X-Files - I Want To Believe movie poster...

Just when you thought I couldn't be more of a "Geek"....I cannot wait for this to be in theaters!

Down again...

Life (at least mine) seems like a see saw...up one moment; down the next. Once again I find myself on the "down" side - but as usual, I cannot figure out why. Last Saturday (19th), I felt very much alive and full of energy! I attended a meeting at Stonewall to hear Mara Kiesling, Executive Director of the National Center for Transgender Equality, speak. It wasn't a SpeakOUT event...but somehow it felt like it was. I swooped in to help another group who seemed to be a bit unorganized. In the end, it turned out to be a very nice, well-attended event. Mara was a great speaker and, unbelievably, her 3 hour visit seemed to fly by. Many people who were in attendance seemed very interested in my group and in speaking with me. I felt sort of like a super star. :o) I left Stonewall that day buzzing on a high...ready to conquer the whole world.

Here it is a little over a week later and now I feel like a car running on vapors. Yesterday I drove out to Mt. Vernon to sit in on a meeting of adults there who want to start their own gay straight alliance. I was very honored to be asked to step in and help them...but afterward, I felt very down. Instead of feeling validated, I felt like a small pebble in a large pond as other "bigger" groups were spoken of at the meeting. Even though I had taken the time to drive there, deliver to them a big "get started" package of goodies and sat through a nearly 3 hour meeting...I left feeling like the runner-up in a popularity contest. I know that seems ridiculous. I didn't expect them to kiss my ass or erect a statue of us, but I felt dismissed by their blase attitude regarding SpeakOUT.

Then I found out this morning that we were excluded in planning the 2008 Other Prom. That really stung. We've been a sponsor of this event for three straight years...and this year we didn't even rate being included on the information to let others know about it (let alone help plan it). I can't help but feel excluded by some members of the glbt community lately. Will we ever be included as a "real" organization with something to offer? Sigh... I'm working my ass off to get SpeakOUT up and running as a 501c3 non-profit, and I feel like we are sliding backward in the process. It leaves me feeling very unmotivated today.

We did enjoy a nice Saturday though. Meaghan attended an all-day basketball camp at OSU called HOOPS. Her team made it to the semi-finals, but ended up having to sit the final game out by default because one player had to leave and another got hurt. Meaghan was mad about that - especially when the top two teams received special recognition with certificates and medals. But it looks like she enjoyed it enough to want to play again...which was the whole point.

Brian, Brandon and I ended up spending the day in Grandview. We stopped by the Pet People store on 5th Ave to visit with some dogs who are available for adoption through the Franklin County Dog Shelter. There we met "Ozzie" a big mixed dog...who Brian and Brandon both loved. I really liked his face, and he seemed nice, but honestly he is bigger than I want. Our whole family seems to be on a mission to adopt a dog...so I wouldn't be surprised if we did by the end of May. We are supposed to go to the Mingle with the Mutts event next Sunday too. I've wanted a dog for a long time...

We also tried out The French Loaf - OMG! They have excellent pastries. We scarfed down eclairs and mini cream puffs. Yum! After picking Meaghan up from camp, we ended up back in Grandview to do their Art Hop. It wasn't nearly as crowded as the Short North Hop - so the kids liked it. Plus the stores in Grandview still lay out a nice spread of food and goodies. They even got to jump in a bouncy house! We visited a new lingerie store off of 1st Ave and had a good time with their "live underwear models." They had several ladies walking about in lingerie serving cupcakes and wine like old-fashioned cigarette girls. There were a few gals in the window too. Very fun!

It was also the Saturday of the Webkinz! The Hallmark in UA was having a big Webkinz Appreciation Weekend celebration. I planned on going there anyway to purchase the kid's Crocs (buy one pair, get a second 50% off!), so the Webkinz party was just the icing on the cake. For every $10 you spent, you could pick out a free Webkinz. We walked out of there with 5 Webkinz - which was lucky because I needed to buy 3 birthday gifts for my nephews and a child at Brandon's school anyway. A win-win for sure. Brandon got the new Chicken and Meg ended up with the Spotted Pony. For those of you not 'lucky enough' to know what a Webkinz is: it is a stuffed animal which comes with an exclusive code. You take that code online and create your pet virtually. The pet then lives in Webkinz world - you can go shopping, feed your pet, take it to the doctor, get a job, decorate your house, play games, send email...and so forth. It is all the rage for the 5-12 age set. They are pretty darn cute - I even got one, the new white mouse. Cute!

