Mr. Brooks - Hey...it didn't suck!

I spent the better part of the afternoon watching the 2007 release: Mr. Brooks. It had received a mix bag of reviews, and it didn't exactly light up the box offices...but I like Kevin Costner (usually) so I picked it up at the library. Brian usually likes serial killer movies, but he decided to pass on watching this one with me. Big mistake! It was actually quite good - filled with lots of twists and suspense, plus it was well acted by its big name cast (even by Dane Cook - shocking, I know!). I had planned on just watching it as I cleaned...not expecting to really like it...but I sat on the couch and watched the whole damned thing!

SPOILERS AHEAD....if you do plan on watching it, please read no further....

I heard a lot of people who reviewed this film complain of not liking William Hurt portraying Mr. Brooks psycho-killer personality in the flesh, but I thought that part was great. It is tricky to portray the inner thoughts of a killer on film...either the guy just talks to himself like a nut-job, or they do some weird camera angle/focus or dream sequence. I liked the idea of another person playing his murderous alter-ego and being present throughout the film. It was quite like a book that way. Plus I got a kick out of the scenes when Mr. Brooks stops fighting his inner-voice and the two cackle together gleefully - now that was just flat out nuts!

My only complaint about the movie is the ending. After a terrific climax of all the pieces of the film coming together, they went and ruined the perfect ending. When Mr. Brooks kisses his daughter's cheek and she stabs him in the throat with the shears - holy fuck! THAT was a surprise! There he is dead on her bed and she calmly pulls his bloody glasses off and puts them on...the transition complete...but then they go an ruin it with it all being a dream! What a let down. They should have kept it to the bedroom murder scene and then pulled the camera back revealing William Hurt's character standing behind HER! Fade to black...perfect! Or it might have worked better if the murder dream had been his daughters and not his! Regardless, they dropped the ball on the ending.

If you have seen the movie - let me know what you thought (especially about the ending).

Night ramblings...

I should be sleeping - but instead I find myself here on the computer at nearly two in the morning. I have felt stressed out all day. In fact, I wish I could have stayed in bed instead of facing the day. I just wanted to be in silence, tucked in my warm bed. I just feel empty, alone and so damned tired inside. I've been having nightmares all week. My dreams are full of stressful encounters and conflict.

Ever since Brian started work this past Tuesday, I've been really depressed. I miss having him here with me...and even though I now have my life back to the way it was before (more or less), it just seems bleaker than ever. It doesn't help that I haven't had a break from the kids since 3/20 because of Spring Break. To hell with water boarding - put the terriorists in a room with two squabbling siblings for 24 hours straight and they will tell you anything just to get away!

I did something fairly huge yesterday - I created an email account for Brian. This may not seem like much, but he hasn't had a private email account for well over a year - not since I found out he was have a psuedo-affair online. Although it never amounted to a real life encounter, it devastated me and shattered my ability to trust him. I yanked his account as part of our agreement to 'try' and rebuild our relationship.

Well, since being laid off he hasn't had his own email account at all, and his new job doesn't give out email access to employees per the company policy. Long story short: that means that if someone from his old job wants to send him an email, they have to send it to our family email account. He seemed OK with this - but I felt weird whenever he'd get a personal email. I felt like I was spying on him, or acting like his mother by telling him he had an email. It just felt wrong. I felt like I was treating him like a child and not as an adult. So I decided the time had come to set up an account for him.

I'm worried now that I shouldn't have done it though. Brian hasn't given me reason to think he cannot be trusted since that incident...but am I playing with fire? When I gave it to him, I half expected it to be a big emotional thing. Yet he barely even acknowledged it - which miffed me. The truth is that I am not 100% able to trust him still. One of the reasons I decided to do this was because I found myself getting upset whenever former female co-workers would write to him. He really never mentioned these people in all the time he worked there - yet here they are writing to him! I know I'm being unreasonable though to suspect any wrong-doings, so I think that I'd just rather not know about it than worry for no good reason. Plus it keeps me from being tempted to peek at those emails - which is wrong too. What am I doing? Why do I act like this? The bottom line is that he has a right to privacy, and now he has it. I just hope I don't live to regret it.

