LK Hamilton &*%# it up...again!

I must be a glutton for punishment...even though I swore off any more LK Hamilton books because I thought they were turning into little more than self-absorbed, erotica crap, I still found myself unable to not pick up a copy of her newest addition: "Blood Noir".

My only excuse is that the story is supposed to focus on one of my favorite characters in the long-running Anita Blake stories: Jason, Jean-Claude's pomme de sang. It's about damned time that he got some attention! (Plus I got it at the library...so it wasn't like I paid for it!)

But I see that nothing has changed. Sadly it only takes LK 13 pages to write in her first sex-scene...even less than that for her to concentrate on the topic itself. What the hell? What happened to LK? Go back and read Guilty Pleasures or a number of her other earlier books. There was an actual story. Now it's all about how many sex scenes she can cram into a "novel" and still not have it land in the porn store instead of the book store. Pathetic! (And a waste of talent...) Plus, I am just sick of wasted pages describing Anita's past fucks, boyfriends and true loves. OK we got it already. Ick...

Does LK not trust that her audience can handle actual dialogue or plot which doesn't have something to do with Anita being fucked? Or has she so little faith in her ability to write a book without the sex that she isn't even trying anymore? I had heard that she took her fan's dislike for the sex-heavy tomes to heart...but it doesn't seem like it too me. It is so tiresome to me already (and I've barely even begun to get to the point of the story) that I am not sure I am even going to be able to make it through this book. I guess I haven't yet learned my lesson - but I'm getting there.

Read this at your own risk...or if you are unable to get to the local porn store for your Penthouse Letters fix.

What's on my mind...

(This is a photo of my husband showing his straight ally pride in the 2008 Pride Parade!)

I have a lot of things on my mind this week. Most of it revolves around money – and the lack of it. We are back to being ridiculously poor. (As in less than $2 left in our bank account poor.) It has been a long week of watching with worry as our gas gage inches toward empty and scraping meals together out of basically nothing. Thank goodness Brian gets paid tomorrow. Unfortunately, if we were to pay everything that needed to be paid by tomorrow…we’d be back to $2 in the bank for the next two weeks. So it will be up to me to figure out what gets paid and what gets put on the back burner for another two-week period. Brian just hands me the check and sulks on the couch in depression mode. It’s very stressful.

The kids go back to school on August 19th this year…so we are in the thick of back to school shopping as well. Once again, my mother has saved us. She has been buying the kids some new clothes and the majority of their supplies. We still have more to buy though before the first day of class. During Meg’s open house for 6th grade, I have to have at least $50 to pay for certain class items that the school itself sells exclusively and they are also taking class photos that day (the cheapest package runs about $15). That is only the beginning. There are class fees and other charges (like lunch tickets) that we need to be prepared for as well. I also have to put together a snack box for Brandon’s diabetes routine at school and pay for a second set of everything he will medically need for the school nurse. Again, it is very stressful & expensive.

Speaking of Brandon’s diabetes…we finally decided to change his endocrinologist. We have been with the doctors at Children’s Hospital since his diagnosis in September of 2006. Over the years, we have grown tired of the automated systems which we have to deal with to speak to nurses, to make an appointment and a slew of other things. We never seem to be able to speak to a person. We also have long waits to get in to see a doctor…and then the appointments tend to last for hours. We have heard from day one that Dr. Zipf is the premiere child endocrinologist in town…so I guess we will soon see if he lives up to the hype. I’m looking for a more personalized experience; one where my son is treated like every other kid his age with diabetes. I want his care to be focused on him as an individual. Our first appointment is on the 18th – the day before school begins.

Speaking of decisions…I have to make a very important decision and for the life of me I cannot do it. I am at a crossroads with my group SpeakOUT. Two months back, I told my board members that I wanted out. I had been burning the candle at both ends for years and I just couldn’t keep it up. I told them that I would remain on the board, but I wanted to be replaced as the director. Well, of course neither of them wanted the job and we had no other candidates, which left ending SpeakOUT as an organization as the only real solution. Could I allow this to happen after everything I did to make SpeakOUT what it was? No…but I was still tired.

So I decided to cancel all our summer monthly meetings and give myself a bit of a break to see if that would help. I still made sure that we met our summer obligations – like Pride and the AIDS Walk – and I also made the decision to continue writing and sending out our weekly update. The truth is that I don’t miss the meetings at all. Yet, everyone tells me that the meetings are an important part of the group. I’d like to have fewer (or even zero) meetings…but that doesn’t seem like a popular choice.