Well, motivated or not...I need to jump offline and deal with the real world. Hope your weekend went well.

Little town - big secrets...

This is where my father was stationed during his very last assignment for the U.S. Air Force. It's called "Pave Paws"- PAVE is an Air Force code word. PAWS is an acronym for Phased Array Warning System. Unlike older mechanical radars, PAVE PAWS is steered electronically, allowing for greatly increased speed an accuracy. The primary mission of this system was to detect the launch of Soviet missiles from submarines. It was very top secret...at the time.

Fun Facts: Did you know that those big octagons are actually big radar dishes? They are called "faces." When one was activated, the radiation from it (on the outside) could kill you! Seriously! Some farmers down the hill from this thing complained that their cattle were getting poisoned by it. They probably were - there were enough dead birds around there! The photo is deceiving though - the faces are pretty high up on the building and you couldn't walk in front of one directly without a lot of effort and rope.

Anyhow...why do I think you might be interested? Well, it happens to be located in Eldorado (pronounced el-do -ray-do by the locals), TX! The very same Eldorado, TX that is now all over the news with regards to the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints sect. I cannot believe it! If you knew how tiny this patch of dirt "town" was, you'd be amazed too. It is hard to imagine that this "compound" was built there. I wonder if it was built on the area where Pave Paws was? It has been many, many years since I lived in San Angelo, TX (the nearest large city)...in fact, I graduated from San Angelo Central High way back in 1989. I wonder if I know anyone there? It is an entirely strange feeling reading about the things going on there.

For the record, I think what is happening there is just terrible - for everyone involved. I feel bad for the abused women and children, and also for the families that are being forced to give up their children. I think it is terrible that they cannot locate the young woman who called the complaint in - what happened to her? I feel sorry for those who are trapped in this 'society,' yet I also feel bad that families are being forced apart. I worry how these children will be able to adapt to a world entirely different from the one they know as they are thrown into foster care. (That they are leaving this to San Angelo courts is crazy...if you think Columbus is a "cowtown," you ain't never been to San Angelo!) I'm not going to dissect these people's choices and religious beliefs, but I would like to say that this is not how 'all Mormons' are. I was very good friends with a member of the Church of Latter Day Saints and this was not part of his beliefs.

Most of us just shake our heads in disbelief when it comes to the news of this raid...it's hard to believe that this sort of thing is happening in the 21st century. It is especially hard to understand when the females look like they belong in an entirely different century! Regardless of the situation, I cannot be convinced that these mothers do not care for and love their children. I feel for them and the uncertain future they now face.

I still just can't believe that this is happening in little ol' Eldorado, TX!

Real Must-See TV is back...

This past week I actually enjoyed watching TV again! Last Thursday's episode of The Office is an excellent example. Jim started kidding around with Pam that maybe they ought to move in together, but she said she wanted to wait until she was married to do that. Jim states that he just hadn't gotten around to that yet - but he would. Pam, of course, thinks he was just being cute...but cue the boardroom confessional where Jim shows us the ring! OMG! The last few moments of the show, when Jim and Pam are walking outside and he bends down on one knee - well, you could have heard a pin drop in my house. I literally was holding my breath! Of course, he just starts tying his shoe...but WOW! Even my husband was glued to the screen. I haven't been that invested in a television couple since Mulder & Scully or Pacey & Joey. Awesome!

Speaking of awesome...Last night's episode of How I Met Your Mother really just rocked my world. First there was guest star, James Van Der Beek (Dawson from Dawson's Creek fame) in full 80's fashion (including the switch-blade comb!), and later as a hair-receding, beer-gutted Cannuck! Having lived in Canada, I enjoyed all the Canadian jokes and attempts at Canadian accents. On a side note, if they were going to borrow a D.C. alumni, why didn't they go with Joshua Jackson (a.k.a. Pacey) who is actually Canadian!

