Halloween rantings...

Happy Halloween! No, this isn't my dog - but isn't it adorable? The dog in the photo looks like my dog from childhood - Mindy - though. Maybe that is why I liked it so much. (I'm going to add a couple more pics for your amusement!)

Yesterday I finally decided I have 3 children instead of 2 kids and a husband. Seriously! I walked into the living room last night to find my husband and son on the carpet "rigging" our Halloween fog maker to a long dryer exhaust hose with holes in it. Apparently this will allow the fog to spread out more evenly instead of just coming out in one big poof. Okay - until he started to turn it on INSIDE the house! What the hell?! I made him stop...and my 7 year old smarty-pants says, "Geez Mom, you don't have to be so unreasonable." ME? Unreasonable?! My husband was about to start up the fog machine inside our house and I'm the kill joy. Nice! I made them go outside - and it did work. They were very happy. I was just glad I caught them in time.

It has been a trying week. We didn't have enough money to pay our gas bill in time for them to not disconnect, so we have been without gas since 10/22. That pretty much sucks - no hot water and no heat. We've been boiling water to wash the dishes and take bird baths. I've been shuttling my kids over to my mom's to take showers. The worst part is the heat - in the early morning hours it gets in the mid-60's in here...which is tolerable, but cold. We keep heating the house with the help of our stove. So that was another reason I did not want Brian to set off the fog maker - we would have had to open all the windows to air out the place and there would have went all our heat with it! At least tomorrow is payday.

Last night, I was really trying not to be pissy with my husband but I couldn't seem to avoid it. He has to mess with everything. One of the lights in my indoor pumpkins was flickering. I tried to fix it but decided to just leave it be since the other light was working. Brian picked it up and was "fixing" it and within 30 seconds neither light worked. So now on Halloween it is broken. I was really mad. Plus, I've been asking him all week to finish putting up the lights outside, and he decides to do last night...so the front door and garage door was open and shut for over 45 minutes - there went our heat! I finally had to ask him to stop before we lost anymore. Where is his brain?!

I think it was latent hostility though. Monday I went to Mansfield to do a marriage panel...I was gone from 4:30pm-10:30pm. I left him with specific instructions on dinner, homework, baths - they whole thing. He didn't do crap! He got mad at Brandon and didn't even make him do his homework - so I had to do twice the amount last night to catch him up. Then he promised me that he would help Meg study for her science test. I even asked him when I got home how she did - fine, was the response. I then learned from Meg that her science test was actually on Monday - so he never even helped her AND lied to me when he said he did. I was really very angry. When I asked him about it, he literally walked away from me and said nothing! I wouldn't let him off the hook though - I said, I asked you a question! He didn't even apologize for lying. How can I not feel like his mother when he lies to me about doing his job as a parent?

I am so stressed out over all the balls I must juggle every day...without his help. He goes out everyday and works. He brings home a paycheck - but that is about it. I do everything else...yet, somehow I get the critical glances for not having a job. He doesn't know anything about our kid's schedules, permission slips, tests...let alone that they have a doctor's appointment (or need one) and that the phone bill still needs to be paid. Hell, he doesn't even know when bath night is or if the kids need clean socks! Forget about him helping me care for our animals too - no one but me remembers to clean the cages or tanks. I'm the one who does all the holiday prep too - every holiday, every year. He just glides through life - paycheck to paycheck. It seems very unfair.

I want to be with a grown-up.

Well, it is unlike me to piss and moan about my husband - but I hope you will allow me this one venting session. It just grates on my nerves how he is sometimes. Plus I am at my wits end with my daughter. She is all drama and angst - at the age of (almost) 11. She rolls her eyes, pouts and stays locked in her room. She's a total pig and refuses to clean up her room or even take a shower unless I force her too. She decided this week that she HATES her costume - so I tried to appease her by running around last night (on the EVE of Halloween) for a new costume. It was terrible...and she ended up having to stay with her original costume (which is a very nice one which originally cost $35! but we got it for $17.) She will just have to deal with it. She hates me everyday anyway...

Well, enough of my whining. I'm going to go downstairs and sew my son's costume for him.

Have a safe holiday!

FOUND vs. POST SECRET

FOUND vs. POST SECRET

Check this out! If you are a fan of either "Found", the magazine, or "Post Secret," the book(s) and website, you'll want to check out this link. On Nov. 18th they are going to be in Columbus hosting an evening to benefit Hopeline and Directions for Youth. GA tickets are only $10. I hope I can find the money to go...this will be so cool!

Living my life with my head on my pillow...

File this under pathetic; but I’ll take it: The best kiss I’ve had in ages came last night in a dream.

Long time readers will know that I’ve got quite an active dream life…it certainly is more interesting, at times, than my real one. My dreams are often odd yet vivid. They are fluid…one running into another… and I remember most of them.