We watched "Once" tonight. I was a nice, simple little film filled with good music. Overall I felt it was a sad sort of movie...but I guess it is all in how you look at it. I'm definitely going to get the soundtrack. I'd recommend it. Anyhow - tomorrow the kids go back to class and Brian goes to work. I have things to do, but I feel like it will turn out to be a lazy, feeling sorry for myself kind of day. It's late and I need to go try to sleep.

Side Note: I'm sorry that everyone seems to be so worried about the Love Fish at Cherry Valley Lodge. I honestly thought they would bring a smile to people's faces. The Lodge doesn't point them out, or really even make any mention of them. They are in big tank mixed in with other fish near the pub and we just happened to see them during one of our visits. The employees didn't even really know how they get the writing on them - though "tatoo" is probably the best explanation. However it happens it certainly isn't a natural occurance.

All I can say is that our family just loves seeing them - and I think they are adorable. They seem to have nice lives at the lodge; they are well taken care of , fed regularly and live in a huge tank. People who see them love them. I am against harming animals though - and it wasn't my intention to act carelessly by posting the video.

Too Cute Not to Share...

I took this mini-video when I was at the Cherry Valley Lodge. You just have to see these adorable fish! The last time we saw them, they were babies...

Apparently, they add the words with some sort of ink which is permanent. I worried that it was painful for the fish - but I still think it is so cool. I pointed them out to two girls looking at the aquarium and they freaked out! LOL They ran off to tell their parents - but they didn't believe them.

So here's the lesson - give your kids the benefit of the doubt! They might be telling the truth! You might also miss out on something cute!

I'll write more soon.

Take me away...

Happy Easter to everyone! Well, the family and I are off on a 24 hour spring break get-away to the Cherry Valley Lodge in Newark, OH. (Check out the gorgeous lobby!) We are celebrating Brian's last day being unemployed - he ended up at Atlas afterall. We are celebrating my son's eighth birthday (which is tomorrow). We are celebrating the fact that we will not be in Columbus for a whole day - lol!

We surprised the kids this morning - they are thrilled! We all love CVL. We got such a great deal online too - $99 for all of us plus water park passes. Oh yea - there is a very nice indoor water park there too. Did I forget to mention that? The attached photo is of our favorite tube slide - but the kids aren't mine. :o) Tonight we will stick with the pool/hot tub that is just for hotel guests. Tomorrow we will hit the water park until we are big soggy wrinkles.

So -I'll write more when we get back tomorrow evening. Enjoy the holiday with friends and family if it is your custom to do so. We are off to my Mom's for ham and all the fixins before we drive to Newark.

Oh - if you love those crazy Peeps made into art - check out this link: http://www.yumsugar.com/1137185

Luck of the Irish...

Happy St. Patrick's Day! It feels like I'm carrying around a four-leaf clover because today has turned out to be a nice one. First, I survived my second trip to the dentist. I cannot tell you how long it had been since I last went in for a cleaning...years! Yet, after all the x-rays were developed the only two cavities that I have were two I already knew about. Whew! I was surprised...and happy to finally get my teeth cleaned.

Second, I got home around 2PM and found a big surprise waiting for me in the mailbox...my letter of incorporation had arrived from the Secretary of State's office! Yep, that means SpeakOUT is legally and officially a domestic non-profit organization according to the state of Ohio. What a journey! I was really proud of myself holding that certificate in my hands. Now I have to apply to be classified as a 501c3 with the IRS and then people can donate money to us and get a tax deduction...and boy do we need money!