Then they revealed a brand new "Robin Sparkles" video, Sandcastles in the Sand, which has cameos of Tiffany and Alan Thicke! The funniest thing about this video is that if it had been released in the 80's with Debbie Gibson on the charts, it might actually be a hit on the radio. LOL

But they saved the best for last! The last 20 seconds of the show, when they cut to Barney and Robin making out on the couch, is something fans have been waiting for since season one! I was so excited I clapped at the ending right there in my living room. Amazingly enough, I hadn't heard one peep about this online. I guess all the hoopla around a new Robin Sparkles video created enough buzz to keep it a surprise. I didn't think that was possible in this day and age of internet spoilers (which I admit to reading).

I can hardly await new episodes of Lost (which has been excellent this season with the flash-forwards and the 'Oceanic Six' story lines) and Grey's Anatomy this Thursday, and of course House comes back next Monday at 9PM (note the new night and time, people). I like how some of the shows are jumping into the future with our story lines (like Brothers & Sisters).

Dare I say that the writer's strike actually pumped new life blood into these series? I think I just did! What do you think? Rate your favorite shows...

Kudos to: Law & Order SVU and The Big Bang Theory

Verdict's Still Out on: Desperate Housewives and Scrubs

Show which needs the most improvement: Grey's Anatomy (Don't let us down Shonda!)

The Dream Police...

I keep having these odd dreams...nothing new for me, you might say. I don't know what it is specifically about these dreams that are freaking me out, but they linger with me even after I've been awake for some time. Reality and consciousness do not seem to wash them away. Instead pieces of them cling to me like threads of a spider web.

The dreams I'm referring to are about death. In my first dream, I went into this large home with many closed doors. I entered one and there was my dog from childhood - Mindy. My mother was with me, but after a quick acknowledgement of our dog (who has been dead for at least 10 years now) she went on to open more doors. Other dead relations appeared. I didn't care though...I stayed with my dog, overjoyed to be with her again. As the dream progressed however, it became apparent that Mindy was not the same. She was mean and threatening...eventually I became scared of her. It was like Stephen King's Pet Cemetery (the book - which is great - not the terrible movie) She was back, but evil. I was so sad when I awoke.

Then last night I dreamt I was at a huge dinner. The table was very long and fancy - like from a Jane Austin film. Suddenly my dead grandfather was there at the head of the table...but he was a boy. I was the only one who knew it was him. As the dream progressed, my grandfather aged until he looked like he did when I was much younger. He was healthy and happy - like he was before cancer took him. I was happy to see him. I wandered away from the table to visit the basement. There I found a dead Robin...but as I looked at it, she came back to life. I was really happy. Then for no reason this shadow figure told me the bird could not stay that way and the bird went still and died again. I was really upset so I ran back upstairs to find my family still all happily eating this feast.

Later in the dream, I saw my grandfather slip away from the table and walk toward the basement. I ran after him terrified - knowing the shadow figure would be down there. I begged him not to go down the stairs, throwing my arms around him...but he just smiled and slipped away. (slipped away...isn't that how they describe a person's death? "They slipped away.") Then I turned around to find my father standing there; he was going to go down to the basement too. My father is not dead...absent, but not dead...but in this dream I suddenly realized that he was dead too. I began to cry and asked him not to go in the basement because I didn't want him to die again...and then I woke up. My eyes were watery - as if I were about to cry for real.

How strange are these dreams?? I rarely, if ever, dream about dead relatives. I certainly never dream about them coming back to life. I wonder what my mind is trying to tell me. Certainly some of the symbolism is easy to translate: shadow figure = death; basement = the earth or a cemetery; the house with many doors = the many parts of my life; the bird = the goose that died last night. What I find odd is that I was never very close to my grandfather who died. I was sad (obviously) that he died, but not crushed. So why did he appear in this dream and not my great-grandfather who I was close too? Also odd was that in "real life" my mother would have never left Mindy to search other rooms - she would have stayed with her...but in my dream she barely even cared. I also think it is odd that in my dream I have a revelation that these people/animals are supposed to be dead.