Last night started out with a dream about my family (Mom, Dad and I) moving even though we were on vacation too. Half our furniture was being stored at a hotel with a water park in it! Okay… Then I was in this weird village which reminded me of a local suburb, Grandview. I was riding bikes with kids but I was an adult. I kept trying to play referee to a bunch of squabbles. Eventually I found myself in a recreation room where summer school was taking place…but it was filled with babies, adults and all sorts of aged kids. No one would pay attention to the single teacher at the front of the room and I was annoyed. I also remember that my mother-in-law was in this dream. She had 3 babies, but she only half-dressed them and threw them around. One girl was scalped! Yikes.

Finally, I found myself at a movie premiere. I was there with my young cousin, who was in the movie. I was recently pregnant (not showing yet) too. I was hanging around with my other relatives when I noticed Zach Braff sitting next to my cousin. Apparently he was in the movie with her! Being a huge Zach Braff fan, I ran over and told him that I often sent him messages on his MySpace page. Um, hello – geek alert! Mortified by my “uncool factor”, I slinked away to save face. Determined to talk to Zach again, I used my little cousin to end up sitting behind him. He was friendly, but obviously not interested. He had on a vintage t-shirt which was sky blue. I could tell it was a favorite of his because it looked soft and worn. We made small chit chat while awaiting the main star of the movie – Little Romeo! If you don’t know who this is, count yourself among the lucky. He is one of those “Disney Channel kids”…that’s all you really need to know.

So Little Romeo shows up and drops his oversized bucket hat on my head! It had speakers in it and there was a cool alternative rock song playing – which is so unlikely since the hat belonged to Little Romeo. (LOL) Anyhow, Zach heard the music and turned around in his seat to ask me the name of the song. Before I could answer that I had no clue because the hat didn’t belong to me, Zach sort of “climbed under” the hat with me! I can only best describe this scene like this: remember when you were a kid and you would play with a parachute in gym class? Everyone would lift the parachute and then rush underneath and sit on it – creating a weird little igloo of sorts? Well, that was us – in our own weird little igloo – but under a bucket hat.

So Zach and I were snuggled very close and I remember that he smelled really nice. I rested my cheek on his arm which was slung over the back of the chair - and I was right about the shirt being soft. We enjoyed the music and the noise from the crowd around us fell away. I cautiously placed my hand on top of his and was happy that he didn’t seem to mind. Next thing I know he sort of twisted around in his chair to face me. He slid his hand under my shirt and I clearly remember sucking in my gut and sitting up straight in fear that he would feel my pudgy gut or something! (Sigh – even in my dreams I need to loose weight!) We spent the next few minutes just running our hands under each other’s shirts…nothing X-rated mind you – just on the stomach or side. His skin was soft and warm…growl!

Then he was kissing me. It was the most perfect kiss – soft but full, hungry but not sloppy! I could feel that kiss from the top of my head down to my toes. His mouth was perfect…those full lips fit perfectly on mine. Pure heaven! It was at that moment the film started and he had to turn around – the parachute collapsed and the igloo sensation popped. He gave me a meaningful look and my heart felt all warm and fuzzy. Sigh!

So that was my dream – and the best kiss I’ve had in ages. After being married for 11 years, kissing my dear hubby feels more like kissing a friend. He gives me a short, functional peck and it is usually on my head.

What I wouldn’t give for a real-life Zach Braff style kiss…

Welcome to the World!

A friend of mine had her baby today! Isn't he just too adorable? Congrats Regina & Chris!


My babylust is now in full season. Looking at those tiny fingers makes me wish for one more. Sensibly, I know having another child is out of the question - but tell that to my ticking clock! I really want one more but my empty wallet and fragile mental state tells me two is way more than enough.


Still, I'm totally jealous...

It's not you...it's me!

Recently I have come upon a self-realization: although I mean well, I often try to "help" people when perhaps they do not want to be helped. As a friend though, are we not supposed to want to shield our loved-ones from certain misery? Are we not supposed to care when we see them walking straight toward a cliff? I've always thought a good friend would do these things, but I'm learning the real answer may be:

Maybe not...

I don't know what it is, maybe I'm just getting too damned old or something, but I find myself becoming annoyed when other people act irresponisble in their lives. Recently I found myself annoyed at a friend because she decided to stay out of town longer than she intended, which resulted in her pet being left at home for a very long amount of time without a way to go to the bathroom. I was only involved in this scenario because she had asked me to watch her pet while she was away - but one night away turned into three. Apparently she had a fantastic time and found leaving difficult - knowing what a crap week she had prior to this trip, I would normally be happy for her - but her choice to not return home when she promised, meant that she would not be home in time to let her pet out herself that evening. This really ticked me off. I felt responsible for not letting her pet out...had she just been honest with me about when she was going to arrive home, this wouldn't have been an issue (other than another unplanned trip across town for me). Yet I would have preferred that scenario over being worried about her pet all that time.