Last, Brian and I just got back from Dave & Busters. He has been acting really down ever since Friday, so I surprised him by running a couple of mundane errands first and then pulling into D&B parking lot! I had a game card loaded with $20 in chips just sitting in my wallet - so we ate some chips and he got a couple of beers. We spent the better part of the next hour blasting away the walking dead in the best damned video game out there - House of the Dead. We LOVE that game - version 2 (or is it 3) with the shotguns. Man, I would love to have one of those games in my house. Then we played skee-ball and old games like Donkey Kong. It was a nice little adults only afternoon away from the kids and house chores. I think Brian really appreciated getting out and doing something fun.

D&B Hottie Alert!! Notice to all my single readers: our bartender, whose name is Ellis, was a total hottie. He serves drinks at the Midway Bar at the D&B in Hilliard. Ellis is about 6 feet tall and was athletically built. I love guy's backs and his looked muscle-licious even with a shirt on. LOL He has dark hair (clean cut with a trim beard) dark eyes and glasses. He was all sorts of yummy. Nice smile too! So go out there and get some of that - and then share all the details with me. :o)

Hope you all are feeling lucky today too! Cheers!

Don't just stand there - do something!

Yesterday's meeting went better than I anticipated. I didn't go in there with my gun's blazing...instead I laid my problems out there in a calm way before handing the majority of the meeting over to our members. I stepped out of the room, leaving them with 5 questions to discuss, and an hour later they were all still talking. A success! I think we are all on the same page now - they know my expectations (and obstacles) and I know theirs. It was exactly what we both needed. Unfortunately, it made me miss my yoga class. I guess I'll have to try to do the little I've learned on my own until next week's fix.

We found out on Friday that Franklin will not be able to give Brian an offer until maybe the middle of this week. I could tell Brian was totally disappointed. I was disappointed too. Why can't they just do it?! I know Brian wants to work for them...but it is looking like he will end up at Atlas. He is going to speak with them tomorrow. We should be jumping up and down over this...he has a job! It just doesn't feel like something to celebrate though. I know Brian didn't want to end up there - mainly because he will have to deal with EMH&T a lot there. His old company is a client of Atlas. I feel badly for Brian...yet we both know he needs to accept the offer in the wake of no offers from the other two places.

This morning I was reading the Sunday paper and I realized that I have a rather morbid habit of reading the obituaries. Well, I don't exactly read them - I scan each entry for the age of the deceased. In fact, I pay little attention to the names of the people but note the age range of the dead...lots of younger people (under 30) this morning. I also get really annoyed when they don't reveal the cause of death. This led me to tell Brian that when I die, I want him to put right in the first paragraph my age and cause of death - none of this "called back to the Lord" nonsense either. I wonder if anyone else does this?

In case you didn't hear: How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory and Two and a Half Men are all brand-spanking new tomorrow. I'm not really a fan of the last show - but Brian watches it whenever Heroes isn't on. I also read that they are moving House to Mondays beginning April 28th.

I'm not sure what we are doing today. I thought about going the International Car Show downtown...today is the last day. I wanted to see all the new fancy cars - including the cool new "Transformer" car. There is an Easter Egg Hunt with JDRF too. Hell, maybe I'll just stay in my pajamas. LOL

Hope you all have an easy Sunday kind of morning...

Open wide!

As part of our mad scramble to get as much done as we can before our insurance runs out at the end of this month, our whole family went to the dentist: all in the past 24 hours. Seriously!

I finally sucked it up and went in to get my cracked tooth repaired. It wasn't that bad, but now half my face is swollen and numb. I elected to return next week for a cleaning as well. I might as well since it won't cost me anything.

The kids and Brian all got cleanings too. Brian has a cavity and Meaghan needs two baby teeth pulled because they refuse to come out and the adult teeth are already in too! She is NOT happy. They gave me a prescription to "calm" her before she will visit...but I warned them about her habit of kicking and punching people who give her shots (like for the flu). Her dentist called it a challenge - in my head, I called him a fool! We will see...