What do you think??

Stupid Humans...

I had a pretty spectacular day. In fact, I felt like some sort of "Super Star." I was really excited to come home and write all about it too, but then on my way home, some asshole two cars ahead of me struck a Canadian Goose and left it kicking and flopping in agony for me to see. It just about broke my heart. I'd like to think they didn't see it - it was dusk after all - but I didn't even see them break or slow down.

I cannot stop picturing that poor thing laying on its side, kicking its feet in pain. I pulled over but Brian said there was nothing we could do. If we tried to approach it, the bird would probably attack us. I asked him if there was anything we could do to put it out of its misery - but short of running it over again, neither of us could stomach trying to break its neck or something. We did go back and drove by very slowly. I am pretty sure it had died. It was just so sad.

I'm the first person to say that geese in general are a stupid lot. I mean, why do they walk across a busy street when they could just fly? They also seem to be too stupid to care about the large, fast things whizzing by them as they take their sweet time crossing the street. Yet, I cannot stand to see an animal in pain. How can someone just mow one down - just because they can?!

Stupid Humans!

Every time I see a dead animal (domestic or not) on the street, I always say a little prayer for it and ask God to take it to heaven. I started doing that as a child and I still do it today. I think it all started when I was about 9, and my friends and I found a frozen cat in a ditch. (Seriously, it was totally frozen.) We were all so sad for it, so we dug a hole, held a little ceremony and buried it. I guess that's when I became warped when it comes to death and animals.

Anyhow...I'm too sad to write about happy things tonight. I'll write tomorrow.

Taxation without equal representation...

The long and confusing forms... the stress of meeting that midnight deadline... think Tax Day could get any worse?

You bet. Just ask millions of GLBT Americans, who have 5 more reasons to dread Tax Day, since federal law doesn't allow them these basic rights:

1.) Including their spouse or children on their employer-based health plan without facing significant tax penalties,

2.) Taking time off to care for a loved one without risking losing their job,

3.) Passing along Social Security survivor benefits to their partner or children (benefits they've paid for their whole lives),

4.) Being paid equally for their equal contribution as federal employees or veterans,

5.) Receiving the more than 1,100 federal benefits and protections available to married couples that are not available to same-sex couples.

As if filing your taxes wasn't painful enough. For many, today is a bitter reminder that our federal laws don't protect us and our loved ones.

Tell Congress on Tax Day: same-sex families deserve equal treatment!

Music of the night...

This must be the week for me to be all artsy! First we went to see Avenue Q and tonight I "forced" the family to go see "The Lyric Harp Duo." Actually, I only forced them to accompany me to the Upper Arlington Library - which is where the free concert was being held. Brian decided to stick around for the concert, while the kids popped in and out when they weren't busy on the library's kid computers.



The Lyric Harp Duo consisted of Jude Mollenhauer and Yan Ni - both of the Columbus Symphony Orchestra (among many others). They performed classical harp music, some of which were original arrangements. This may sound like a snooze-fest to some people, but I've always loved the harp. The concert was very good. It was amazing to hear all the different sounds this beautiful instrument could make...including some cool "special effects" like a gong. At one point in a song, I could swear someone was playing the guitar and a piano in another. Watching these two ladies pick, pluck and strum these huge instruments was just fascinating.




I really thought it was cool that with one instrument they could play so many types of music - Chinese, Renaissance, Contemporary, Italian and Spanish! I wanted to yell out "Freebird!" just to see if they would launch into that as well. LOL :o) My favorite piece of the evening was Clair de Lune...I actually have that song on a CD I listen to at night to fall asleep. I whispered to Brian that if I were filthy rich, I'd have these two ladies play me to sleep everynight. :o)



Misc. harp info that I learned tonight:

• A professional harp costs about $20,000!
• They also weigh about 95lbs.
• They have 7 foot pedals (to produce the 'black key' notes)
• Harpists don't use their pinkies when they play!

There was this adorable Chinese baby sitting next to us. She was just a little thing...sucking on her two fingers. Sigh! She definitely gave me "baby fever." I kept making goo-goo eyes at Brian - who was not buying it at all. LOL I just wanted to snatch her out of her mom's arms! (Relax...I would have given her back - eventually! LOL)

Tomorrow is yoga...with all this harp music floating in my head, I should be very zen by noon tomorrow.