I think one of the main problems is that I did everything backwards. Here we are four years into it and only now am I trying to organize the group with a board, conduct fundraising and become a legal 501c3. If I had done this in the beginning – when my passion for the group was like a roaring bonfire – then perhaps it would be smoother sailing now. Instead I find myself running on empty yet still trying to run the group and organize the 501c3. It is just way too damned much for one person. Our group has changed a lot in the years – the people who are willing to come to our meetings, are not interested in being volunteers. I’m not spending my time the way I want too. I’m a paper pushing administrator now – not an activist.

I have very clear ideas on what I’d like to focus on this fall…but what about the rest of it? Do I submit my 501c3 form (and the $300 check that goes with it) knowing that we might not even have a group this time next year? Do I suck it up (again!) and just keep at it? Or do I walk away before I go insane…knowing I’ve done a hell of a lot for the cause? I clearly don’t want to end SpeakOUT, but I have to be fair to myself and my family. I’m burned out and I honestly haven’t missed being active this summer. I wonder if anyone even noticed my absence to be truthful. I have a lot of negative feelings toward some of the people involved in the LGBT leadership around town…and that has left me feeling negative sometimes about SpeakOUT. I want to think about me and my needs for a change – yet I feel very selfish doing so.

So I am wrestling with what to do. I keep looking for answers but just seem to find more questions. I’ve talked about it with some others who are in different organizations around town – and they just tell me that they’d hate to see SpeakOUT go away. I know that I have more to do…and I already know where I’d start. But do I really want too? I feel like a fraud when I get letters from strangers telling me how inspiring and wonderful I am - especially since I am so ambivalent lately. To top it all off, I lost a friend because of this. Susie and I had a huge falling out with regards to me wanting to leave the group. I can’t be held hostage to this organization for the entirety of my life – can I? I think I need to remind everyone that every thing that I do with SpeakOUT is as a volunteer. I don’t get paid a penny for the endless list of things that I do as director. That list just seems to get longer and longer too. Haven’t I pulled my share of the load?

I wish I knew what to do. I admit that my pride is at stake here too. I don’t want to be seen as a quitter, or worse, as a failure. I don’t want certain people to think they’ve “won” and succeeded in driving me out either. Fuck – this is all just a crazy mess! I wish I could have a moment of complete clarity and just pick a direction without regrets. Until then, I guess I will just struggle with this every night as I lay in my bed thinking of nothing else.

The biggest surprise this week was that I wrote something new! I sat down to write this blog entry yesterday, but instead I ended up writing a short “episode”. I have wanted to get back to fictional writing for some time now – but I just never did it. I ran into a friend before Pride, who once taught a writing class in which I was enrolled, and I told her how I’d stopped writing. She told me that was a shame because she thought my writing had promise. (No, actually she said it was good.) Ever since that chance meeting, I’ve thought about why I stopped writing and why I should start again. I mean, it must be a good 6 months or longer since I’ve even tried. For no particular reason, I felt compelled to write out a scene yesterday and I went with it. It isn’t very long, but I like it. I think I might even post it here. I’m always talking a good game about my writing but I never put it out there to be judged. So, yes…I’ll post it (look down there!). I welcome your critique.

Come...sit a spell...I want to tell you a story

OK, dear readers...for better or for worst, here is a sample of my long told of hobby - fictional writing! It is the first thing I've written in ages, so please be kind. I know that it sort of starts and stops without telling all its secrets...but really, I like to think that is part of its charm. I'm hoping that by reading this short 'episode' that it would intrigue you to want to read more. Feel free to leave me a comment...perhaps it will encourage me to share more.

*************************************************************************************

“I don’t even know who you are anymore,” stammers Simon.
Martin barely pauses on the sidewalk as he glances darkly at his friend. “Did you ever stop to think that might not be such a bad thing?”
Simon tries to absorb the situation and finds that his feet have suddenly ceased to function. He is momentarily rooted to the spot in dumbfounded astonishment. He watches Martin continue to stride forward, oblivious to the fact that Simon was no longer following beside him. It seems to suit him as Martin continues down the block without so much as glance toward where his friend ought to be.
A dozen responses race through Simon’s mind before he finds his voice. Simon decides to go with the most obvious one. “Of course that would be a bad thing!”
Martin finally slows and turns to look back over his shoulder. Under the light of the street lamp, Martin’s face looks much older. The shadows fall upon him in such a way that Simon might have hesitated to approach him if he were a mere stranger. In fact, he might have even crossed the street just to avoid him.
“Why?” Even before the word was out of his mouth, Martin already regretted using it.
He quickly holds his hand up to interrupt the torrent of reasons that he was sure Simon was about to unleash upon him. “What I mean is – well, the less you know might be better in some circumstances.”
“Since when do we have circumstances in which the other person wouldn’t know about it?”
Unlike himself, Simon was a master at keeping his emotions in check, but Martin could still detect the hurt in his friend’s eyes. Unfortunately, this time couldn’t be helped.
“Simon,” Martin begins with a weary sigh. “What did you think was going to happen after you and Raven jetted off to France to live happily ever after? Did you think that life back here would just magically remain unaltered? Did you think that time would stop and the people you left behind would just stay the same?”
“Of course not,” Simon says as he pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes briefly. The lateness of the hour falls upon him full force at that moment. “What I did expect, however, was to be able to look my best friend in the eye and know I could trust him.”
“And you don’t?”
“ I…I want too.”
“So what’s stopping you?”