Anyway - every time I go to the dentist it reminds me of that movie, Little Shop of Horrors, where Steve Martin plays a deranged dentist! LOL Do you remember that? If not, check out a clip on You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=On3mrKW-Nk0

We are awaiting an important call from Franklin about Brian's job. He went back for a second interview this week and the person who would be his boss told him that he wants him to work for them...however, they are still trying to make the financial part work. They told Brian that he hoped to have an offer by today. I hope that is true. We still haven't told Atlas yes or no yet to their offer, and I am sure they will not wait much longer. Besides that, I am getting worried about money. I see it ticking away (co-pays and groceries and fuel!) and not much is coming back in. Nervous is the key word for today!

I'm very discouraged about my group. I cannot seem to motivate the members to act or volunteer like I used too. Heck, I cannot even get them to reply to an email! Even though I am damned proud of the hard work that I've put into the past two monthly meetings, it doesn't seem to be the answer. So I think I'm pulling a "Ken Hitchcock" tomorrow.

If you follow Columbus sports, you'll likely know what I mean. Ken Hitchcock is the coach for the Columbus Blue Jackets. Following a slide in wins and with no ambition in sight, he ordered all the players in for a team practise and then threw down the keys/play book. He threw his hands into the air and said, have at it! I have no more ideas and I cannot play for you. We need leadership out there and team work - figure it out! That is where I am. I can only coach so far.

Thank goodness tomorrow is Yoga. I need a zen break!

Celeb PSA on Hate Crimes...

Celebs Speak Out on Hate

In a recent video created for Logo, T.R. Knight, Janet Jackson and Ashanti are among the many celebs showing their support in a new anti-hate video, shortly after the much scrutinized murder of Lawrence King. King, only 15-years-old, was found dead last month after a student allegedly shot him because he was gay.Go to the video close-up now.more Celebrities >

Add your name to the Victory Fund's open letter to Rep. Sally Kern, click here: http://www.hrcactioncenter.org/ct/u1a_pgY1hE30/.

Take Action - Stop the Violence!

OK Rep. Sally Kern's Anti-Gay Remarks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFxk7glmMbo

If you haven't heard what (R-Oklahoma City) Rep. Sally Kern thinks of homosexuals - please watch the video which was distributed on You Tube by the Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund. Rep. Kern admits that the voice you will hear is hers and that she stands by her statements without apology.

Then head over to www.News9.com to learn more and to contact Rep. Kern with your thoughts. Visit the comments section - a large portion of the people replying are applauding Rep. Kern's actions and words. These people think they represent all straight Christians! It is crucial that we condemn those who would not consider this women's remarks as hate speech.

Outrageous hate speech delivered by a public servant should not be tolerated!

Get educated...Get active...

Snow as far as the eye can see...

OK - I'm trying to add a video to my blog for the first time. I hope it works. Please forgive the crazy camera angles - we were using my daughter's RCA Small Wonders camcorder to tape this and it is still new to me. I'll do better in the future.

I can hardly believe all the snow we've gotten here in Columbus. It is a real actual snowfall - not the light dusting we normally call a snowfall. We've gotten about 15" so far with more falling. I haven't seen snow like this since I was a kid living in North Bay, Ontario or Calumet, MI. It actually made me really happy to be out there in it. I happily darted out there to shovel the drive. (Being much older now - my body is reminding me that I'm no longer a kid now. LOL) Some people were out on the roads four-wheeling...it looked like fun.

I wanted to make sure the kids got out in this...it may be the only time they see real snow. I took the video for proof when they are much older. Besides, I have many happy memories of snow filled days as a kid on my sled or building forts. By the time I would come inside, I would literally have icicles hanging off my eye lashes and eye brows! (Seriously!) I want my kids to have memories like that. So we shoveled, but we also had a big snow fight!

Being out there reminded me a lot of my Dad. He and I would be out there shoveling away while Mom and Mindy (our dog) snuggled inside. Once we had so much snow in MI that I could sled off my roof! It was as awesome as it sounds.

I know this snow is a pain in the ass - but try to look at it through the eyes of child. I can't wait to take the kids sledding tomorrow.