Life on Avenue Q...

I tried to find the energy to get online last night, but I was just too tired. Avenue Q was so much fun! Brian and I really enjoyed it. I normally do not like seeing shows on opening night, but since the tickets were free - well, we couldn't be picky. It didn't matter though - there were only minor technical glitches. The biggest complaint I had about the show had nothing to do with the production; The Palace must have had the heat on full-blast because it was like an oven in there. (Maybe they were hoping to make a mint on bottled water during intermission!) The place was pretty much sold-out too, so we were packed in there like sardines! It made me feel very claustrophobic.

Getting back to the show...it was hilarious! I already knew all the songs, but seeing them performed live just improved an already good thing. It was amazing to see the actors and puppets performing so flawlessly together. Sometimes one actor would play two puppets (or more) and it was awesome to see them flow from one character to the other in the same scene. Very cool! The ensemble cast was excellent too. They would take one puppet from an actor and stay in the scene so the main actor could play another role. It was like a complicated dance.

The show itself borders on being too cute at times, and then too raunchy at others...but somehow it all works together. The weakest link in the cast was the "Gary Coleman" bit...it gets old after a few jokes. Somehow, they never lose that "Sesame Street" vibe - even when the puppets are talking about porn and masturbation. There were tons of old people there and I cannot imagine what they were thinking...especially during the big sex scene. Awkward! ;o)

Anyhow, I would definitely recommend that you go check it out. We had a great time. They will be in town through the 13th and there are rush tickets available for only $25 two hours prior to the curtain.

I almost forgot the coolest part! Brian and I walked around the back of the theatre and waited to meet the cast. There were only about 10 people back there and the cast were really cool about stopping and chatting. We met all the leads but two (Brian and Christmas Eve) and got their autographs. It was really fun. I kind of got star struck talking to the main lead actor (Princeton & Rod) though. Like a silly girl, I just suddenly gave him a hug! Right there in front of my husband!! Hey - if you had been there you'd been tempted too...Seth was a cutie!

Go see it...or it'll suck to be you!

Catching up...

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow evening. At long last Brian and I are going to see the touring production of Avenue Q! We received free tickets to the show at last year's Pride (Thanks Chris!!!), and months later the date is finally here. I'll never forget the first time I learned about the show...it was on the Tonys. They performed a scene ("It sucks to be me!") and I was just floored! It was hilarious. I hope the show lives up to my expectations - I've had the CD for well over a year, so I know the songs too. I'll let everyone know.

This past weekend was a challenge. Friday I spent 2 1/2 hours ironing clothes! It was terrible...but no one else was going to do it, so I sucked it up and took care of it so my family could have clean, ironed clothing in their closets (instead of clean, wrinkled pieces crushed in a laundry basket). I spent the time watching DVD's - heads up: The Great New Wonderful is terrible! Despite a stellar cast, the life after 9/11 in NYC was long, boring and forgettable. Don't bother! I was able to save the night by watching 2 episodes of House from season three which I had not seen. I don't know what I'll do when I finally get caught up and see them all. (sigh)

Saturday I was so tired from ironing, cleaning and washing dishes the night before that I opted not to go to yoga. I regretted that later - but the extra sleep was nice. I had tons to do before our family went into three directions: I attended the JDRF Promise Ball (fundraiser) as a volunteer, Brian and Meg went to the Girl Scout Father/Daughter Dance and Brandon went to a sleepover (which turned into a play date when he called at 9:45 wanting to come home). It was a very hectic night - especially when you consider that we only have one car. I was proud to do my part at the JDRF ball, but I just get really emotional about Brandon's diabetes and it is hard for me to be really active. It's just too hard.

Sunday was Brandon's long-awaited birthday party! We had a great time. The bowling party was a huge hit. He loved that he got to take a real bowling pin home with him - which all his friends signed. Everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves and it was a relaxing event. His Finding Nemo cake was really cute too. I'll post some photos soon.