Simon leaves the question unanswered; opting to look into Martin’s unwavering stare instead. Sometimes silence is an answer. Martin flinches first. He breaks the standoff as he reaches into his coat pocket for a cigarette. The red glow of the freshly lit cigarette stands out against the stark black night. Martin takes a slow, purposeful drag to settle his nerves before returning his attention to Simon. He isn’t prepared for the look of shear surprise on his friend’s face.
“Since when do you smoke,” Simon asks in a disapproving tone.
“Could we stick to discussing just one of my bad traits at a time,” Martin snaps back in a tone nastier than he intended.
Simon continues to stare at him as if he were a pod person. “You don’t smoke.”
Martin begins to lose his temper. “Seriously?! This is what you want to bitch me out about,” Martin shouts louder than necessary as he waves the cigarette in his friend’s face. “And here I thought you just wanted to call me an untrustworthy liar.”
Simon doesn’t take the bait. He isn’t going to get into a shouting match with Martin. “You are not acting like the Martin Fichaud that I know,” he states in a simple, calm manner.
“That’s probably because that Martin Fichaud only exists in your head,” Martin spat back. “Simon, you never were very good at seeing a person for who they really are. You just see people as you think they ought to be. Well, some of us mere mortals can’t live up to your expectations.”
“Bullshit! Hide behind whatever excuse you want, but you can’t tell me that I don’t know you. I may very well be the only one who really does.”
Martin couldn’t help but laugh. He must have really hit a nerve to make Simon Gentle actually swear. “I think you have that backwards my friend,” he says as he crushes the cigarette beneath his heel.
“Perhaps,” Simon replies. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m wrong. It doesn’t change the fact that I feel like I’m talking to a complete stranger.”
Martin shakes his head. “I can’t help how you feel.”
“Of course you can,” Simon says exasperated. “You can tell me what is going on.”
And there you have it…the conversation had come full circle. “That isn’t something that I can do. You have a wife and a daughter now. You have a whole new life that you need to concentrate on. For better or for worst, my life went on without you here. I have new responsibilities that I have to consider now. Why can’t I get you to understand that I’m trying to be your friend by not involving you?”
“Because I can help you,” Simon pleads. “Just because I don’t live a cab ride away anymore doesn’t mean I don’t still have influence here.”
“But that’s exactly what I don’t want,” Martin fumes. “I don’t want your fingerprints anywhere near this. I need to know that you and Raven are safe a thousand miles away from this shit hole. I need to know that somewhere, someone is living happily ever after.”
“You are a part of our family, Martin. If it was not for you, we would still be here and I don’t even want to think about what would have happened to Faith had we stayed. So how can you ask me to just walk away and forget you?”
“I don’t know, but that’s exactly what you should do.”
“And that is something that I cannot do. I cannot leave you here, alone. This city has too many evils for one man to carry on his shoulders.”
“You don’t give me enough credit, Simon.”
“And you’ve been known to give yourself too much credit. You cannot hope to win whatever fight you are undertaking alone.”
“Wow! Did you ever think about becoming a motivational speaker? Really…this is doing wonders for my morale,” Martin says with a sarcastic grin which Simon knew well.
“I’m just trying to act as the voice of reason. You know I’m right,” Simon concludes soberly.
Martin places his hand softly on his friend’s shoulder. “Always looking out for me, eh?”
“If not me, then who," Simon replies softly.
“It’s not like I don’t appreciate it,” Martin replies with sincerity. “But I still have to tell you to forget about New York and leave things here to me. I can handle it.”
“And when you get caught in over your head?” Simon asks.
“Why would you assume that would even be an issue?”
“Because we are talking about you,” Simon concludes without a hint of humor in his voice.
“I’m not completely alone here, you know,” Martin replies. “I’ve got…people.”
Simon folds his arms stubbornly. “Everyone we both know you can trust is either dead or hundreds of miles away from the city.”
“So you don’t know these people…it doesn’t mean I don’t trust them.” Martin could see the wheels in his friend’s head spinning – trying to calculate who he might be referring too. It was easy to deduce from the sour look of concentration on Simon’s face that nothing logical was surfacing. “Besides, I always can count on Ben to cover my back without a question,” he adds hoping to ease Simon’s worries.
A look of faint displeasure filters over Simon’s face at Ben’s name, but he says nothing.
“I’m not going to change your mind, am I?”
Martin glances at his watch: 4:20 A.M. “Not tonight.”
Simon faces toward the direction of the hotel once again. He is tired and he is losing this conversation. “This isn’t the last of this discussion, you know?”
Martin looks up into the early morning sky and smiles tiredly. “Of course it isn’t.”
Simon reaches over and lifts the package of Winston’s out of Martin’s coat. “Now about these things…”