When I called to check up on her (because I hadn't heard a word from her on whether she was indeed home or not) I got snapped at because she felt like I was "yelling at her." I didn't think my tone was hostile or raised - I was simply trying to make sure she got home safely and that I didn't need to worry about her pet. Is this the thanks I get for being a good friend? Maybe I was treating her with disrespect by "checking up" on her...maybe I should have not called. All I know is that she hasn't written or called me all week since that incident. I feel like we are fighting and I don't even know why!

I've also found myself to be overly critical of another friend who is going through a divorce. I have been in her situation (more or less) and I felt the urgent need to warn her about her (poor) choices lately. Why did I do that? She didn't ask me for my opinions - in fact, had she not allowed me to read her online diary, I wouldn't even know about those choices. So did I break her trust by voicing my opinions about what I read in her diary - or did I react appropriately? Afterall - no one writes a blog or online journal if they don't want someone to read and interact to what is written. To her credit, she didn't get mad at my meddling comments. But the whole situation got me to thinking that the person with the problem is me - not her. This is her life, and even if it turns out that I'm right, it is still her choice to make those mistakes. So why do I still feel the need to curb my impluse to "set her on the right path"? Frankly, I am just worried about her.

I've done this in most every friendship I've ever had...which is probably why I don't have a ton of friends. Yet, I am always the "go to" person when my friends need to vent or if they have a problem. I'm a "fixer"...but I'm also the kind of person who gets frustrated when my advice isn't followed and that person keeps coming to me with the same problems. That isn't a good mix. I just get so worked up in my friend's problems. I want to make it better for them - but only they can do that for themselves. Truthfully, I could use a "fixer" for my own life.

Maybe I just need to focus on my own problems and keep my trap shut!

Monday thoughts...

I was in one of my funks this past week, so I apologize for not posting much last week. At least, I was smart enough to finally talk to some people about my "dark" cycles. JD (my friend, not the hottie from Scrubs. lol) joined me out for a late evening chi latte at "Cup a Joes" on Wednesday. We decided to go there after the GLBT Political Forum at Stonewall. I'm really glad we did too because we spent a good hour disecting the forum - which featured members of the Columbus School Board. It was so refreshing to have an adult conversation. Afterward, the conversation reverted into good old-fashioned girl talk. She is a great listener and we stayed past the witching hour people watching, gossiping and generally having a nice vent. Afterward I felt bold enough to write Brian a letter to let him know about my depression too. Not much came of that - but at least he is now aware and that is better than before.

I discovered a great CD over the weekend. It's Anna Nalick's "Wreck of the Day." I really enjoyed nearly every track on it. In particular I like "Catalyst", "Satellite" and "Wreck of the Day". You all will know the big hit from it: "Breathe (2AM)". Give it a listen. It sort of reminds me of a mix of Michelle Branch and Natalie Imbruglia.

I was very busy this past weekend with family activities. I also agreed to help JD by watching her dog, Peaches, while she went out of town. Peaches is a lovable but hyper dog. Brandon was thrilled when I brought her home for a couple of hours. He is in love with her and really enjoyed being able to walk her everywhere. We even went for a walk around a pond. Peaches liked running with the kids and chasing a duck or too. We really want a dog, but our cat (Gatsby) made it clear that he would NOT like that. Upon seeing the bounding, panting dog entering his domain, Gatsby arched his back (hair on end) and let out a mean series of hisses! In all the years I've had him, I've never seen him do that! Dang...there goes that hope. (smile)

Didn't you just love the beautiful autumn weather this past weekend? The leaves are starting to change colors finally. We were very lucky in our journeys this past weekend. We came upon a small festival at Mill Run where Brandon and his friend enjoyed many free kid activities - like spin art, a jumpie house and cookie making. They also gave everyone a free pumpkin. That made me happy since we had not yet bought any for our house. We also stumbled upon another "festival" on 161 where they had 20 pumpkins on display. They were all at least 100 pounds each! Brandon was freaking out! lol (Meaghan, in case you are wondering why she is missing in these events, was at a sleep-over all weekend!)

I am determined to get my shit together this week. In fact, after I post this I am getting off this computer! I have a ton of house work to do and other projects to catch up on. I even started reading a book this past weekend! It is called "The Godmother" by Carrie Adams. I had seen it reviewed (favorably) in many magazines so I thought I'd give it a shot. I'll let you know how it goes...so far (as of Chapter 3) it is kind of slow. Chat with you all again soon...

New TV show that I'm looking forward to watching: Samantha Who? (tonight!)

New TV show that I'm willing to give one more shot: Women's Murder Club

Old favorite that I hope starts getting better...soon: Grey's Anatomy and Heroes

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street : Trailer!