Afterward we went to meet my Godfather, John, who was visiting from NY. I had not seen him in over a decade! It was really weird to see him - but he was the same as always. He is recently widowed, and he is very smitten by my divorced-mother. I think they make a great couple...although she isn't sold on the idea. He was so nice to her - pulling her chair out, opening her door. It was so nice to see a man treat my mother with respect and kindness. I'm rooting for him to win her over. He is exactly what she needs. He has money, is healthy, doesn't smoke or drink and they have a long past together. I feel they are well suited for one another. The thought of them being together doesn't bother me at all - is that weird? Can my father be so easily replaced??

Well, I've got tons to do...best get going!

You can dance..you can jive...

Yesterday I unearthed a long forgotten mixed audio tape that I had recorded last year. It had a bunch of Broadway music on it - including three songs from "Mamma Mia." That got me thinking about the new film version of the Broadway musical which is due in theaters in July of this year...

I'm not sure Meryl Streep was the best choice to play Donna. Isn't she a little too old for the part? That made me wonder who would be playing her three past lovers - I was further dismayed to learn that Pierce Brosnan would be playing Sam. Pierce Brosnan?! Can he even actually sing?

Funny enough, I already thought Colin Firth should be in there somewhere - and he is as Harry! I thought David Hyde Pierce would have made an excellent Harry and we all know he can sing (and has the Tony to prove it). I've never even heard of the third actor playing Bill...or the actress cast as Sophie (Amanda Seyfried). I read that Amanda Bynes was considered and I wish she had been cast. She is actually pretty good - plus she was already in one movie with Colin Firth!

I love ABBA so I enjoyed the theatrical version of the upcoming film. It was fun and light-hearted with groovy costumes and hunky men in swimwear. I haven't been very impressed with film versions of musicals - although I did enjoy Chicago and I even thought they did a good job with Phantom of the Opera. Can't say that I'll be rushing out to see this film version...maybe when it hits the dollar theater.

Click here to see the new trailer:

http://www.imdb.com/rg/VIDEO_PLAY/LINK//video/trailer/me706862461/

Totally random thought...

Why is it that whenever you fear that something will turn out terrible...it usually does?!

Paper or "Plastics"?

I guess I've been a people watcher my whole life. I love going downtown, or to OSU, to watch all the different type of people walking about. I like to wonder what kind of person these strangers are. I wonder why he/she looks so sad or lost. I notice the ones sitting alone, as well as the ones trying a bit too hard to stand out. I think it is pretty fascinating. I try not to think about what they are thinking about when they see me.

The other day I was at the Polaris Fashion Mall and I couldn't help but notice all "The Plastics" there. I'm obviously borrowing that phrase from the film, "Mean Girls"...but it is pretty self-explanatory. The Plastics are the beautiful people; the wealthy, the people the rest of us are supposed to strive to be like. Call them whatever your generation prefers: "Heathers," "Richies" or "Stepford Wives."

They were everywhere: looking so perfect and unaffected by life. It would be hard for me to imagine them suffering one real tragedy or hardship in their oblivious lives. I wonder what that would be like. I wonder what life is like to think nothing of paying $300 for a pair of shoes and hundreds more for a handbag. How different would my life be if I got handed a Lexus for my first car? Could I be plastic too if I had the resources? Boob job, tanning booth, liposuction, complete hair and clothing makeover...no, I doubt that I could because I've lived through too much. My eyes would give me away.

Has anyone else ever noticed how easy it is to pick out the "poor" or "down-trodden" people in a random group of people? It's not about the material things either...it's in their faces and how they carry themselves. The shine is gone from their eyes and hair. They look as beaten down on the outside as they feel on the inside. They carry around this invisible weight that literally pulls them down and inward.

I remember once I told my family doctor that I couldn't really put into words how depressed or down I felt other than to say: "I feel as bad on the inside as I look from the outside." Lately I look into the mirror and hardly recognize myself. I always look tired, unhappy and stressed. Even when I think I'm having an "up" day...I'll get a glance of my reflection and see that I don't look at all happy. How can you erase the years that a hard life has added to you? How can I reconcile the feelings within with my outward appearance?

Where's my reboot button?