I Want to Believe...that there is a better X-Files movie out there!

Last night my mother took me to see the latest (and hopefully not last) X-Files movie, The X-Files: I Want to Believe. As a hardcore fan, I was very excited about the release of this film. After many years in legal limbo, we were finally going to get a new Mulder & Scully fix!

Unfortunately, I must agree with the lukewarm reviews the film has been receiving. This film is definitely a must-see for fans only. Creator Chris Carter claims this “stand alone” film can be enjoyed by anyone, but if you are not familiar with the series then you will miss out on many enjoyable references to the show’s glory days. There are many Easter Eggs throughout the film for keen observers – a victim’s car has the license plate: Roxwell; and Mulder’s cell phone lists “Gillian” as one of his stored numbers to list two examples.

Carter wanted to make a film which did not deal with The X-Files’ mythology, so I Want to Believe (IWTB) doesn’t have a single extra-terrestrial element…other than one of the new FBI agents mentioning Mulder’s sister’s abduction by “E.T.” I didn't mind this concept in theory - after all some of my favorite episodes were stand alones. However, this film doesn't make the cut. Don’t head into the theatre hoping to get closure on any of the questions that the series left open in its final season. Although there is a very brief discussion between Mulder & Scully about son William, IWTB doesn’t deliver any new information on that topic either. Missing too are familiar faces from the show – like the Lone Gunmen. The film runs on a snail’s pace and never fully develops a villain whom the audience feels threatened by or even scared of frankly.

The good news is that Duchovny and Anderson have no trouble bringing Mulder & Scully back – including their great chemistry which made them so spellbinding. As a fan, I was easily swept up in every moment the two shared on screen. That’s why it’s too bad that they are rarely in the same scene save for a handful of moments. They are both older and their characters have matured with time – but it’s still Mulder & Scully up there and I’d pay to see that anytime.

Warning – if you are a “noromo” X-Files fan (that’s code for ‘No Romance’ over on the X-Files community board), you’ll probably hate this film. Being a “shipper” (as in Relationship supporter between Mulder & Scully) since the first season, I was finally rewarded during this film. SPOLIER ALERT! It turns out that though they are not married, they have been living together for the past six years. You get to see them as a couple finally. She tells him that she loves him and they share many hand holding, kissy-face moments. Swoon!

I really wanted this film to succeed, but I’m not sure it will be the commercial success that 20th Century Fox will want in order to make more X-Files films. There were only about 30 people at the screening we went to last night (and this was opening night!). My mother was very disappointed in the movie. While I wasn’t buzzing with excitement as we left the theatre, I wouldn’t say it was a bad movie. It is worth seeing and fans of the show will leave wanting more. The truth is still out there and I hope, if they get the chance, that they will make the movie everyone was hoping this one would be.

Weird Al...still rocking my world!

(Part 2 of 2...)

As if that was not enough excitement for one day: an hour after the film let out, we dropped the kids off at Grandma’s house and headed over to the LC to catch Weird Al Yankovic’s concert. We really lucked out. Brian actually won (or to be more accurate; begged the DJ until he gave us) two tickets from 105.7, so the concert was free! Since Brian’s new job is really close by, we even managed to park for free too. Bonus! It didn’t matter though because we were not going to miss seeing Weird Al.