Seeking Clarity...

The title to this photo was labeled "confusion." That pretty much sums up what is going on inside my head these days. Maybe it is just stress but I cannot seem to make a decision - about anything. Considering that my entire family counts on me to make all the decisions...well, you can see my problem.

Brandon's birthday is the 24th of this month and I don't know what to do about it. It is the day after Easter this year and during spring break at school - which means his friends may be out of town! I can't seem to organize my thoughts enough to even pick a day to have his party, let alone the theme or the location. Hell, I'm even having a hard time just deciding on his present this year. Unlike his sister, Brandon isn't the type to really ask for much. He just shrugs his shoulders. The bad part is that my mother will soon want to know what to buy him too - and how am I supposed to tell her when I don't even know? Don't even get me started about Easter.

I'm also drawing a big fat blank regarding what topic I should address at this month's SpeakOUT meeting as well. I've been working extra hard on making the meetings more focused and interesting - but this month it is like I hit a brick wall. I feel like a sail boat out on the sea without a breeze to help propel me in the right direction. Just lost...

I don't really have any news to share with regard to Brian's job search. We are waiting to see how his interview goes on Monday to make any real decisions. I've been feeling down the last couple of days - but for no specific reason. I guess it is just my time to be in a funk. This horrible weather doesn't help either. I just want to sleep all day; buried under my piles of blankets.

One good thing about this weather is that it canceled the Transgender symposium that I was supposed to attend tomorrow morning and volunteer at. It's not that I don't want to go, or that I was not interested in helping, but with my current state of mind I was just not up to networking and being perky. I shouldn't even write that - the people over at TransOhio worked really hard to put this together and I'm sure they are crushed to have their first big event canceled. They will reschedule though and I'll volunteer again.

I wonder if we will have yoga this Sunday? I'm so amazed how much I enjoy this class. We are starting to do standing poses - which are admittedly harder than the few other poses we've done already - but I'm doing pretty well so far. What strikes me after the class is how calm I am, and how happier I seem for the rest of the day. I wish the class was more than once a week. I never thought I'd like yoga...so I'm glad I took a chance.

I'm surprised I'm even able to be online in this snow. I've taken advantage of it though - I finally changed and updated my MySpace page. I hate keeping it the same for too long. I put up a bunch of new videos (including a funny one of Hugh Laurie on The Actors Studio)- so check it out.

Did you hear that Weird Al is coming to Columbus again? Yep, he's going to be at the LC on July 20th (which happens to be my 12th wedding anniversary). I cannot wait to take Brian to see Al. I can't stress how much Al rocks live in concert. Even if you are just a casual fan, I urge you to check out his show. You'll have a blast!

Well, it's late and I am babbling...good-night all!

FYI: The Sci-Fi channel is showing NBC's Chuck on Friday nights at 8PM. I just thought I'd pass this along in case you wanted to check out what I think is one of the better shows from this past season.

I'm Still Standing...

As I write this, Brian is on his way to an interview. Several things have happened since my last update: Monday, Brian went to the library and sent his resume (online) to two opportunities. Remarkably, he heard back from both of them the same day. The interview he is on today came as a result of his resume being sent to Kinkos on Monday – apparently they forwarded his information to Franklin Imaging in Worthington, who then contacted Brian for the interview. The other company, Ikon, contacted him by phone on Monday and actually interviewed him over the phone. He went back to the library today and completed an application online. The hiring manager is supposed to call him back yet this week to schedule a face-to-face interview.

I keep telling Brian that this response is amazing! When my mother was out of work, she would send out dozens of resumes online and never hear back from them…or it would take a week or so for them to make contact with her. Yet here Brian sends off two resumes, for jobs he just happened to stumble upon online, and they both contact him in less than 24 hours! We are calling him “The Legend” around the here. LOL

Yesterday, Atlas finally called Brian back and offered him a position there. The only real issues with that is they want to pay him $2.40 less an hour than what he was making (with no guarantee for OT), the insurance is only 70/30 and it will take 90 days for it to kick in. Brian is waiting to see how these other two jobs offers pan out. I think he really wants the Ikon job…he seems most excited about it.

