerly clean living room with a variety of toys & games. Too bad each item only seems to contain about 15 minutes of fun before they are deemed boring and left to rot on my carpet. All of this fun will be followed by the family tradtion of me telling them to clean up and them telling me no. This goes on for about 20 minutes until I start yelling at them to clean up and they in turn will begin to yell back and then begin hitting one another. The grand finale occurs when Brian sweeps into the room like thunder and starts bagging the mess into garbage bags. The kids will continue to yell, cry and hit. Then I, as mother of this brood, will get the privelage of calming both my children and husband in order to save my head from exploding...and then in a day or two I will get to put all the toys back where they belong or spend the rest of eternity stepping over the toy-filled garbage bags in our mud room.

One thing we will do is visit my aunt & uncle at Buckeye Lake (http://vil.buckeye-lake.oh.us/). They have a new boat and we will spend some time on the water. I love being on the water - it is like a slice of heaven to me. There are many gorgeous homes along the banks...one I really love is actually on an island! It is so peaceful and beautiful - I love the cranes in particular (the bird variety - not the large mechanical ones).

I am really looking forward to this. I like the 'Dawson's Creek' vibe I get there when we boat into the little town and dock our boat so we can get some kick ass ice cream. :o) Monday is likely the day we will go so we can be out on the boat and watch the fireworks go off.

I was lucky enough to catch a ride up to the local bargin cinema yesterday. We saw the new Robin Williams film, RV.

(Watch the trailer & see more comments: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0449089/)

It was actually much better than I feared. I would actually even say that I enjoyed it even. So if you have a buck to spend and a couple of hours to kill, I'd recommend it as a harmless summer flick. If you've seen a good movie lately, I'd love to hear some recommendations. In particular, I want to see The Devil Wears Prada and Click...so if you've seen these let me know if I should bother. If you'd like to watch a nice family movie - and honestly sometimes these are great hidden gems amongst all the blow 'em up, mega-star films that Hollywood cranks out each summer - may I suggest the following two: Little Manhattan (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0412922/) and Zathura (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0406375/). My family really enjoyed these.

Oh, while waiting for Brian to pick us up at the movies, the kids and I visited Petland. Sandy the amazing Doodle Dog was still there! He had already grown some...but he was still my baby! He was marked down 30% but he'd have to be marked down to like 70% before I could even pretend to afford him. I hope someone takes him home soon. He is such a great pup.

Have a great weekend everyone...or, like me, fake it! LOL :o)