After seeing him at the Ohio State Fair with Jessie last summer, my dormant love for Al has been reclaimed. I can’t say enough good things about him as a musician or as a person. I am one of his close, personal MySpace friends, you know. LOL No really…I listen to his stuff all the time and drive Brian crazy with my Al-obsession. I really wanted Brian to go see him with me this time so he could share in my love. Al didn’t disappoint. The show was great – despite it being an outdoor concert on a slightly too small stage for his production. Once again, my face actually hurt from smiling and laughing so much all night! :o)

Even though this was the same tour that I saw last summer, he switched up the line-up a bit and added a few new numbers which was nice. My favorite addition was “Wanna B Yur Lvr.” He came out dressed up like a pimp, Mac-Daddy in this bright red suit with shiny white shoes and a wild print scarf! The song is basically a ton of really bad pick-up lines and Al sang it with smarmy zeal. He even came down into the reserved seats and sang to a bunch of very lucky ladies. We all ate it up, of course. All I could do was watch from the cheap seats…oh how I wish he could have shaken his money maker at me! LOL

Speaking of his money-maker…I noticed that he seemed to be very self-conscious about his weight. He was always pulling down/smoothing his shirt down over his stomach and butt…a mannerism I know all too well, because I do it myself all the time. While it did look like he might have put on a few extra pounds during his hiatus from touring, I thought he looked just fine. It really made me feel sad though because if there was anywhere he should feel great about himself, it is on stage in front of hundreds of people who adore him. I know that the chances of Al actually reading this blog are like a zillion to one – but just in case: Al, we love you for who you are - just as you are. I guess even celebrities have the same body image worries as us every day folk.

We waited for about an hour after the show hoping to meet him in person, but we didn’t have any luck. I did meet a lot of very scary Weird Al fanatics though…including this one man who wears a pair of heart boxers on his head to every show. Some of these people practically stalk him around the country! (Yes…Weird Al has groupies! LOL) I love the guy…but apparently not like these people do. Freaky! One very nice girl took some great photos of him and promised to send me some – so I’ll share if she delivers.

I did happen to run into a girl I used to game with and she told me that our mutual friend, Julia, is expecting her second baby! That was very surprising news. I’m really happy for her because Julia and Thad are great parents…having one more was certainly in the stars for them. Plus, if this baby is half as cute as their daughter Ari – well, the world should just be so lucky!

So that was my big 12th anniversary. It was perfect for a kooky couple like Brian and I.

Dark Knight...as awesome as you've heard

Sunday was my 12th Wedding Anniversary...and it was da’ bomb! In one day, I got to see both the new Batman movie AND Weird Al in concert. I was in geek heaven! Mock me if you must – but I couldn’t have asked for a better anniversary. We didn’t bother with cards or gifts; instead we hit the movie, stopped by Hoggy’s BBQ for some killer wings and then headed off to the concert at the LC. Do we know how to romance it up or what? LOL

Even though we really couldn’t afford it, we took the kids to see “The Dark Knight.” (At least we went to a matinee and saved a bunch of money. FYI: Movie’s 10 at Westpoint in Hilliard is the cheapest theatre in Columbus for first-run matinee films at $3.50 a ticket.) Truthfully, I just couldn’t wait one more moment to see it. I mean, I’m one of those freaks who gladly crowd the theatre at midnight to be among the first to see a new movie. I’ve been following the progress of this film since they announced the cast. I can still remember how excited I was while watching the first trailer when it leaked over the internet MONTHS ago! So the fact that I had to wait until Sunday to see it nearly sent me over the edge. Seriously!

The first thing you should know about Dark Knight, is that it lives up to all the hype. It really is as good as you hear…probably better. I wanted to watch it again the moment it ended. At 2 ½ hours in length, I admit that it could have been edited slightly but it isn’t until the last 20 minutes that you even start to notice that you’ve lost all feeling in your ass. Don’t get the large drink…you will not want to miss a moment of the movie to run to the bathroom.

The second thing I feel obligated to say is that Heath Ledger’s portrayal of The Joker is as mesmerizing as you’ve heard. I must admit that I was skeptical. When I initially heard that he had been cast as The Joker, I thought is was a huge mistake. Although I am a fan of some of his films (namely Brokeback Mountain), I also remember some of his not so flattering films (namely A Knight's Tale). I really enjoyed Batman Begins and felt let down by Ledger being cast in such an important role in the sequel. Recently, I was once again skeptical over all this “Oscar” talk for his performance. I figured the praise was coming more from the fact that Ledger had died prior to the film’s release and not from his actual performance. Had he not passed away, I figured there would be no way that the Academy would even look at this film. But I am here to say: I was wrong. Ledger deserves every praise and accolade that they can bestow upon him for his role in The Dark Knight. His performance is so stellar that if you didn’t already know it was him, that you would never guess it. You don’t see Heath Ledger the actor on that screen – you see The Joker. His voice, his mannerisms and posture – it was all seamless perfection. He made The Joker his own creation, without stealing from previous actor’s who also portrayed the character. Ledger was so good that his performance over-shadowed every other character – including Bale’s Batman. It made me grieve anew for the loss Ledger. He certainly left us all a wonderful gift before he left though.