The previous week was not without its trials however. We found out the Brandon’s state insurance coverage ran out on 2/15…which was a surprise. Now I’m going through the red tape of having to deal with BCMH to get them to approve our financial application which they’ve had for over 3 weeks now. Until then, we have to pay our co-pays for his insulin and so forth. Luckily, as long as we get approved, I can get reimbursed.

Brian and I had a doozey of a fight last week too, but it resulted in something good: Brian actually revealing how he was feeling about this whole event. Despite my best attempts he wouldn’t open up to me, nor would he rant or vent on his own…the fight forced him to open up to me finally. We sat and talked about a range of worries we both had. I can’t say everything was resolved, but at least we are both more aware of what we are concerned about and what we both see as priorities.

Meanwhile, I’ve been busy trying to get everything done that needs to be handled before our insurance runs out: dentist appointments & doctor visits. Yesterday I forked over $105 to get three cavities taken care of for Brandon. He was so brave! I was proud of him. Next week Brian, Meg and Brandon all go back for cleanings. Now I have to get off my ass and go get my cracked tooth fixed as well. I went to the doctor though and got my thyroid test out of the way. While I was there I learned that all my pills could be purchased without insurance at Giant Eagle for a mere $4 a bottle! VERY good news…

Today I’m working on a project that I’ve been putting off for a while now – sorting through the mountain of CDs in our bedroom. We have tons of books and music stuffed in containers, cases and even shoe boxes. As I look our CD collection over, I’m noticing that quite a few only have 1-2 songs on them that I actually like. What a waste of space! I’ve decided to write down the songs I want so I can burn them and then I’ll just drop by Half Price Books and get what I can off them. Brian looked at me like I was insane as I sat surrounded by stacks of CDs…but then he said the magic word: IPOD!! I’ve only been hinting forever that I want one, but I truly never thought he would ever agree with me. (He’s a bit of an anti-tech – thus the reason I still don’t have a cell phone!) Obviously now isn’t the best time to purchase this, but perhaps if (WHEN!) he gets a job we can look into it. Next stage: the books.

(UPDATE: I got $20 for my stack of CD's and a few books - not bad for an hour's worth of cleaning/organizing.)

More on the home front: I stumbled upon a heck of a deal at Target. I found a curtain rod long enough for me to finally put up my swag curtain in the bedroom. It was on clearance for $7! I’m no Martha Stewart, so it took me several attempts to make the double swag look half-way decent. A friend gave me the curtain at least 6 months ago and it has been sitting in my closet ever since. We even bought a new comforter to match the plum color of the curtain – but never got around to getting the rod. The price of the rod (usually $25 and up) was the main reason. We have double windows in our room so we needed a rod that will extend at least 75”. Anyhow – I’m so happy with the results.

Brian and I have been spending evenings snuggled on the couch watching all those DVDs we never had time to see before. This week we watched: Pulse, Bobby and 1408. The only one I would recommend is Bobby. It is a film about the assassination of Robert Kennedy as seen through the eyes of several different characters that were at the hotel where it happened. What was creepy was how much the politics then reflect the mood of the country now. It was really kind of freaky! The movie was directed by Emilo Estevez and stars everyone under the sun…including my sweetie Joshua Jackson. Speaking of Josh, he has a new movie coming out called Shutter. It’s one of those Japanese-horror remakes. It probably won’t be very good – but I’ll see it just for him. You can see the trailer on my MySpace page.

Well, I’d best get back to my CDs. Everyone keep their fingers crossed for Brian.

(UPDATE: Brian's interview went very well and the manager told him he wanted to get him "locked in" this week. This morning Ikon finally called and Brian will have an interview this Monday. Keep thinking those positive thoughts!)