Johnny Depp sings! Tim Burton directs! Alan Rickman is in it too?! It's not even my birthday yet....

CAN'T WAIT!

Dan In Real Life

Yesterday was my husband's birthday - 43! Over the past few years, we have gotten into a rather bad habit of not really celebrating our birthdays - or our anniversary - because we just never have the money. It makes us both cranky (more me than him) but sometimes you just have to do without. We make sure the kids have a nice birthday, but we just didn't seem as important. Well, I have made an executive life decision - fuck that! We are important too and we should celebrate our milestones as well. So this year, I made sure to make my hubby's birthday a good one.

I bought him real presents! (Johnette Napolitano - of Concrete Blonde fame - solo CD and a Cincinnati Red's t-shirt from the kids.) Then I happened to score 4 free passes to the sneak preview of Steve Carell's new movie, "Dan In Real Life." We had a nice dinner at Red Robin (where he was able to use his free b-day burger coupon), he opened his presents and then we all went to the movie. Afterwards we came home and enjoyed the birthday cake that I had made for him. :o) It was a nice evening and I can tell that Brian was happy - which made me happy too.

I can't say enough good things about "Dan In Real Life". Maybe the fact that Brian enjoyed it so much that he didn't fall asleep is praise enough. LOL The trailers out for the movie make it seem like a silly Steve Carell family movie. Yet, it is actually a movie intended for grown-ups. Not that it has nudity and profanity - but that the humor is for grown ups (especially those of us in our thirties and who are parents). This film really had great humor and touching scenes. Steve plays a widower with three daughters. He by chance meets a woman in a book store and falls for her...I won't tell you more so it won't ruin any surprises - but the film focuses mainly on that romance and not the kids. The music is good too. There were points when I was almost crying from laughter and others where I was almost crying out of sympathy for Dan. Steve Carell kicks ass as an actor. He is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. Although there are some slow points in the film, I would still totally recommend it. I think it comes out the end of this month.

Well, I was very productive the past couple of days - even steam cleaning my living room carpet finally - but my closet is still not finished...bad me. It's like I don't want to face all those little piles of crap. LOL Seriously, I have shoe boxes and plastic containers filled with all sorts of shit. Logically I know if I haven't missed what is in those boxes over the past 6 months, then I shouldn't even open them...I should just toss it in the garbage. Yet I can't! What if there is something in there that I need? God! I sound like a hoarder...but I promise I am not that bad.

Just too darned sentimental for my own good.

Well, I am hoping to get that finished today. (Crosses fingers!) I'd best get off here and get going in my own "real life". ;o)

Tuesday ramblings...

Tuesday morning and I'm feeling rather productive today. I'm determined not to crawl back into my bed! Instead I will finish cleaning out my stupid closet. I'm tired of having to step around all these little piles of crap on my floor - and Lord knows my husband isn't in any hurry to do it either. So today I will not waste my time - I will be productive!

I have been feeling more "up" since last week, which I am grateful for. I do that - I go through an "up" cycle and then find myself in a "down" one. I fear that makes me manic depressive...I hope I'm wrong. I am considering changing my meds though. (Thanks for the advice D!) I've felt for sometime now that what I'm on isn't working as well as it once did.

My daughter, who is now in 5th grade, is bringing home a lot more homework this year than we were used too in previous years. It seems like it takes her ages to get it all done. She switched over to a new school this year - which is a non-traditional one; they have combined classes (4/5 together) and they sit in groups instead of at their own desks - so maybe that has something to do with it. I'm struggling to help her come up with a good method of handling her work. She is so unlike me when it comes to school. I was an over-achiever and took it all very seriously. She is laid back and cares little about grades. It is very frustrating for me to deal with her.

Also, she is very literal. I was trying to help her study terms for her first science test - the word was "scrubbers" (in regards to reducing pollution) and I asked her, "When I say the word scrubbers, what do you think of?" She says, "Scrubbing". Um, OK. I tried again - "OK. When you are scrubbing, what are you doing?" (Hint, I was trying to get her to say "cleaning" - as in scrubbers clean the harmful pollution before it can be released into the air.) Instead she said, "washing". Argh! And so it went until I had to spell it out for her. Very frustrating.

Anyhow, I need to get myself off this computer before I forget to be productive. :o)

Fall TV:

New shows I've actually enjoyed (so far): The Big Bang Theory, Bionic Woman, Chuck, Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares (although the British version is much better - it airs at 5PM weekdays on BBC America)

New shows that I can't decide upon yet: Back to You, Journeyman

New shows that I wish I hadn't seen: Moonlight, Private Practise

New shows I haven't been able to watch yet, and wish I could: Reapers, Gossip Girl

F22 Raptor

Here's the F-22 in action!
Enojy...