I’m probably biased about my love for Ledger’s Joker, however. The first time I heard him say, “Why so serious?” chills went down my arms! In my own ‘fictional land,’ Benjamin would often say, in his own sing-song way: “So serious…” to Martin. I’ve never been able to shake that sense of de ja vu from my head. I’ve noticed other similarities between Ledger’s Joker and my Ben as well…even though Ben was fleshed-out long before The Dark Knight came around. It makes me miss Benjamin and Marty’s adventures. I really should write again.

I was also impressed with Aaron Eckhart’s performance as Harvey Dent/Two-Face. I’m a fan of Eckhart’s work (especially in Thank You for Smoking) and was interested in what he might bring to the film. He delivers a solid, intriguing performance. It’s almost too bad that they put Two-Face and The Joker in one film because Eckhart’s Two-Face was good enough to be billed as the main adversary to Batman in a separate film. The make-up job on Two-Face was awesome too. My kids hid their eyes every time they showed it – so you know it rocked!

Lost in the wake of two such powerful performances is Christian Bale’s Bruce Wayne/Batman. I really think that Bale makes an excellent Batman (although top honors must go to Michael Keaton), so I was disappointed to see his character(s) take a back seat in this film. At times it felt like Batman was a secondary character in his own film. Bale’s performance of Bruce Wayne wasn’t as much fun this time around and Batman’s voice was a bit too Dirty Harry for me. Even his new bat gadgets and outfit were not that interesting. Also wasted was Maggie Gyllenhaal’s talent. I was disappointed that she wasn’t really given a chance to shine in her rather reserved role. (Maggie made my girl-crush list after seeing her in Secretary…so I was really happy to see her replace Katie Holmes in this film.)

I’d love to hear what you thought of the movie…leave me a comment if you’ve seen it. Also, was I the only one to laugh out loud when L. Fox tells Bruce Wayne that his new body armor would ‘hold up against a cat’? I thought this was a clever (and clearly intentional) wink and nod to a future appearance from Cat Woman. Did you make that connection too? I think the next film would be a good opportunity for them to introduce Cat Woman – although I am skeptical who they could cast in the role. No one will be able to beat Michelle Phiffer‘s Cat Woman in my opinion. She was purrfect! LOL

(Part 1 of 2...)

Losing My Religion...the Freshwater Fiasco

Have any of you been following the news regarding the Mt. Vernon “science teacher” John Freshwater? A couple of days ago Fox “News” covered a story regarding his disciplinary hearing (for basically not teaching his students the approved curriculum, branding kids with crosses and promoting intelligent design). A large group of “concerned citizens” showed up to support this idiot! Fox was there to give these nut jobs their 15 minutes of fame and allow them to speak on camera about how terrible it is that the board has decided to fire Freshwater. The Columbus Dispatch has been printing pro-Freshwater letters to the editor as well. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, of course, but this issue has just about pushed me over the edge. When did everyone just lose their minds in this country?

Yes, dear readers, this is going to be one of those soap box ranting posts. Turn back now if you don’t want to hear me out…

The last letter to the editor that I read was from a doctor. Apparently, in his mind, any one who is foolish enough to have been brain-washed into believing that evolution is a sound scientific fact (technically, it’s a theory…but I digress) is not only wrong but (get this!) an atheist as well! I was incredibly offended by this man’s declaration…and greatly concerned that such a man is an accredited doctor somewhere.

Having spent the last five years being spit on and judged by the “good Christians” of central Ohio for my support of equal treatment of LGBT individuals, I shouldn’t be surprised by these (and other) comments regarding Freshwater. Yet the very idea that ‘buying-into the liberal fantasy of evolution’ made me an atheist in someone else’s eyes upsets me beyond reason. I want to be clear: I’m not upset because I think being an atheist is just terrible and I wouldn’t want to be called one. Truthfully, I have more than a few friends who are atheist and I feel that is their own personal decision. I think what upsets me is the endless ways the extreme conservative Christians judge anyone who isn’t lock and step with them. I feel like I am a good person. I know I am a Christian, and I have accepted Jesus as my personal savior. I believe in God. So I am tired of the judgment. I’m tired of not being the “right kind of Christian.” I am weary of the whole damned thing to be frank!

Looking back at this year’s Pride Parade, I realized that it wasn’t the “God Hates Fags” protestors which disgusted me. (I mean, I know they are going to be there and I know they are just pathetically wrong.) It was this one man standing along High Street who was wearing a t-shirt from the Creationist Museum in KY which really pissed me off. I took one look at that man and immediately told him that evolution exists and that the museum was a fraud. And I was angry when I did it! Even now I am not sure why I responded so negatively to him. Another man had directly attacked me, on a bullhorn no less, for marching in the parade with my children. He called me a bad mother. He claimed I wanted to raise “little homosexuals”. I let his words roll off my back…but I freaked out over a stupid creationism t-shirt!

I should disclose my own beliefs about this topic: For reasons which only make sense to me, I believe in a little of both. I feel evolution is real and has been proven time and again through scientific discoveries. I do not feel any revulsion that man is related in someway to apes. Yet, I still think that the spark of life was more than a ‘big bang’. I feel that someone/thing higher than us had a hand in it. Why do we take the whole life/Earth was created in six-days story so literally? A day may not mean 24 hours…perhaps it was decades or more. So, there’s my two cents. I believe both sides have some of it right. I'm sure I'll be flooded with comments from both sides on how this can't possibly be a sound belief - but it's what I'm sticking with until further notice.

As for Freshwater? In my opinion, the man has no place in a public school. He is (and has been for years) teaching his own religious beliefs as fact to students. (He posted the 10 Commandments on the door to his class room!) I could care less if he has a bible on his desk, but he is not following the curriculum. By bringing religion into the classroom, he is endangering future financial support for his public school by ignoring the rules. Teachers in the next grade levels have had to “re-teach” his students! What more needs to be said about him? He is unfit to serve as a science teacher. (Perhaps he would be more useful in a philosophy class?) If he wants to teach intelligent design, he can – in a private school. If parents want their children to be taught this principle, they can send them to Sunday school at whichever church they attend. They can also teach them this concept in their own homes. They can also choose to send them to a private religious school – and get a voucher to do it. People need to get over this “they are trying to take God out of school” idea and look at this issue with sanity. Public school means the public attends it and funds it…and that means people who are not Christians (and therefore do not believe in Christianity) attend and fund it. Should these people have to pay for Freshwater’s views? Are their rights/beliefs less important because they are the minority? I guess that question could apply to many other issues.

When I decided five years ago to come out as a vocal supporter of equal rights for LGBT people, I never knew how it would affect me. I have difficulty not judging “church people” as the enemy. I feel like I am having a crisis of faith. Why would a loving God allow his followers to act so hatefully? Why would my fellow Christians spend so much energy (and money) working against the very things I am drawn to protect? Can there really be two kinds of Christians? Who is to say which one is the “right one”? It makes me very sad (and tired) to feel this way all the time. Yet open any paper – or turn on any TV – and this issue is there in your face. You can’t escape it. So how do you deal with it?

I try to remind myself that these rabid conservatives are a minority of people – who get the majority of attention because of wealth, connections and being “in vogue” with the trends in our country these past eight years. I try to remind myself that most people do not feel this way. These are extreme cases, but the path I chose to walk brings me in contact with them more than an average person. I try to remind myself that there are many good, caring Christians who believe what I believe. Still…I feel like I am losing this battle and that I’m losing my connection with God because of it.

Another secret...

I can sooo relate to this person's secret. I resisted being put on anti-depression drugs for as long as I could. Finally, I had to give in for the sake of my family. Yet, here it is years later and I'm still on them and I'm not all that happier. I am "better" - but not "cured". I'm afrid I'll always be on them. I'm afraid of what those pills are doing to my brain and my body. I'm afraid I'll never be able to function without them again.

Depression sucks....

Back From Vacation...

Last week I went on a mini-vacation to western Pennsylvania…to be more exact, we returned to the Somerset area in the Laurel Highlands. It was just my mother, the two kids and I. Brian had to stay home because he couldn’t get vacation time yet and we couldn’t afford him to go without pay. We all felt terrible that it worked out that way, and I missed him like crazy for those 3 ½ days, but in the end I think perhaps he got the better part of the deal anyhow. He got to get away from ALL of us and come home and do whatever he wanted. No stress. Just freedom – well, he did have to take care of the animals. I, on the other hand, got to “get away from it all” with my mother and two children. The same two children I haven’t had a break from in over a month and a half (we are talking 24/7 here)…and the same mother whom I love, but often want to strangle. So I guess it is up to your point of view which of us ended up with the better deal.

The trip went fairly well, although I was a bit under the weather for most of it. My stomach seemed determined to stay upset for the entire trip…but lots of Pepto pills and small meals seemed to help some. We took the kids back to Idlewild Amusement and Water Park in Ligonier, PA. They had a blast, although since this was the second trip in as many years, the magic had dulled a bit since the initial trip in 2007.

Brandon was a daredevil and rode all the roller coasters and every single water slide in sight. That kid has no fear. I was watching him go down these crazy slides and I realized how much I admired him for his bravery and willingness to try anything once. He attacks life at full force. Once back in the car, however, he snuggled in the back seat with his new stuffed (yet amazingly life-like) wiener dog who he named Huckleberry. I love that about him too. I love his sweetness and childlike wonder – he isn’t afraid to live in his fantasy world and invite you in to join him. He has a fantastic imagination and an endless curiosity about the world we live in. I wonder how many more months (years) I have left with this little boy – before he morphs into a pre-teen?

Speaking of pre-teens…Meaghan came out of her shell a bit during the vacation. Normally shy around strangers, she introduced herself to three girls about her age at the swimming pool in out hotel. They formed an immediate bond and spent the next hour or so immersed in dares, swimming tricks and giggles. I watched from afar and didn’t try to embarrass her. I decided to be a “cool mom” and I let her stay and extra half-an-hour while I took Brandon back to the room to get changed for bed. (Of course, this little move made me a “meanie” in Brandon’s opinion.) I further upped my cool factor by allowing her to meet up with her friends in the lobby for another hour. I still don’t think she can believe I said yes. At the next hotel in Pittsburg, she struck up a one-on-one conversation with a cute boy in that pool. They wadded along the side of the pool and talked forever. I tried not to spy – but was secretly proud of her. I looked at her and noticed that she wasn’t a little girl anymore. Like it or not, she looked much older and it was time for me to treat her that way too.

We ended our time in Pittsburgh. I took the kids on their first-ever subway ride. Meaghan stood up the whole time and held onto the rail. She declared that she was ready to live in NYC and oohed and ahhed as we approached each stop. Eight minutes later we were back at the station…the two of them old-pros by then.

I also took them to the top of Mt. Washington by using the tram – another first. Brandon loved it – Meaghan was scared to death. It was a bittersweet trip for me. I took them to the very spot where, 12 years earlier, Brian had proposed to me. I always thought if I would come back to that place that it would be with him. Of course, everywhere I looked, I saw lovely couples that day – well, screw them! LOL I drew a heart with our initials on the post (in crayon…it will wash away, so don’t narc on me!). I really missed him that day. Later, I took the kids on a surprise trip back downtown! They were in their pajamas – their hair still wet from the pool – but I piled them into the car and drove them to see “the real city”. They squealed in delight when we came around the bend at saw Pittsburgh all lit up. I drove them up Mt. Washington this time and we all admired the view. My mother…long asleep in the hotel room…missed out on our secret adventure.

The last day of our vacation, we took the kids to the Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh. I can’t say it was the better of the two choices (the other being the Carnegie Museum of Science), but the kids loved it. They had a fantastic time creating art and climbing up the “limb bender” which is best described as a human ant farm which reaches three floors.

It was while we were at the museum that I noticed a phenomenon I like to call “new parent bliss”. Brandon and I were in the water room. He was making whirl pools at this big water table and I was just trying to not get drenched. I watched this family near us – a young, affluent husband and wife and their single ‘adorable’ offspring. They were so in love with this child (who was probably not quite two) that it oozed off of them and made them all look like a Hallmark commercial. Every movement this child made was watched in awe and celebrated. She splashed her tiny hand in the water! Thrilling!! Take a photo!! She pushed a boat! No other child had ever done that in the history of children! Quick! Take another photo!!

Their special moment reminded me of a quote I had read recently by a new celebrity mom who claimed to have developed the kind of “mad crush” on her newborn that was “like a first-love to a 13 year-old.” Her whole existence revolved happily around her tiny new baby. I’m not pointing fingers – Brian and I was the same when Meaghan first came into our lives. We have the video footage of her sleeping in her swing to prove it!

I’m not sure when this “phenomenon” wears off, but it does eventually. I looked around the room at the other families. Those with children a year (or more) older than the little girl I mentioned did not have that new baby shine. The parents looked like I felt…tired and running in five directions at once. The camera was tucked away in a pocket and they were just trying to keep junior from dumping a whole bucket of water on his sister’s head. The “blissful sheen” was gone. I watched the Hallmark family a little longer and felt a bit of sadness. I mourned the loss of that new parent sheen.

Anyhow…we returned safe and sound in time to celebrate the fourth of July with Brian.

Oh! Before I forget…we also stopped along the route to Pittsburgh to see the “World’s Largest Big Mac”! LOL Apparently the Big Mac was created in Uniontown, PA. It was a pretty huge statue of a Big Mac. The restaurant had a Big Mac museum too. (If you click on the link - it will take you to a flicker book of photos!)It was cool seeing all the old Big Mac sandwich containers again. :o) My dad would be proud to know I am continuing the tradition of dragging your kids to see the “World’s Biggest” whatever. Hey! I had to see a ball of yarn, tire and statue of Paul Bunyan!

I hope you all had a nice holiday!